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I ask the person if something is wrong. If they stonewall, I say, "Okay, but remember that I am not a mind-reader. If you don't care enough to talk about what is bothering you, then I don't care that you're upset. It's on you to speak up."
And then I move on, no more questions, no trying to pry things out of them. If they want to sulk, they can go sit in a corner and sulk. I have better things to do than cater to prats.
Couple things.
As Ruth mentioned, it depends on how close you are relationship wise to determine if having some modicum of interaction is necessary for pleasantries (i.e. family, friends). Definitely ignore when they are being contentious, especially, if they have no capacity for parallel processing i.e. seeing things through another's eyes / point of view. I can't speak to FB and other new mediums of communications as they seem rife for white noise and poor communication tools for serious interpersonal exchanges.
Some are more self centered bullies - disengage in every manner possible unless you have to interact with (Work Family et al) and in these cases limit it to only that which is necessary. Some are set in life styles or behaviors that simply upsetting their 'routines' will derive much consternation. These types if you have to interact withthem, you may or may not want broach some matters in deliberate steps leading up to some change (depending on the gravity of it) or they may get their nose out of joint. Others you may just need to confront once (based on the importance of relationship) and spell it out (behaviors / response / tactics) and be sure they are clear on what is not working communication style wise.
Some - when they have unnecessary outbursts to unreasonable things - you may suggest they might want to seek therapy as to why they get so upset and emotionally overwrought by such simple things.
Some are emotionally 'stunted' and may just not have the capacity to process nor communicate clearly. Sort of like the horse you've led to water but they still can't seem to drink it (process it) - ignore or disengage whenever possible for your own welfare. If they are the type seeking attention and you need to interact with, keep things perfunctory and matter of fact and ignore the extraneous behaviors. I know it can be easier said then done, but if these people are mid 20s and chronologically older, there is not much you can do anymore than to avoid.
PS I'm not a doctor, I just play one on the internet
I know someone like that. His immaturity stemmed from the passive aggressive behavior of his family. They loved him a lot but completely controlled him as well. They were over protective & didn't give him much exposure to the real world so he remained immature. Paying too much attention to friends & expecting the same in return, throwing tantrums, getting attention by saying something controversial, announcing that he is taking a huge risk so that friends would stop him, getting too involved in his friends' life, not honoring secrets between friends, low self esteem & self pity......these were his common characteristics. I knew him through my friends & tried to ignore his behavior for a while but when he got too involved in my personal life i told him to back off & stopped talking to him. He traveled for a few years to different countries & came back a changed person. I recently met him & saw a transformation. We have some common friends & i heard from them that he has improved a lot. People couldn't do much to help him. He had to get out of his comfort zone, away from friends & family, to experience the world. It had a sobering effect on him. He is not a bad guy at all. Just didn't believe that the world doesn't revolve around him so that made him mad at everyone.
I agree that it's best to ignore such individuals. What I've noticed, however, is that they can't stand being ignored and will eventually reach out to you. But they won't apologize for their behavior. They won't even acknowledge it. They'll want to pretend everything is fine. My friend, the one who got upset with me for not letting her redecorate my house for her party, does this. She'll punish me with the silent treatment, but then after a few days she'll try to start a conversation, usually about something completely unrelated, like some but of news about a mutual friend. It's her way of breaking the ice. I'll respond and be cordial, but I won't engage in a conversation or suggest that everything is alright now. IMO, if someone engages in childish behavior like giving the silent treatment, it's best to treat them like a child. Mature adults understand that can't just gloss over conflicts and pretend they never happened. Otherwise, the same thing will happen all over again.
You've answered your own question. Or was this thread just something to talk about and you already had opinions but just wanted others?
I had my own views but I still wanted to see what others thought. I also wanted to if people could explain where this type of behavior originates from.
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