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At this point in my life I have to deal with several stressful and time-consuming issues at once. These issues really affect my mood. Therefore I don't think I can really deal with the added stress from maintaining friendships. I think part of this is my current lack of luck in meeting the right people. Has anyone here ever felt the way I do that even though you want to maintain friendships you wonder if you have enough energy to do so because of stressful life events beyond your control?
At this point in my life I have to deal with several stressful and time-consuming issues at once. These issues really affect my mood. Therefore I don't think I can really deal with the added stress from maintaining friendships. I think part of this is my current lack of luck in meeting the right people. Has anyone here ever felt the way I do that even though you want to maintain friendships you wonder if you have enough energy to do so because of stressful life events beyond your control?
You really need friends,you gotta have them, they help you in like all the aspects of life
Just spare some time for them no matter how stressful your life events are
You really need friends,you gotta have them, they help you in like all the aspects of life
Just spare some time for them no matter how stressful your life events are
I think a big part of the reason why I feel I can't be bothered with making friends right now is that during the past year I tried to make friends with the wrong people. Either they were complete fakes who pretended to be my friends or they were too busy for new friends. Unfortunately, I suck at noticing this about peopel straight away. Dealing with these people has caused me nothing but stress and disappointment. I wished I could have real friends, I really do but I feel like at this point in life at .least I won't meet any sincere people with enough time to make new friends. Maybe I never will.
Real friend's don't add stress to your life. They help to ease it. And you do the same for them. To have good friends you need to be a good friend. But also be very selective about the kind of person you are close to. And make sure that you are the kind of person who deserves to have those kinds of friends.
Real friend's don't add stress to your life. They help to ease it. And you do the same for them. To have good friends you need to be a good friend. But also be very selective about the kind of person you are close to. And make sure that you are the kind of person who deserves to have those kinds of friends.
I'm not the kind of person who adds stress to other people's lives. I always try my best to be considerate of others. Sometimes I'm even too considerate. For example in the past I was ok with travelling where my "friends" lived but where they ever ok with travelling where I live? No. I'm talking about distances of half an hour by car here. My main issue is that I don't open up enough to other people. Also, I don't have much money which probably means people don't want to be friends with me. Unfortunately, I keep meeting inconsiderate people. Basically, my problem is that I never seem to meet people who are sincere, not too busy with their own lives, and actually want to be friends with me.
I'm not the kind of person who adds stress to other people's lives. I always try my best to be considerate of others. Sometimes I'm even too considerate. For example in the past I was ok with travelling where my "friends" lived but where they ever ok with travelling where I live? No. I'm talking about distances of half an hour by car here. My main issue is that I don't open up enough to other people. Also, I don't have much money which probably means people don't want to be friends with me. Unfortunately, I keep meeting inconsiderate people. Basically, my problem is that I never seem to meet people who are sincere, not too busy with their own lives, and actually want to be friends with me.
I think shadowfax is saying your friends shouldn't add stress. In my darkest times my friends helped me.
I do understand what the OP is saying. In a time where many of us are working 60-70 hour work weeks, juggling kids, medical issues and absolute stress about getting everything done, carving out an extra hour to meet for lunch or dinner just makes me want to break down and cry. I am a very private person, so FB is a bloodsucking privacy issue. What I may say to one married friend is not the same I would share with my single friends, besides, FB would get me fired living in a political town. And let's face it, some relationships turn toxic, where one of the friends get sucked down the pity path and they don't want out, but expect you to listen to them, ask you for advice, not listen, yet continue down the path of self destruction. (Not talking about a few months, but almost 10 years of "it just can't get any worse. But when 3 lawyers, 3 dentists and 3 doctors drop you for bad behavior......." I abruptly ended one such 30 year relationship when she turned on me, mocked me and made fun of me publically, all because I drew the line on what behavior I would and would not tolerate. We each individually decide how people will treat us, not them. Some friendships, like marriages cannot be fixed. I do wish her well, but I cannot be the friend she needs.
It takes a lot of time to navigate a new relationship and I do not believe I have the time to establish new friendships. The few existing friendships are not a burden, not at all. We know and understand each other. We all work high intensity jobs with horrible hours, but new friendships wouldn't understand, "VIP call, click.". We understand a shorthand that new friends would likely decide is behavior they could not tolerate, and rightfully so. I value the very few friends I have, but I don't see how I can possibly be a new good friend. Does that make sense?
Do you exercise? Walk regularly? It is nice to have an exercise buddy. Or if you have a hobby or interest, it's nice to join a group or take a class. You can have some interaction with purpose and not feel pressure of friendship demands.
If you have to work at keeping friends, these people are wrong for you, IMO.
Concentrate on doing what you have to, and when possible, doing nice things for others. I am talking about small kindnesses. Stay open and receptive, and if you have contact with enough people, you might surprise yourself with a good friendship. You don't need that many friends anyway. Just a couple of really good ones.
I always try to be kind to others. For example, yesterday I gave a friend a ride to a bar we were both going to and later texted her that I had a great time and I'm happy to know her. She replied to my text that she was happy I had a great time but didn't say she was happy to know me or anything like that. At university I always help people when they need help. Now I hardly ever hear from these people.
The article describes how I've been feeling for my whole life. It already started in Kindergarten when my friend ditched me for another girl, and nothing has really changed since.
At least I have a boyfriend and a cat, so that's something I guess.
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