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I agree with kayanne, you say something like "Excuse me" or "Pardon me" or "Can I help you?" or "I need you" or "Please stop" or whatever is appropriate for the situation. Guess what? Those phrases are suitable for anyone,men or women, old or young, boy or girl.
So are sir, ma'am, miss, and young man. And if you are trying to get somebody's attention, using sir or ma'am, helps to narrow the pool. Calling out "excuse me!" can get a lot of heads turning from both sexes.
So are sir, ma'am, miss, and young man. And if you are trying to get somebody's attention, using sir or ma'am, helps to narrow the pool. Calling out "excuse me!" can get a lot of heads turning from both sexes.
This is so not the big deal people think it is.
This. The people are offended by such things are people are seeking to be offended. If it's not that, it would be something else equally trivial.
I have to say that the pettiness and fractious nature of the views expressed on this thread depress me a little. It's almost as if these people lie awake at night seeking out reasons to fault others. Then some of the same people will appear in another thread, wondering why they have so few friends.
A person who says Sir or Ma'am is, 99.9999% of the time, making an attempt to be respectful and polite. That person isn't trying to denigrate you, isn't trying to make you feel old, and isn't trying to put your in your place. The person who is trying to be polite isn't, a very large majority of the time, trying to manipulate you either.
Nope. All that person is trying to do is accord you respect, one human being to another. And if you are suspicious of it, if you scorn it, if you worry that it makes you feel old, then that really speaks to your own character flaws. Either that or you're so consumed by your own agenda in life that you don't recognize politeness when you see it.
If anything, we inhabit a world where basic courtesy is in short supply. One would have to be the village idiot to complain when they are the beneficiary of it.
It is apparent in this thread that some people who grew up saying sir and ma'am consider their habits to be superior and more mannerly than the habits of those who grew up in other regions. They cannot concede that this issue is simply one of geographical and dialect differences.
I say it is like hand gestures and different meanings. To me, a "thumbs up" gesture means "way to go" or "I like that" or general encouragement. In some cultures, it is considered very rude and offensive. It would be ridiculous of me to continue giving thumbs up in a part of the world where it is offensive. It would be ridiculous of me to criticize people as being petty for not interpreting my gesture as the encouragement I intended. It would be ridiculous of me to act superior to people who prefer that I not use the thumbs up gesture. And it would be ridiculous for me to insist that everyone should interpret thumbs up the same way that I do.
Whether you like it or not, whether you agree or not, whether you can grasp it or not, there are many places where "ma'am" does NOT convey respect to most women, as in those places, it is a term only used for elderly or sarcasm.
In closing, I'm going to give myself a big thumbs up. Interpret it as you wish.
It is apparent in this thread that some people who grew up saying sir and ma'am consider their habits to be superior and more mannerly than the habits of those who grew up in other regions. They cannot concede that this issue is simply one of geographical and dialect differences.
The is a large part of the issue right there. People act like it's the height of respect...but it's superficial and says nothing about their character or even if they are really polite.
It is habit in some areas and maybe more neutral in tone there...but someone tries that hard to appear polite...chances are they really aren't.
However, people have stopped being raised properly and to say it's regional is uneducated at best. There are many countries all over the world who don't call elders or anyone they don't know by the first name.
People have lost respect for other people in America, and it is very rude actually.
I teach my kids how to properly address other people.
No it's not. It's not proper at all. See in the South they still clung to the remnants of the European aristocracy model; therefore outward social status was important. Sir and Ma'am are nothing more than "defer to your betters, serf" type social norms. The reason it never caught on in the Northeast or places with a more pioneer everyone close together history like the West was because the social classes (outwardly at least) didn't become important anymore like that. Who cares who so and so's ancestors were, you're both working in a garment factory together, shopping at the same butcher etc. Call them by their first name and drop this pathetic classist "by your leave my liege" b.s. we came to America to get away from.
As others have said, especially in the modern day respect is EARNED not assumed, and I'm very happy for that. Someone should not sneer and gossip about someone else not using the proper archaic terminology they expected to be entitled to, this is one thing I hated most about the phony baloney politeness of the South.
The is a large part of the issue right there. People act like it's the height of respect...but it's superficial and says nothing about their character or even if they are really polite.
It is habit in some areas and maybe more neutral in tone there...but someone tries that hard to appear polite...chances are they really aren't.
This! This right here. I've experienced so many people from the South (when I was in the military, stationed down there for a while, in college etc) who think "*gasp!* He didn't use the proper title and treat me like a noble, he's so rude!" But in reality I find Northeasterners far FAR more polite and personable than Southerners. Yes we go on a first name basis, and you usually know where you actually stand with someone and can have genuine friendships without all this "bless your heart" passive aggressive nonsense and gossip.
It is apparent in this thread that some people who grew up saying sir and ma'am consider their habits to be superior and more mannerly than the habits of those who grew up in other regions. They cannot concede that this issue is simply one of geographical and dialect differences.
I say it is like hand gestures and different meanings. To me, a "thumbs up" gesture means "way to go" or "I like that" or general encouragement. In some cultures, it is considered very rude and offensive.
It would be ridiculous of me to continue giving thumbs up in a part of the world where it is offensive.
It would be ridiculous of me to criticize people as being petty for not interpreting my gesture as the encouragement I intended.
It would be ridiculous of me to act superior to people who prefer that I not use the thumbs up gesture.
And it would be ridiculous for me to insist that everyone should interpret thumbs up the same way that I do.
Whether you like it or not, whether you agree or not, whether you can grasp it or not, there are many places where "ma'am" does NOT convey respect to most women, as in those places, it is a term only used for elderly or sarcasm.
In closing, I'm going to give myself a big thumbs up. Interpret it as you wish.
What a great post! I'm giving it three "thumbs up"!
I quite like being called Ma'am. Brings a smile to my face every time!
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