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My wife knows little about Dave. All she knows is Dave is a business executive and has worked in sales and marketing and is constantly in environments that require he make small talk to strangers. He CAN make conversation, but not to me.
Basically he is being a bully toward you. He has the "girls" wrapped around his finger, and he's not going to let you in. If you confront him, he'll deny it and manipulate it so that you come off as the one at fault. What this type of person hates most is to be ignored. They enjoy power and feeling superior. Don't in any way give away your power to him. Laugh to yourself at his behavior and show self confidence. Ignore him and just don't respond in any way; no snide remarks or effort to befriend him. Don't ever let it show that he is affecting you, because that's what he wants and then he "wins" in his mind. He wants you to feel and look like a weakling; don't play into his manipulations or expect him to be normal.
I wouldn't go since its all women and the man is a "grunter", and you dont have to either, especially if it isn't a special event. I learned that the hard way
I sit some of my partners family gatherings out, as they are constant, and sometimes I just cant stand them. Nice people, but overwhelming, and to the point where I feel like i just seen them, and would rather time time alone.
PS: also, your "dragged" there???
dont go. simple, as an adult man, you dont have to.
it took me a while to be like this, but im glad.
He should not be allowed to be a bully and someone needs to put him in his place. I think I am going to make a scene next time. It could not get any worse. (I asked my wife if that would be Ok and she said yes, and thought it would be really interesting.
If I were going to make a scene what is the best approach?
Make fun of his grunts and silence in front of everyone
Ask in point blank in front of everyone why he won't talk
Demand in uncertain terms that he be more polite
Talk about him in front of the women like he is not there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harpaint
Basically he is being a bully toward you. He has the "girls" wrapped around his finger, and he's not going to let you in. If you confront him, he'll deny it and manipulate it so that you come off as the one at fault. What this type of person hates most is to be ignored. They enjoy power and feeling superior. Don't in any way give away your power to him. Laugh to yourself at his behavior and show self confidence. Ignore him and just don't respond in any way; no snide remarks or effort to befriend him. Don't ever let it show that he is affecting you, because that's what he wants and then he "wins" in his mind. He wants you to feel and look like a weakling; don't play into his manipulations or expect him to be normal.
I don't think you should have that 'chat' with Dave. As you're the newcomer to the family, I do think he is behaving rudely. He's socially obliged to be a nice host to you and make you feel comfortable and he seems to be unwilling to do that. If I were you I'd lessen the visits, refuse to tag along to so many of them, and I'd be the one inviting THEM over, so he is out of his territory and then you can be the gracious host and show him how it's done.
He should not be allowed to be a bully and someone needs to put him in his place. I think I am going to make a scene next time. It could not get any worse. (I asked my wife if that would be Ok and she said yes, and thought it would be really interesting.
If I were going to make a scene what is the best approach?
Make fun of his grunts and silence in front of everyone
Ask in point blank in front of everyone why he won't talk
Demand in uncertain terms that he be more polite
Talk about him in front of the women like he is not there.
Sounds like you're willing to stoop to his level and act like a high school. Take the high ground and just ignore him. You certainly won't gain any friends in your wife's family by doing this.
He should not be allowed to be a bully and someone needs to put him in his place. I think I am going to make a scene next time. It could not get any worse. (I asked my wife if that would be Ok and she said yes, and thought it would be really interesting.
If I were going to make a scene what is the best approach?
Make fun of his grunts and silence in front of everyone
Ask in point blank in front of everyone why he won't talk
Demand in uncertain terms that he be more polite
Talk about him in front of the women like he is not there.
HardLuck... I'd do as others have suggested. If you're not going to talk to him like an adult (from my first reply) then do NOT stoop to his level. You'll be the one that others will see as being in the wrong.
If you were in Dave's shoe's and had decided that you had nothing in common with me and did not enjoy my company but I came to you and asked for your friendship for family harmony, how would you reply?
That would be weird and awkward so don't do that.
He may have other issues going on that make him standoffish. Maybe his job sucks. Maybe he found out his son is meth addict. The point is, you don't know why he's grumpy so don't go jumping to conclusions about his feelings toward you.
Maybe that's just the way he is so just leave him be and don't force the issue.I keep my mouth shut around all of my wifes family and it usually works out well. If you're bored at these functions then bring a crossword puzzle book or an ipad.
According to my wife the other sisters and her mother have observed the interpersonal dynamics between Dave and myself and think less of me because Dave has not accepted me into the family. Something is strange about the rules of interpersonal dynamics where the unfriendly aloof person gets credibility and status. Dave does not need to talk to me, I appear needy trying to butter up Dave.
Why do you even worry about that crap?? Who gives a shizzle what they think of you and who are they to pass judgment anyway. Just be your own man.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat
Chances are "Dave" wishes he wasn't there, either.
I was going to say exactly the same thing.
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