Hey all,
I wanted to post this because I've always struggled a bit coping with this. I feel very envious at times and wish some members of my family would help me financially so I can live the similarly comfortable life them and their children (my cousins) have had. Though, it's not right for me to expect that and I have never outright asked for help because I feel bad to do so. Still, I can't help but wish I could just get a taste of their lifestyle.
DISCLAIMER before I continue: I am not some deadbeat who lives in debt and can't handle my finances. I have excellent credit and very little debt. My issue is I grew up with very wealthy family members but my own mom and dad were the black sheep of the family and lower middle class (barely). I always had less opportunities than those around me (my many cousins), and because my mom and dad lived check to check, things like going to a good college or pursuing opportunities were often out of reach. Most important, when I moved out, I was truly on my own with no safety net of wealthy parents. My cousins had their parent's bank accounts whenever they needed it. This is a thread about coping with this type of situation. Moving on.
I come from a large family who are all generally very wealthy and financially well off. My grandfather was a very successful dentist (had his own practice earning a very high income and made millions more off good investments). His four children were all ushered into good colleges. Three all went into very high paying careers and/or married someone with a very good business or career. These three families all earned 250-300k income per year (two of them single income!!!), and they had much more saved due to how much they were able to invest from that. They also had 4 children each and now each of their children (my cousins) have been set up to be wealthy thanks to the graces of their parents. Then you have my dad and mom.
My dad wanted to be a musician but my grandfather pushed him out of it into medicine, which he dropped out of after 3 years in to become a salesman. My mom (as much as I love her) was only ever a stay at home mom/wife. We were the black sheep of the family. This was worsened by my father making very poor financial choices and even with my grandfather loaning him hundreds of thousands of dollars, my father would squander it away. I'll say I didn't have a terrible life growing up, but we were very much so lower middle class and it was tough when all my cousins and aunts and uncles were living the lives of the rich and famous. (Country clubs, elaborate vacations, huge homes, yachts, private schools for their kids, etc etc) When I was 20, my parents divorced, and now my mom lives off government assistance and my dad also has tons of debt, a low paying job, and he developed an unfortunate liking to drugs and alcohol.
My grandfather has pretty much cut him off and refused to help financially anymore.
And here I am, caught up in all the middle of this. As I said earlier, I'm not a deadbeat following in the footsteps of my dad. I did well in school and have a college degree. I've worked since I was 16 and have been in professional jobs since I was 23. Unfortunately though, I've had a lot of layoffs in my twenties and watched my big savings diminish while I looked for new work. I'm 28 now and my finances have been like a rubberband. Thankfully never dipping into the red, but I would save up 30k over a year or so, but find myself having to use it the next year because I was out of a job and in a higher cost of living situation. (or had to relocate, medical bill, car repair, etc) Enough on that though. The problem I'm having is coping with being the poor family members when all my other family are wealthy.
I literally have no safety net. My parents are divorced and it sucks to not have a home to go to in case I needed it. I'm watching my cousins (a little younger than me) being bought cars, EVEN HOMES by their parents, having their full college bills paid in full, getting into good careers thanks to their parent's recognition in our area and connections, being able to take any risk they can dream of because they have a huge cash reserve to back that up. Meanwhile I have a car I paid for in full with monthly payments, I have college loan payments I'll be paying off for awhile, I've been desperately trying to save up a down payment for a SMALL starter home so my wife and I can finally have our own place. It's been a struggle for me to find work. My wife and I want children so badly too, but don't feel secure enough financially to do so.... Life is still moving on though, time is not slowing down.
The point is. How can I cope with being the "one that has to struggle" when all my other family members are (and have always been) financially independent. They never had to worry about paying rent, being homeless, or getting food for the week. They never struggled to find a job, never realized they couldn't afford what they needed to get ahead. It just really hurts me sometimes to have grown up in a situation like this, and I feel wrong and selfish to make this post, but hey I'm human and the way I feel is the way I feel. Some people might just say ask them for money, but I know already my aunts and uncles would not contribute, and my grandfather might, but I feel guilty to ask him after all the money he gave to my dad that was wasted. I don't want to have to beg... but at the same time I can not exclaim how happy I would if someone from my family said, hey, you want to buy a home for you and your wife, here's 150k, go buy it. I would probably die from happiness and gratitude. It would be such a relief to me. Everyday in my twenties has been a worry to know confidently that food and shelter could be afforded, because even when times were going well for me, I knew that unemployment or unexpected financial burdens could occur. It would be so nice for once to not have that worry. To finally have some positive net worth and equity to feel secure on.
What do people think my best course of action is in this situation? I'm always trying to improve my situation but it's just such a slow process. I'm currently getting my master's degree and learning some new skills on the side as well. It would just be so nice for a little extra help right now to get my and my wife started a solid foundation!
P.S. Sorry if this sounds whiny.... I know it can be much worse, trust me I know. But like I said earlier, The situation is what it is and I feel how I do.
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The medical community doesn't throw around a diagnosis....specially about ppl they don't know or just think they know.
