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I don't consider myself a feminist so I've never analyzed the type of people that have told me to smile but I definitely notice that they are always men way older than me. I'm in my late twenties and generally these are men in late forties and up, I have never had a man my age or that looked young tell me to smile, ever. It's always older men that do it. I do have a b**** resting face so I know why some people prefer me to smile but no one has ever mentioned that I should smile besides older men.
I find it annoying more than I find it rude because usually if I'm not smiling it's for a reason and there's nothing more irritating than an old elder man telling me to smile when I'm not in the mood. There's always a mixture of wanting to be kind because they are older and usually elder and then a feeling of displeasure that they want me to force myself to smile just because they think I look mean.
I'm sure I have resting B---- face, but to me it's more like "resting pensive face" or "resting determined face." So I've been told to smile by strangers most of my life. I never considered it sexist, but just intrusive and annoying. I can't walk around with a smile on my face; that would just be weird. I smile when there is a reason to smile.
But in another thread here on C-D in the last couple years, someone pointed out how it's sexist. My initial reaction was that these are just some militant feminists slapping a sexist label on everything, but then I really thought about it, and now I actually agree.
All the strangers who have told me to "smile" were male. When I was younger, it was usually young males my own age, but sometimes older.
I got this MUCH more when I was younger and cuter, and I had my same facial expression back then that I do now.
I still get it sometimes now in my "old age" (46) but now it's mostly men in their 50s or 60s or so. (And also oddly, younger guys who are Latino. I have no idea why).
So it really does seem to be a way of hitting on women. But what another poster in another thread said that got me really thinking was the idea that we as women, mostly moderately attractive women, are supposed to be lovely scenery to men. (Some men, not all men of course.) We should be smiling all the time so that we're prettier when they look at us. That really got me because it rang true. Do fat/ugly women get told to smile all the time? I'm nothing great with regards to attractiveness, but for my age group, I'm maybe a 7. When I was in my 20s I probably scored higher on that imaginary 1-10 scale. Do the women who are 1's to 3's get told to smile a lot? I don't know, but I would guess not. Maybe the drop-dead 9's and 10's don't get it either, maybe it's just us maybe-above-average-but-not-intimidatingly-beautiful women who get it?
But after that other thread, I looked back and even though I am one of the last people to call "sexism," I was convinced. Just the idea that I'm supposed to smile to please some stranger ticks me off. Sure, as far as "street harassment culture" goes, it's milder than cat-calls and comments on our bodies, but I'm now convinced that it's part of the same thing.
This is an interesting point. I don't know if men only say it to certain women that are somewhat attractive or average and ignore the women not as attractive or that might be considered super attractive but I've had friends that others called ugly get told the same thing "you should smile" so I don't know if it's as much as a man only says it to certain women as it is that a man who sees a women walk by that looks like she's frowning(whether it's a resting face or she's unhappy) feels compelled to tell her to smile to look more approachable.
I've never interpreted it as a man hitting on me-because the only men that do it tend to be men far far older than me that look slightly unkept, and generally aren't afraid to be outspoken to anyone(the peddler on the street for instance). I never get the feeling that it's a come on. I almost feel like its grandfatherly but perhaps I'm strange. I've never had men my age tell me to smile. I have had them mention to me later once I get to know them that they felt intimidated to approach me because I looked like I was mean or b****. But they never outright told me to smile upon seeing me for the first time. In fact they only mention, if at all, if I eventually get to know them and find out they are interested and ask them why they wouldn't approach me. Usually though its older men that do it, not any guy in my age range, I'm 28 btw.
I'm generally good at knowing when a man is hitting on me whether it's overt or discreet and I don't usually feel like the old guys that tell me to smile or actually interested in me-except on maybe a few different occasions.
Then again it doesn't happen to me often. I can count on my hand how often it's happened since I was 16. And I'm 28. I don't know what I would rate myself since it's largely subjective but years ago when I was in high school and not even at my best look wise, a guy gave me an 8.5. Not sure what I am now but I know I dress better and carry myself with more confidence etc. Im not a 10 though and rarely see women that are if I'm being honest.
Still it really does not happen to me that often and when it does it's only really old homeless looking men poor men that do it.
Like you I'm not a feminist so I never considered it sexist but I definitely have not had a woman tell me that.
I don't think it's right, people should mind their own business, but it doesn't have to mean something rude. It could just be someone's tacky (and stupid) way of noticing some is sad and trying to get them to cheer up. I heard once that having a genuine laugh or smile while sad alleviates the sadness quite well.
So we've got 6 pages with women saying they find it offensive and an occasional man will pop up and say they do it and the "girls " appreciate it and they are cheering people up when they do it.
And some men wonder why women consider them to be insensitive.
I'm sure I have resting B---- face, but to me it's more like "resting pensive face" or "resting determined face." So I've been told to smile by strangers most of my life. I never considered it sexist, but just intrusive and annoying. I can't walk around with a smile on my face; that would just be weird. I smile when there is a reason to smile.
But in another thread here on C-D in the last couple years, someone pointed out how it's sexist. My initial reaction was that these are just some militant feminists slapping a sexist label on everything, but then I really thought about it, and now I actually agree.
All the strangers who have told me to "smile" were male. When I was younger, it was usually young males my own age, but sometimes older.
I got this MUCH more when I was younger and cuter, and I had my same facial expression back then that I do now.
I still get it sometimes now in my "old age" (46) but now it's mostly men in their 50s or 60s or so. (And also oddly, younger guys who are Latino. I have no idea why).
So it really does seem to be a way of hitting on women. But what another poster in another thread said that got me really thinking was the idea that we as women, mostly moderately attractive women, are supposed to be lovely scenery to men. (Some men, not all men of course.) We should be smiling all the time so that we're prettier when they look at us. That really got me because it rang true. Do fat/ugly women get told to smile all the time? I'm nothing great with regards to attractiveness, but for my age group, I'm maybe a 7. When I was in my 20s I probably scored higher on that imaginary 1-10 scale. Do the women who are 1's to 3's get told to smile a lot? I don't know, but I would guess not. Maybe the drop-dead 9's and 10's don't get it either, maybe it's just us maybe-above-average-but-not-intimidatingly-beautiful women who get it?
But after that other thread, I looked back and even though I am one of the last people to call "sexism," I was convinced. Just the idea that I'm supposed to smile to please some stranger ticks me off. Sure, as far as "street harassment culture" goes, it's milder than cat-calls and comments on our bodies, but I'm now convinced that it's part of the same thing.
I am a smiley person. I have been told to smile, and on the flip side people comment on my smile as well.
I consider this part of "street harassment" culture, because it is a way of invading your personal space. Just like a catcall. Our society informs us the women are meant to be decorations for male pleasure and amusement in the public space. Whether this means commenting on your looks, your outfit, your lack of a smile or anything else. Very few people stop men when they are out and about doing their daily business to give them directives on how to look, how to walk, their body parts or their facial expressions. Men have the "agency" to choose how to be in public. Women have to put up shields: resting b-face, headphones, baggy clothes, big jackets, friends, going home before dark..... The list goes on and on.
It would never occur to me to tell someone how to be out in public...why does it happen to me?
You should smile more, or something similar, do you think it's all right?
Absolutely not. It's usually men who do this to women, as though they have any right to comment on a woman's appearance or expression. It's proprietary, it's harassment, it's highly offensive, and when people attempt it with me, they soon regret it.
As a teen and 20 something in Texas I found it was always a man saying that and it was always a small minded, country bumpkin type. I do not get that anymore and I am happy. I have come back with all kinds of replies from silence, to saying "Why?" in and angry voice, I have given them hell. It gets very old. So are you female and it is mostly males who do this?
The only guy who still says things like this to me after all these years is one guy with serious Asperger's syndrome and a hillbilly who comes into my job. I think in some cultures it would be seen as sweet.
so many members of the " men haters club " on here ....
What is there about hating men here? I don't like others to try to dictate my appearance. It's not my fault that in this case, the strangers that tell me to smile are always men.
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I have no idea why).
it can be rather offensive
