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I was like this for a while in my 20s as well. Whenever I'd think about buying a car, big financial decision, even painting the wall of my condo I'd feel the need to speak to my parents first and get their opinion. It honestly didn't finally start to go away until I was married and realized two things. 1) My parents always seemed to agree with my decision anyway. and 2)the only people who really mattered in the decision were me and my wife. You'll get over it at some point.. I think its pretty standard to just want that reassurance you're doing the right thing.. Truth is your parents never really had a clue either.
If you want change without p*ssing them off, it's not going to happen.
Part of being an adult is understanding that sometimes when you stand up for yourself you're going to make other people angry and maybe they won't want to have anything to do with you anymore.
If you're not willing to rock the boat, you're stuck.
By age 24, I'd graduated college 200-some miles away from my parents, had a condo of my own, two cars, and a live-in girlfriend. My parents hadn't made any decisions about my life since I was 20... They were paying a student loan for me, and I was paying the others. Other than that, the last time they'd made a decision affecting my life was when I was 16 and they helped me buy a car.
What are you going to do when your parents are gone and you have no one to tell you what to do? I guess on the bright side (for you), you are not alone. There are lots of 20-something's still living at home, and not making any decisions about their lives either. You at least have a job. If you want out, you need to start saving your money and put it in an account of your own, and move out.
You're never going to have personal freedom until you have personal space, and right now, it sounds like you live in a commune where there is nothing personal and everything is shared.
You were probably raised with the expectation that you would be independent at an early age. The OP was not. Her situation is much more than a failure to launch. Her parents intend to keep her at home, under their supervision, until she marries. They may very well intend to pick her husband for her too.
Depends on your familys cultural background. Just because they moved to the US doesnt mean they quit observing what is customary. On the other hand your 24 yrs and should be working and have your own place without the gaze of your parents. Children should have respect for their parents but also need to be independent from them. Once people leave their homeland they have to leave some of their controls back there. Maybe its religious reasoning but then again we dont stone people outside the city gates any longer and at one time that was the law for many. Never will be here.
The money thing is really standing out to me. I had a bank account in high school, as soon as I had my own money to put in it. Learning how to budget, save, and spend is a vital skill to teach a child before they are an adult out on their own. Your parents have crippled your ability to take care of yourself. You need to slowly separate yourself from them. Even if you still live in their house, you should open your own bank account and put your checks there. Spend only your own money that you have earned.
I'm 24 years old, and I can barely ever make any decisions for myself.
My parents are immigrants and they've always had a very bad perception of what happens in 'the west'. Although I was born in the West, I've always struggled with feeling like I have two personalities. One personality is full of self-doubt, constantly seeking validation/approval from my parents/others, feeling indecisive, confused, unable to understand myself. The other part of me knows what I want, what I feel - but because I'm so shaped by cultural notions and what my parents think, I usually do what I am expected to more than what I want.
I remember in middle-school, I wasn't allowed to go to school trips after grade 5 because my dad thought this would lead to me going on multiple day trips with boys. When I entered high school, I had to come home for lunch everyday because I was told 'kids do bad things during lunch, and go to the mall.' When I was got into university, I couldn't choose the major of my choice because my family/relatives didn't think being a dietitian was something to be proud of. So I went on to do a major I hated but made my family 'proud.'
The first relationship I ever got into was with a great guy, but my parents didn't approve of him. Despite trying to persuade my parents, they didn't listen. I broke up with him and made the mistake of getting into a rebound relationship - which although my parents approved of - it failed miserably.
So most aspects of my life suck, and no matter what decision I have to make (even small as purchasing an item/clothes etc. I'm calling my parents to ask what they think) Before making an choice, I always find myself putting myself in their shoes, and making decisions based on what THEY think.
Any insight would be helpful?
I don't care what nationality you are:
1} START ASSERTING YOURSELF! ASSERT YOUR INDEPENDENCE! Your parents may just like and appreciate it, as they will then know you have grown up and that you can.
2] MOVE OUT! MOVE ON! MOVE UP!
3} LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR YOURSELF, NOT THEM! When YOU die, YOU will have to look back and be happy with your life, NOT THEM.
4} YOU CANNOT, I REPEAT, CANNOT live your life for someone else!
It took me until the age of 32 to assert my independence from my parents, Oh, IF only I had done it at age 24!!
That caused my father to appreciate me more! My mother asked me why it took so long!
So DO IT NOW! You WON'T REGRET iT!
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