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I just read the following description and it matches me perfectly. I do not feel romantic love. Note that aromantics can be asexual or not. I'm not an asexual (presumably a bunch of my ancestors procreated primarily through rape and pillaging or something and that's how I got to be the way I am today):
An aromantic is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others. Where romantic people have an emotional need to be with another person in a romantic relationship, aromantics are often satisfied with friendships and other non-romantic relationships. What distinguishes romantic relationships from a non-romantic relationships can vary diversely, but often includes physical connection (holding hands, cuddling, etc.) The aromantic attribute is usually considered to be innate and not a personal choice, just as the lack of sexual attraction is innate to asexuals. It is important to note that aromantics do not lack emotional/personal connection, but simply have no instinctual need to develop connections of a romantic nature. Aromantics can have needs for just as much empathetic support as romantics, but these needs can be fulfilled in a platonic way. Aromantic - AVENwiki
I get confused by others' desire for romantic love. I know why they have that desire. It's simply their instincts...but I can't relate to it on an emotional level. I look at people in monogamous relationships and think: Why would you want to focus so much of your empathy on one person? Don't you get bored?
What I understand about the desire for romantic relationships is the desire to look into the eyes of another human being and think: I'm alive. I see you're alive too. I see your eyes looking back at me when I look at you and I know we both have dreams and hardships, and I understand a piece of that. I am your brother/sister in spirit, your fellow human, and for the most part we're on the same team.
To anyone who might have unusual emotions, I recommend going over to the intimate relationships forum and starting a thread telling all your personal information. It's a wonderful learning experience. Oh, some of them will probably claim that you're lying and all sorts of things, but I learned a huge amount about myself from that forum partially through reading others' reactions (and also through a few particularly kindhearted people who really think about your thread). They have many people over on that forum who clearly don't have any idea what they're saying until long after they've said it...but that lack of forethought can be a great way for readers to learn about themselves through the reactions of people on that forum.
Any other aromantics out there? Note that if you merely spend a lot of time dating multiple women or men or playing the field and you don't plan on marrying, you're not necessarily aromantic. I've never even understood (on an emotional level) why anyone would want what most of society seems to think of as a girlfriend...except for the carnal/physical stuff. The other things I crave that might be gotten from a girlfriend, I could get from friends.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 08-17-2015 at 06:09 AM..
I get confused by others' desire for romantic love. I know why they have that desire. It's simply their instincts...but I can't relate to it on an emotional level. I look at people in monogamous relationships and think: Why would you want to focus so much of your empathy on one person? Don't you get bored?
What I understand about the desire for romantic relationships is the desire to look into the eyes of another human being and think: I'm alive. I see you're alive too. I see your eyes looking back at me when I look at you and I know we both have dreams and hardships, and I understand a piece of that. I am your brother/sister in spirit, your fellow human, and for the most part we're on the same team.
I hardly know where to start, so I'll just start by saying, "Wow. It's so much more than what you just described."
I've always been very monogamous. Never "cheated on" anyone. And I love being married to another very monogamous person.
Sure - we have a romantic attraction to each other, if by "romantic" you mean enjoying intimacy together on many levels, from sex to simply leaving a little note for the other person to find or sending the other person a racy email, or buying each other presents, enjoying a date night, etc.
But a long term monogamous relationship is a lot more than that. SO much more. It's the accumulation of shared experiences. It's striving toward the same goals together. It's sharing laughs over silly things that other people wouldn't understand. It's sharing our heartaches and tears together during difficult times. It's the TRUST that the sharing of our most private dreams, fears, joys, hopes, heartaches, etc will not be violated. It's knowing that if we get sick or hurt, that our partner will be there for us. It's realizing the satisfaction that comes from being there for our partner as well.
I've never been bored in my marriage. Ever. Not for one second. Just as you can't relate to someone NOT being bored, I can't relate to being married to someone who bores me. Life is interesting. Loving other people is interesting. Setting and reaching goals is interesting. Building a life together is interesting. Raising kids is interesting. Extended family relationships are interesting. Sharing the joy of grandchildren together is interesting.
Note that I didn't say all of it is always PLEASANT but it's very emotionally satisfying to me to share these experiences with someone I trust completely.
I hardly know where to start, so I'll just start by saying, "Wow. It's so much more than what you just described."
I've always been very monogamous. Never "cheated on" anyone. And I love being married to another very monogamous person.
Sure - we have a romantic attraction to each other, if by "romantic" you mean enjoying intimacy together on many levels, from sex to simply leaving a little note for the other person to find or sending the other person a racy email, or buying each other presents, enjoying a date night, etc.
But a long term monogamous relationship is a lot more than that. SO much more. It's the accumulation of shared experiences. It's striving toward the same goals together. It's sharing laughs over silly things that other people wouldn't understand. It's sharing our heartaches and tears together during difficult times. It's the TRUST that the sharing of our most private dreams, fears, joys, hopes, heartaches, etc will not be violated. It's knowing that if we get sick or hurt, that our partner will be there for us. It's realizing the satisfaction that comes from being there for our partner as well.
I've never been bored in my marriage. Ever. Not for one second. Just as you can't relate to someone NOT being bored, I can't relate to being married to someone who bores me. Life is interesting. Loving other people is interesting. Setting and reaching goals is interesting. Building a life together is interesting. Raising kids is interesting. Extended family relationships are interesting. Sharing the joy of grandchildren together is interesting.
Note that I didn't say all of it is always PLEASANT but it's very emotionally satisfying to me to share these experiences with someone I trust completely.
Thanks for the response. That is more complex than I'd thought about.
I just read the following description and it matches me perfectly. I do not feel romantic love. Note that aromantics can be asexual or not. I'm not an asexual (presumably a bunch of my ancestors procreated primarily through rape and pillaging or something and that's how I got to be the way I am today):
An aromantic is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others. Where romantic people have an emotional need to be with another person in a romantic relationship, aromantics are often satisfied with friendships and other non-romantic relationships. What distinguishes romantic relationships from a non-romantic relationships can vary diversely, but often includes physical connection (holding hands, cuddling, etc.) The aromantic attribute is usually considered to be innate and not a personal choice, just as the lack of sexual attraction is innate to asexuals. It is important to note that aromantics do not lack emotional/personal connection, but simply have no instinctual need to develop connections of a romantic nature. Aromantics can have needs for just as much empathetic support as romantics, but these needs can be fulfilled in a platonic way. Aromantic - AVENwiki
I get confused by others' desire for romantic love. I know why they have that desire. It's simply their instincts...but I can't relate to it on an emotional level. I look at people in monogamous relationships and think: Why would you want to focus so much of your empathy on one person? Don't you get bored?
What I understand about the desire for romantic relationships is the desire to look into the eyes of another human being and think: I'm alive. I see you're alive too. I see your eyes looking back at me when I look at you and I know we both have dreams and hardships, and I understand a piece of that. I am your brother/sister in spirit, your fellow human, and for the most part we're on the same team.
To anyone who might have unusual emotions, I recommend going over to the intimate relationships forum and starting a thread telling all your personal information. It's a wonderful learning experience. Oh, some of them will probably claim that you're lying and all sorts of things, but I learned a huge amount about myself from that forum partially through reading others' reactions (and also through a few particularly kindhearted people who really think about your thread). They have many people over on that forum who clearly don't have any idea what they're saying until long after they've said it...but that lack of forethought can be a great way for readers to learn about themselves through the reactions of people on that forum.
Any other aromantics out there? Note that if you merely spend a lot of time dating multiple women or men or playing the field and you don't plan on marrying, you're not necessarily aromantic. I've never even understood (on an emotional level) why anyone would want what most of society seems to think of as a girlfriend...except for the carnal/physical stuff. The other things I crave that might be gotten from a girlfriend, I could get from friends.
Location: where you sip the tea of the breasts of the spinsters of Utica
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clintone
......
I get confused by others' desire for romantic love. I know why they have that desire. It's simply their instincts...but I can't relate to it on an emotional level. I look at people in monogamous relationships and think: Why would you want to focus so much of your empathy on one person? Don't you get bored?
What I understand about the desire for romantic relationships is the desire to look into the eyes of another human being and think: I'm alive. I see you're alive too. I see your eyes looking back at me when I look at you and I know we both have dreams and hardships, and I understand a piece of that. I am your brother/sister in spirit, your fellow human, and for the most part we're on the same team.
.....I've never even understood (on an emotional level) why anyone would want what most of society seems to think of as a girlfriend...except for the carnal/physical stuff. The other things I crave that might be gotten from a girlfriend, I could get from friends.
I'm actually more romantic than most, but sadly I think it comes down to emotional impulses caused by hormone release, which is started by neural connections - wiring which you lack, and of which I have an overload. It's not about the eyes and shared human experience.
The result is a rush of emotion which is similar to taking certain drugs. It's sort of like amphetamines mixed with opiates at first ..... then after that rush is over, the oxytocin kicks in with its feeling of mellow happiness and satisfaction. That promotes bonding to the family, at least for a few years until the kids grow enough for the family to get along without the provider/defender.
Date a younger professional girl from a big city. They're comfortable with the whole idea of "friends with benefits" since they have ambitions and don't want to get derailed along the way.
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