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Hello,
I am not sure this is the right forum but I will ask anyways. I have a sister with a very low self esteem but she needs someone other than me to give her positive reinforcement. She lives with my parents and does alot for them although my parents don't think so. Honestly they pick on her alot. She wakes up at 4:00 starts work at 6:00 and when she comes home my dad says she is lazy and all sorts of things. BTW, she has 2 jobs. They are always comparing her to her friends and my younger sister. They always say things like you should be like so and so and you are a terrible daughter and lazy. It is endless. I have spoken to them at length about this but they don't stop and then they wonder why she is depressed and cries all the time. My sister and her compete but that is due to extreme favortism. She was living on her own for a long time but my parents would just camp out at her place for months and take over even though she told them to leave so I think now she figures what is the point. She is the sweetest person and would do anything for anyone. She has some medical issues that put her on a restrictive diet which upsets them and they don't believe she has medical problems. She doesn't date but the men that she has dated have been complete jerks so no positive reinforcement from anywhere!!
Her parents are using and abusing her. She sounds like a very kind and humble person who feels obligated to her parents just because they "produced" her. Emotionally that is not a good place for anyone to be
Maybe she just needs some encouragement that she is not responsible to take care of her parents unless they both are totally disabled, even then she is limited in her responsibilities.
I think she definitely needs a bit of outside counseling to help her understand that it is ok to persue her own happiness and way of life. She may be willing to seek some counseling if she is out of the parents house.
Can you talk her into to letting her stay with her until she can find a place of her own.
My dad used to pick on me all the time and I hated him for a long time. He also destroyed my self-etseem. I've never had counseling, but getting away from him (moving out) was the best cure for that situation, so I would definitely suggest that you move her out at least to start. If she can stay with you temporarily that might be good too. Wherever she goes, I think you need to be insistent that your parents do not know where she lives. No address exchange. Don't even tell them the city. Once she is on her own for a while, she may start to see herself differently and then work on things from there.
I am no expert, but they say life is a dam good teacher. So having said that, I too was mentaly and physically abused as a child. My self esteem was 0. I look back now on how girls would try everything to get my attention but I would always subconsciously think there must be another reason for talking to me because I am way to shy and dumb for you to like me in that way. I had it so bad a girl could write me a letter telling me really nice (hic) things they wanted to do but I would still somehow manage to think they were either kidding or it is a joke that they are playing.
My point, get her away from that SOB. I managed to have a great career but it took me a lot longer to get there had I confidence in myself. I can see the difference in myself when I live near my father. To this day my confidence is about a 3 of 10. I suppose its to late to try and fix it on my end so I pled with you get her far away from that SOB. I at times want to beat the crap out of my father and I know your sister has thought something down those lines. Please get her away from him. That is step one. Then find out what she lakes confidence in. Work on building it up.
I am no expert, but they say life is a dam good teacher. So having said that, I too was mentaly and physically abused as a child. My self esteem was 0. I look back now on how girls would try everything to get my attention but I would always subconsciously think there must be another reason for talking to me because I am way to shy and dumb for you to like me in that way. I had it so bad a girl could write me a letter telling me really nice (hic) things they wanted to do but I would still somehow manage to think they were either kidding or it is a joke that they are playing.
My point, get her away from that SOB. I managed to have a great career but it took me a lot longer to get there had I confidence in myself. I can see the difference in myself when I live near my father. To this day my confidence is about a 3 of 10. I suppose its to late to try and fix it on my end so I pled with you get her far away from that SOB. I at times want to beat the crap out of my father and I know your sister has thought something down those lines. Please get her away from him. That is step one. Then find out what she lakes confidence in. Work on building it up.
I unfortunately can relate very well to this. I used to never talk-out or approach anyone (potential friends or dates) because I figured if they didn't speak to me first, they didn't want anything to do with me. I constantly worried (and still do to a certain degree) "does this person REALLY like me or are just being nice? Do they think I'm weird/dumb/boring/too quiet ect?" It's awful. Over the past maybe four years I've forced myself to not think like that, but it's hard when all you've ever heard is that you're not good enough.
Oh and I also want to confront my father. I want to scream at him and tell him HE destroyed me and all the potential I had. I probably won't though. He is 70 years old and lives two states away, so I don't really see the point .
What a sad situation. She needs counseling and to get out of that situation ASAP. The parents are abusing her and probably are amused by it. So mean. She needs to get out of there and sis, she needs you more than ever. Perhaps you can help her get on her feet and out of there.
I would like to add that the parents are verbally and emotionally abusing her. Unfortunately, they are not likely to change. OP, are you close and can she move in with you to get out of that crazy environment?
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