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Hi, I'm a young man who got a girl pregnant. It wasn't my fault though. We found out that we had the same taste in music so it was inevitable that we would have sex. And condoms or other forms of birth control? Pffft, forget that...who can afford condoms?! Besides, some guy I know in Italy says that birth protection shouldn't be used and he's like the president of his own city so...you know, badda bing bada boom and she's preggo.
Now what? She wants to strip and I'm like OK, let me know what club and maybe I'll come by sometime. Because you know, I gotsta keep a connection with my baby's momma.
Okay, more advice coming (although it seems every single piece of advice already offered has been refused or refuted by the OP).
Nothing that happens to you at 21 is your parents' fault. Nothing.
You may have had it tough growing up (although I'm not sure parents that are too strict makes them the worst by a long shot). Your parents had rules, you disagreed and rebelled. You're still living there without having a high school education or (it appears) any job at all, eating their food and not paying rent. By any standard that puts you in the upper echelon of parental involvement. Many many young people have done tremendous things with their lives without those luxuries. Your mother SHOULD disapprove of the previous choices you've made - quitting school, not working, your choices with men. It is not a mothers' job to support poor choices.
As for this baby - there is no way at all that keeping this baby is in the baby's best interests. You complain about your parents but appear to be perfectly willing to drop a new baby on them. I'm not religious but I think this baby's statistical chances of success are significantly less than yours were in your parents' home, and I'm hoping you'd want better for your daughter or son?
Your online reputation isn't your biggest problem and at 21 you have to accept the consequences of a very poor choice to publicize your nude body to anyone. To start stripping is ridiculous, and about the worst form of career planning for a pregnant woman intending to keep her child. If you keep this child you need a plan that is longer range than a few months.
Counselling for you is critical no matter your decision. The victim mentality is annoying, self serving and perhaps the worst trait to pass along to your child. If you were raped, find the resources to press charges. If saying you were "bullied" into sex is a passive way to avoid the consequences of your actions then that's atrocious. Own your choices, stop making them, and regardless of what you do about this baby get your life in order.
Finally, as stated above by another poster, if you keep this baby the relationship with the father isn't all about you and whether he "is mad at you". Your ONLY decision from this moment on is "what's in the best interests of my baby"? Which if you keep it is to have the father contribute financially at a minimum.
First things first: If you don't believe in abortion then don't let anybody on this board talk you into it. We don't have to live your life or suffer with your conscience about what decision you make.
But there are ways to get away from the abusive environment in which you live. You my dear would qualify to go into a domestic violence shelter. YWCA has shelters to help women escape environments like yours so that you can have a chance at getting a job, getting housing, getting much needed counseling, and achieving independence.
You're grown and you can't live your life for your mother. You and only you have to live with the consequences of your choices. And realize that if you receive counseling and parenting classes you can be a much better mom to your baby and give your baby the love and good start that you never had.
But sweetheart you will need help. Reach out to domestic violence services in your area. Google YWCA in the closest area to you and find a counselor and tell her EVERYTHING you told us and I'm sure they will help you escape that situation and find help for raising your baby if you want that.
KathyBaby (and perhaps it's significant that you describe yourself as "Baby"), you're an example of the complete failure of someone in the face of a society that has worked to make things easier for you.
Many people over many decades devoted their time and energy to create policies to ensure that you could get a free education through high school, so that you would have free libraries to expend your learning. People wrestled through horrible work place situations so that you would have access to respectable careers, instead of tawdry jobs as a stripper or hooker. People fought public battles and risked being shamed, beaten, and jailed, so that you would have access to birth control and legal abortion.
You're really turning your back on a century of history of people who labored to make life easier, freer, and respectable.
... I am not selfish though, if I can't find a stable job then I'll consider giving it up for adoption. I wish I could find a better job then being a stripper but I didn't finish high school, I have no talent, no hobbies, no nothing, this is the only way I can realistically make a lot of money.
Please read the above again KathyBaby. The odds of you finding and keeping a stable job with (as you describe it) no talents, no hobbies, no high school are exceedingly low. The best thing for your baby (and you) (if you don't believe in or want an abortion) is to arrange now for a loving stable supportive home for your child, and get enrolled in school as soon as possible to start your future off.
As for the poster that talks about her life being abusive, come on, the world doesn't need more victims. This is a young woman from an overprotective home who has made exceedingly poor choices to date. That's not abuse. She made the choice to:
drop out of school,
cheat on her boyfriend,
send nudes (her ex sound like an idiot to be fair).
sleep with a "friend" she's not committed to (who now she has no relationship with)
There is nothing kind creating a culture of being the "victim" instead of looking at the choices she's made.
The good news is she can make different ones starting immediately. Find a home for her baby, go back to school, get a stable job (not stripping) and make better choices about men. I strongly encourage you to get some counselling to find your direction in life.
Please think about your baby - would you think the chances of the baby having a full and successful life are higher in your circumstance, or by giving the baby a chance at a stable family life for the next 18 years.
Thanks for the replies, I am not trolling btw. I am going to tell my mom today that I am pregnant, if I have her support(which I doubt I will), then I am keep my baby. If I don't then I'll start calling adoption agencies. My ex bf is not the father btw, I should of made that clear.The guy I cheated with on him( a former friend) is the father. I'll eventually tell him about pregnancy too, hopefully he still isn't mad at me.
For the baby's sake choose a really good adoption agency and set of parents.
Believe me, he/she will thank you for it one day!!!
Hi Listen this is an important decision, and no matter what you will need support! Im sorry you dont have real friends or family to be there for you esp now... All I can say is do the best you can, work as much as you can now, find somewhere where you can get help or aid. If not your options are to struggle alone, more depressed with a child who cant help themselves. Adoption an option? You can also prob check out surrogates I know they have like mandatory rules and stuff but at least you get paid and you can start over? Idk im just trying to help GdLk
Absolutely 100% WRONG reason to have a baby. Honey, you are setting yourself up for a bad situation and a rough life. Take care of YOURSELF first.
Abortion is by no means murder. That thing inside you has no feeling, no nerves, no mind, no thoughts, no conscious, it's just a little blob. It doesn't know it exists and it won't know if it doesn't. Abortion IS a responsible choice.
Before I read those stories I could think other way, not anymore.
Everyone has their choice to make how they are feeling.
It takes 2 to have sex and make a baby but don't have willingly sex if you don't want a baby, this goes as well to men as well as women. Men are not freed of responsibility, sperm delivering is sperm delivering. If you are not willing to have a baby, don't deliver sperm into anyones vagina.
It is annoying that still 2015 only women are blamed for having "bad choices" meanwhile guys are the ones who are pressuring early sex.
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