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Once a year visits...if you don't mind my asking, other than being over bearing and disney princess, whats are the serious issues?
Not to compare but here's a story; I couldn't visit my mother without a serious issue where I had to pack and leave. Got to the point once a yr visits were out of the question. In one incident, she leaned over her kitchen island, grabbing my son by his arm, who at the time a 4yr old, yanking him clear across the island to the other side. I kid you not....Why...because, cutting the crust off his bread were coddling.
When my older son were growing up, his father and other grandparents would buy toy rifles and guns. I never made an issue of it, but made sure they disappeared. My son was never going to believe guns were toys.
Well, he joined the military; first things he did, get a tattoo of a smoking gun, right smack on his chest. Sometimes Penny, you can't win....sigh. But the good part, after leaving the military, he's never had an interest in, or bought a gun, but proudly served our country in the middle east.
Some of us have thoroughly studies the issue (it's not a new phenomenon) and have come to the conclusion that we have more of an influence over our children than Disney does, particularly since the princess phase is relatively short-lived.
I agree that for most girls the "pink, frilly princess phase" is pretty short, generally only for a year or two (peaking when they are four or five years old) and some girls never go through it.
If Penny does not want Disney Princess stuff at her house I agree with her that her in-laws should not buy it as gifts. There are plenty of other wonderful gifts for young children.
[quote=dysgenic;39642356]Moderator cut: now orphaned
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
I agree that for most girls the "pink, frilly princess phase" is pretty short, generally only for a year or two (peaking when they are four or five years old) and some girls never go through it.
If Penny does not want Disney Princess stuff at her house I agree with her that her in-laws should not buy it as gifts. There are plenty of other wonderful gifts for young children.
Thank you!
And just because a phase is short lived doesn't mean it doesn't have lifelong effects on a person. I know my influences are most important and will have the biggest effect, but why in the world should I subject my kids to that stuff when I don't HAVE to??? It is not essential to learning, to growing or developing. It is nothing but junk for their brains and they are most certainly doing fabulously without it.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 05-17-2015 at 07:24 AM..
To the OP... you keep saying EVERYONE is attacking you and that's not true. I'm on your side and so are some others. You are maybe only paying attention to the negative posts. Surely you realize anyone posting in an internet forum are open to being criticized, picked apart and hung up to dry. It's just the way it is. EVERYONE is not doing anything. SOME people are and some people aren't. Please notice the ones who are all for you.
I would not make an issue out of the gifts. Several of those disappeared shortly after they were received in our house. No harm meant, or perceived.
If a grandparent attempted to proselytize my kids against my wishes, we would have a major problem on our hands. Fortunately, none of the grandparents overstepped that line.
For the most part, my in-laws were wonderful as were my husband's in-laws (my parents). We rarely disagreed on anything. Our children became great friends with all four of their grandparents and admired and respected them deeply.
Our son, who is a research scientist with a doctorate, gives significant credit to his grandparents for inspiring his love of science, encouraging his dedication to learning and promoting and helping him to build his strong work ethic.
Our daughter, who is an long time activist, credits her grandparents for helping her learn how to overcome adversity and problems as well as how to be a true friend and helper to others in the global community.
The people that our adult children became was greatly influenced by their grandparents.
Kids grow up and do follow faiths other than what they've grown up with. Right now, its for the OP to decide, not his parents. Don't you see the disrespect?
This thread makes me sad. I adore my MIL -- and it's not because I had a miserable relationship with my mother and I'm trying to substitute. My mom is wonderful, and my MIL is a gem. She has her opinion on things, and I have mine, but we are respectful of each other's differences. She has always been supportive of us while we were raising our children, is one of the most positive, active and engaging people I know, and I consider her one of my best friends. I only hope I can be like her when it's my turn to be a MIL.
Here's what I learned: Kids learn lots of things from their parents -- for most kids, their parents open the windows to the world. But grandparents open different windows. Most grandparents love their grandchildren in a way that is different from the way they loved their children -- neither better or worse, just different. If your child learns about Jesus from one set of grandparents and about Abraham from the other grandparents, what's wrong with that? You can explain to your children, in private, that throughout their lives, they will encounter people of different beliefs, and while it is necessary to be respectful of those beliefs, it does not mean that they have to subscribe to them.
Here's a tidbit for thought: No matter HOW your raise your child in terms of religion, they will almost always choose their own path. Some find Jesus. Some find Allah. Some meditate on Buddha's teachings. Some reject any faith and try to make sense out of their world in other ways. You can take a kid to church every Sunday for years, but in college, they may find themselves interested in other ways of relating to the world. Or you can be dogmatcally agnostic or atheist, and your child will end up gong to the local community church with their friends, and enjoying the fellowship and wonder "what's wrong with this?" And you can't control that. You SHOULDN'T control that -- just like you developed your own faith system, so will they. They may not agree with you, and ironically, 25 years from now, you may find yourself taken aback that they are taking their 6 year old to Vacation Bible School and a private Christian school that has chapel every Friday and required Bible classes. :-)
We raised our family with what you would probably call a strong religious background. As I told them -- until they were 18, they were a part of our family, and this is one of our family traditions. At 18, they were free to choose. As is often typical, they then spread their wings and church was not a part of their life for a long time . . . get up early on Sunday while at University? Not happening. And now, as young adults, they choose their own path. For one, that's regular attendance at a church of her choice. For the other, it's holidays, or when he visits with a grandparent. When they have kids, they will choose how to raise them. They are intelligent, thoughtful and caring young people -- and they will do what is right for them and their loved ones. Will they make mis-steps? Sure. Just like we did. :-D But they, too, will survive.
OP, I would urge you not to take differences quite so personally -- you said that you got along with your in-laws at one point, but I sense you are feeling attacked and that you feel you are being judged for your decisions. So what if you are? Guess what -- THEY are feeling judged and attacked, too, because you are choosing a different course, and they are in some way interpreting that choice as a slam on what they did. However, YOU get to choose how you react. You can react in anger, or you can meet them with goodwill. Be glad they want to be a part of their grandchild's life -- there are many grandparents who are remarkably uncaring about their grandchildren. Thank them sincerely for the gift, and then cheerfully toss the frilly costume or the unacceptable toy (or donate it to a Ronald McDonald house or a shelter). Ultimately, meeting them with goodwill will go further towards preserving the harmony and peace you are probably striving for in the first place. :-)
OP: I'm sorry if you are feeling attacked; it certainly wasn't intentional. I do hope you'll take some differing opinions to heart; perhaps it will help soften your views of your MIL's intentions and lead toward a more productive dialogue between the two of you.
So, pretend that your in-laws are Buddhist or Muslim or Wicca/Warlock or Mormon or Jewish or are in a religious cult and they truly believe that their religion is correct, would you feel that they had the right to discuss it with your preschool children who you and your spouse are raising as Christians?
And, your answer is ? ? ?
dysgenic, are you a parent, and if yes, how old are your children?
Yes, I would have a problem with it. These religions (as I understand them) worship false God's.
There is only one true God. He is The God of Abraham, The God of Isaac, and The God of Jacob.
ps- I am a parent. Age 5 girl.
Last edited by dysgenic; 05-16-2015 at 05:09 PM..
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