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How do you deal with someone who is emotionally immature? I think we've all had to deal with people like this at one point or another. Friend, partner, child, etc. If you've done something to upset them, they'll give you the silent treatment instead of just confronting you. These days, they may resort to criticizing you on their Facebook page, though they won't mention you by name. I'd expect this sort of thing from a teenager. Sadly, it's pretty common among adults. Where do you think this behavior comes from? Is it learned? Is it a sign of some deeper issues? What's the best way to deal with a person or should you just even bother? I'm not a big fan of confrontation. If someone's done something to upset me, I'll weigh whether it's worth making a big deal out of it or if I should just let it go. If I do confront them, I wait til I've had time to calm down, collect my thoughts, and figure out what I'm going to say. But this passive aggressive stuff is something I just can't deal with. Give me the person who blows their top. I'd rather deal with someone yelling at me than someone who goes silent and then expects me to read their mind.
(I have used this technique on my children after they have blurted out something rotten or mean. I just let it hang in the air. It has a powerful effect)
But this passive aggressive stuff is something I just can't deal with. Give me the person who blows their top. I'd rather deal with someone yelling at me than someone who goes silent and then expects me to read their mind.
Yep... especially the mind reader part.
And I have found that many people take silent disapproval as approval. They actually figure "If you have a problem, speak up. Otherwise, I think all is fine".
It's frustrating because you feel like the other person is in control. You try to confront them and have a conversation, but they're not interested in talking. They just walk away. Everything seems to be on their terms. Every relationship depends on both people being able to speak freely and both people showing a willingness to listen. But in this instance, you have someone who feels they've been wronged, but doesn't want to listen. In particular, they refuse to listen if you start to tell them something they don't want to hear, like the things they've done wrong. These people seem to always portray themselves as the victims too. It could be there partner, a friend, or coworker. But there's always a pattern to it. Wow is me. Everyone is mean to me. Now you're being mean time so I'm going to stop talking to you. Ugh.
It's frustrating because you feel like the other person is in control. You try to confront them and have a conversation, but they're not interested in talking. They just walk away. Everything seems to be on their terms. Every relationship depends on both people being able to speak freely and both people showing a willingness to listen. But in this instance, you have someone who feels they've been wronged, but doesn't want to listen. In particular, they refuse to listen if you start to tell them something they don't want to hear, like the things they've done wrong. These people seem to always portray themselves as the victims too. It could be there partner, a friend, or coworker. But there's always a pattern to it. Wow is me. Everyone is mean to me. Now you're being mean time so I'm going to stop talking to you. Ugh.
That's when you withdraw from them because they're acting like an idiot.
Some people are so far gone they wouldn't know authentic communication if it bit them in the face. They just don't operate that way. So you save your truth for people who are actually in touch with theirs. Emotionally immature people will do nothing but suck you dry, and it's all rooted in their own fear. They may seem to be "winning" in the short term, but trust me, they are not winning in life.
I ignore them. I don't mind confrontation, but I refuse to waste my time on people like that. Where they just refuse to listen and understand where you are coming from. I used to just argue constantly with people like that all time, until I realized I was just as stupid as they were for continuing to have the conversation.
It depends on who the person is, and how close to you they are. If they're a friend, you can simply cut them out of your life so you don't have to deal with that behavior anymore. If they're harassing you on your facebook page, can't you block them? Or send them a message on FB and simply say, "If you have a problem with me, please bring it up with me at (work/home/wherever I usually see you). I routinely block people who leave rude comments on my FB page."
Where does this behavior come from? Is it rooted in insecurity? I'm just trying to understand what drives a person to act this way. I had a relative who was married to such a person. I could never imagine being in such a relationship. Marriage requires open communication lines, which you can't have if one person refuses to talk. But even other relationships like friendship only work if both people can speak their mind. The silent treatment just seems like a childish thing to do.
It depends on who the person is, and how close to you they are. If they're a friend, you can simply cut them out of your life so you don't have to deal with that behavior anymore. If they're harassing you on your facebook page, can't you block them? Or send them a message on FB and simply say, "If you have a problem with me, please bring it up with me at (work/home/wherever I usually see you). I routinely block people who leave rude comments on my FB page."
They're more subtle about it. They'll make on their own Facebook page about you. But they'll phrase it in a way where others reading won't know who it's in reference too. It'll sound general, but really it's about a specific person. You can block them so that you don't have to see those posts, but other people do. And most of the time, the comment conveniently leaves out facts. It'll be framed in a way that makes the "victim" appear sympathetic. Readers never get the whole story.
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