My wife's sister called and asked why we did not attend her 40th birthday party......... (abuse, business)
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Just curious...... If sister died would you and wife attend services?
Yes, to see what people said about her and visit with some relatives from my wife's family who live out of the area who are very nice.
The story is true and has not changed, I just provided more detail in updated postings to answer people's questions.
I find that any story regarding human nature on City Data is an interesting study of decision making based on personalities and experiences. The responses to my questions and comments are fascinating!
Talking to her sister and her husband is like trying to make conversation with a senior executive at a Fortune 500 Company if I were only a data entry clerk. They are both dismissive, aloof, and act like they are better than me. For years I tried to be friendly and speak to them in a friendly conversational way and they acted like they were 1000 times better than me. Total snobs.
Both my wife and I are very social people with lots of friends. I am very conversational with all kinds of people and feel comfortable with people from all backgrounds and personalities. If people make any effort to be nice, I will be too.
FYI: I asked my wife if I could drive out there and drop her off and pick her up in two hours. She said no.
Do you mean "better" like the way you feel better than people who eat at restaurants without coupons and splitting meals? Are you sure cost (including a gift) wasn't a factor in your decision not to go? You did mention this was a nice restaurant. I think there may be more to this scenario than you're presenting.
Well here's a vote for you, then! A couple at a party who does not want to be there and does not like the hosts is a party with at least two people too many!
Sad to say, my sister is a control freak narcissist and I keep my distance. I have relented and come to regret it. My wife also avoids her most of the time despite interests in common.
Don in Austin
THANK THE LORD, a voice of sanity in this thread of perfect families!!!
The OP did just fine sending a "will not attend" RSVP and just needs to simply reply to the inquiry now with "we were unavailable that evening; hope you enjoyed yourselves".
They don't owe a lengthy explanation to a distant, non-communicative party. The invite could have been a ploy on the sister's part to "look good" and possible get the upper hand in some family matter. However, the posters here can't see that angle.
Sometimes you need to stay apart from some other people for the better good.
Well, I don't know if this is a true story or not.
HOWEVER, it seems to me that we can take some interesting lessons from this discussion. One is that sometimes a family rift can simmer along for years, unspoken, and can continue like this forever with no further unpleasantness in the greater family. This is the situation you were in before this party. But by refusing this invitation you have brought the thing out into the open and turned it into a larger problem. You have to spend the rest of your life in this family, and now you have initiated a step change in the dynamics of it which you will have to deal with.
I can't imagine not going to my sister's birthday, no matter what her husband thinks of me.
But I come from a culture where family means something more than just a loose grouping of people who come together eventually to pick the inheritance off their dead relatives like vultures.
You guys skipping the party was shameful. How difficult would it have been to suck up your false pride, buy a bottle of wine and some flowers, drive the 25 mins to the restaurant, and try to show you at least care about another person, even if you don't see eye to eye? Not difficult at all.
Seems to me, OP, you guys are just catty, jealous individuals who are looking for any reason not to deal with the sister and her husband, even if it means imagining perceived slights to justify your actions and help you sleep at night.
Funny, I know a lot of really wealthy people and they couldn't be more down to earth and generous. Most are extremely philanthropic. My dad's friend donated 10,000 acres of South Carolina Low Country to the ACE Basin. One of my besties has her Aunt and Uncle's name all over University of South Carolina and her parent's name all over Coastal Carolina University. I could go on and on but you get my drift. I've never met a smug rich person. I have met a few smug a$$holes.
You've obviously already made up your mind and this event has already happened so why do you care what we think.
Some of us agree with you.
Many of us think you are an a$$hat.
No one is changing their mind.
Sigh.... I said they "tend to be." I never said every single rich person on the planet is snotty and smug. I've known a few nice ones, I've known more snobby ones.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wonderwall
I totally agree with you. People look really foolish when they assume someone is a snob because they're rich. If anything, those that wrote that on this thread are probably the ones with the issues.
And it is foolish to automatically assume that just because someone doesn't like or get along with a rich person, they are jealous. One of the first threads I posted was about being friends with people outside your economic status and a lot of people kept saying I was jealous and would not let it go when it couldn't be further from the truth. If the OP says he's a snob, why can't people just take his word for it instead of trying to pin the problem on him? Happens all the time on here.
I have not read that thread, did not comment and so was not one of those who assumed "just because someone doesn't like or get along with a rich person, they are jealous". When someone writes that "most rich people are snobs", they've got issues. Notice I did not say they are jealous (see my post above). I am not assuming that because you don't like one rich person, you've got issues, or two rich people. You actually wrote "Honestly, from my experience, wealthier people tend to be more smug, exclusive and frankly bigger *******s than us regular folk." That is far from us jumping down the OP's throat and accusing him of being jealous.
That being said, let us be frank here. Jealous plays a huge part in why many people don't get along. It's not exactly a rare human emotion. It is beyond rampant, and in my opinion, the root cause of much strife in the world!
For years I tried to be friendly and speak to them in a friendly conversational way and they acted like they were 1000 times better than me. Total snobs.
It's because they have smartphones, isn't it?
Frickin smartphones ruin everything.
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