This is getting ridiculous (wife, member, wedding, dynamics)
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This woman and her husband even if they come to terms with this later are in shock and upset.
You act like she has nothing going on but to get back to you.
For all you know she is having a melt down at home.
It's really a sign of the times when people make every little slight all about them, ignoring what the other person is going through.
How about thinking this woman just got some upsetting news, maybe she needs time to digest this. I see later in your thread she did get back to you, what you should have done is just think of a gift on your own, ask you son, or as someone suggested get a gift certificate.
Give the woman sometime to digest this, and have some empathy for other people.
If you read my original post in the link you'd see that I do have empathy and compassion for what this family must be going through, but it's hard to convey that emotion adequately in a written post. The compassion I feel for them is precisely why I came here to discuss it anonymously rather than bringing it up to them directly. However, the fact remains that daily life goes on and the parents can't curl up in a fetal position over this-- they still have to function on a daily basis, which includes communicating with people who are involved in common activities.
That's not realistic. Our sons are in the same small troop and the dad is one of the leaders. I'm trying to behave normally as if nothing is wrong. Its normal for me to occasionally email, call or text about scout or school related things.
Why?
I was a cub scout and I went to school. If it was something about cub scouts the den mother would call my mom. There wouldn't be a reason for my mother to contact the den mother. The same with school. Why do you need to contact your son's classmates parents? If I would bring home a kid from school or went home with another kid the only thing to know is when to pick them up.
It seems to me you are getting too involved. Maybe the other parents don't act the way you do and that is why they don't want your daughter around their son.
Forget the other family. They will contact you if it pertains to cub scouts. You have no reason to ever contact them. Organizations have leaders for a reason. When my parents were in charge of a group they never had other parents contacting them. They did the contacting.
I wrote about an issue my daughter was having with the mother of a boy who just came out to his family. I posted it in the wrong relationship forum, but if you want to read about it here's a link:
Basically, the boy came out to his parents and they've not taken it well to say the least. He told my daughter his mom said he could no longer be friends with her because the mom read a text from my daughter telling the boy she would always be his friend no matter what and there isn't anything his mom could do to change him if he truly is gay. I couldn't understand why my daughter was being demonized--after all it was her son that came out--and I was initially going to try to have a discussion with the mom about it, but I've decided against that because I just don't think it will end well. However, I still have to see and deal with the parents of this boy on a fairly regularly basis because our younger sons are in the same class and also cub scouts together.
So I have a new issue with the mother. She invited my younger son to a birthday party for her younger son (making sure to say no siblings on the invite when it's always been encouraged in the past). I emailed the mom earlier this week to ask for gift ideas for the younger son. I was going to call her, its what I'd normally do, but I figured she wouldn't pick up the phone to talk to me because of the other issue with her older son. I figured email was safer and more likely to get an answer. It was short and sweet, just asking about gift ideas. No response from her. So I texted her. I told her in the text we were going on a trip with the cub scouts this weekend and I'd have limited time to shop before her son's party this Sunday (the husband and younger son are also going on this trip but she typically doesn't attend these outings because they have other kids at home). Still no response. We were in a car pool together less than 6 months ago with her older son and my daughter and texted/emailed/called regularly about our schedules. Now, nothing. We still have to see each other regularly because of our younger sons, so not communicating with each other is just ridiculous. I'm sure she's avoiding me because she's afraid I'll bring something up about her older son, which I honestly plan to avoid if at all possible. We were acquaintances, but not close enough that I could start a discussion with her about her son's sexuality. I don't know....maybe I should just deal with the dad from now on. Thoughts? Advice? I just don't even know what to do with this behavior.
Forget you got the invitation and move on, let her contact you in the future if she wants.
sounds like a horrible person and mom. I would do everything you can to become a second mother to the son she is rejecting. You might save someone from suicide
Sorry, but I have no empathy for the mother in this case. She is damaging her own child and isolating him from the people who would support him.
Look, I'm straight, but I'm probably the butchest straight girl you'd ever want to meet. My highly narcissistic and conservative Republican parents thought that I might be gay. When I was an adolescent, they had a conversation with each other and both independently came to the conclusion that they would stand behind me and support me no matter who I loved. That was over 25 years ago, well before gay marriage was anything that the general public considered to be a possibility.
When you start to do things that up the odds of your own child's suicide, I really don't have a shred of compassion for you. He's gay, not diagnosed with cancer.
Let your son socialize with their younger son. Tell your daughter that her friend's mother is not a good or kind person, but that you must respect her rules.
It seems to me you are getting too involved. Maybe the other parents don't act the way you do and that is why they don't want your daughter around their son.
Forget the other family. They will contact you if it pertains to cub scouts. You have no reason to ever contact them. Organizations have leaders for a reason. When my parents were in charge of a group they never had other parents contacting them. They did the contacting.
My previous post said I have "occasional" email/phone/text contact with this family about scouts to clarify instructions, get details about events, or answer questions from the leaders (the dad is one of the leaders). The leaders can't always anticipate every issue and sometimes questions come up. That type of contact is maybe once or twice a month--that's hardly excessive. Not to mention, we see the dad at scout functions and/or meetings on an almost weekly basis. Scouts are very family oriented and spouses and siblings are encouraged to come to any and all scout functions, so many times we attend these functions as a family.
Not attending the party at this point is also not an option because we've already responded. It would only draw unwanted attention to why we've bowed out. So unless my son is sick (and I'm not gonna lie about it), I'm not going to pull my son out over this family's private issue that my son doesn't have any involvement in. Why would I affect my son's friendships with other boys in his group over my own intolerance of how this family is handling things? Wouldn't that be doing the same thing they're doing? I'm trying to rise above it. The scout troop is only 6 boys, and the school is a small close knit community. We have friends in common with this family. For me to obviously ignore or shun this family because I disagree with how they're dealing with a private issue would only shine a light on their issues (which I'm willing to bet they haven't revealed to anyone) and escalate the situation. And the blowback would be on my daughter and family.
Our son goes to a conservative Catholic private school. I have no idea how others at the school personally feel about homosexuality, because like everyone else, the families there have different view points about a variety of issues, including how they approach their religion. But I'm willIng to bet many of the parents in this conservative setting feel some level of discomfort about homosexuality. I don't know how each and every one of them would handle this situation, or that they necessarily would deal with a gay child the way this family is dealing with their son. I absolutely DO NOT agree with what they're doing to him, and I hope and pray it doesn't lead to his suicide. But I can't get in the middle of it. I'm trying to treat them compassionately because I know they're suffering too. I'm hoping that if I don't make a huge issue out of it that they might come to their own conclusions that we and our daughter are not the enemy. But I'm human and I get irritated just like anyone else when their homophobia spills over into how they deal with us in other areas simply because my daughter offered friendship and support to their son, who is probably going through his own personal hell on several levels.
I'm actually following the good advice of many here who said to stay out of it. I am. But I also still need to deal with this family occasionally because of our younger son, which complicates the issue. If I never had to deal with this family again I would have just quietly let the relationship go. I'm trying to carefully navigate a minefield for the next 2 years while my son is in the same scout troop, then we will move on and go our own ways.
My previous post said I have "occasional" email/phone/text contact with this family about scouts to clarify instructions, get details about events, or answer questions from the leaders (the dad is one of the leaders). The leaders can't always anticipate every issue and sometimes questions come up. That type of contact is maybe once or twice a month--that's hardly excessive. Not to mention, we see the dad at scout functions and/or meetings on an almost weekly basis. Scouts are very family oriented and spouses and siblings are encouraged to come to any and all scout functions, so many times we attend these functions as a family.
Not attending the party at this point is also not an option because we've already responded. It would only draw unwanted attention to why we've bowed out. So unless my son is sick (and I'm not gonna lie about it), I'm not going to pull my son out over this family's private issue that my son doesn't have any involvement in. Why would I affect my son's friendships with other boys in his group over my own intolerance of how this family is handling things? Wouldn't that be doing the same thing they're doing? I'm trying to rise above it. The scout troop is only 6 boys, and the school is a small close knit community. We have friends in common with this family. For me to obviously ignore or shun this family because I disagree with how they're dealing with a private issue would only shine a light on their issues (which I'm willing to bet they haven't revealed to anyone) and escalate the situation. And the blowback would be on my daughter and family.
Our son goes to a conservative Catholic private school. I have no idea how others at the school personally feel about homosexuality, because like everyone else, the families there have different view points about a variety of issues, including how they approach their religion. But I'm willIng to bet many of the parents in this conservative setting feel some level of discomfort about homosexuality. I don't know how each and every one of them would handle this situation, or that they necessarily would deal with a gay child the way this family is dealing with their son. I absolutely DO NOT agree with what they're doing to him, and I hope and pray it doesn't lead to his suicide. But I can't get in the middle of it. I'm trying to treat them compassionately because I know they're suffering too. I'm hoping that if I don't make a huge issue out of it that they might come to their own conclusions that we and our daughter are not the enemy. But I'm human and I get irritated just like anyone else when their homophobia spills over into how they deal with us in other areas simply because my daughter offered friendship and support to their son, who is probably going through his own personal hell on several levels.
I'm actually following the good advice of many here who said to stay out of it. I am. But I also still need to deal with this family occasionally because of our younger son, which complicates the issue. If I never had to deal with this family again I would have just quietly let the relationship go. I'm trying to carefully navigate a minefield for the next 2 years while my son is in the same scout troop, then we will move on and go our own ways.
It doesn't have to be a "minefield." The woman finally did get back to you. Crisis averted.
If your son doesn't even know what kind of birthday gift to get the other kid, they aren't THAT close.
The dad is ONE OF the scout leaders. Contact the other leader from now on. "Problem" solved.
It feels like you're still PO'd about the mom's rejection of your daughter, and while the mom's behavior is baffling and sad, it is HER problem. Minimizing contact with this family is NOT shunning them. It's what you do when you figure out that you actually don't have that much in common with the other people.
All that other stuff about small Catholic school and homophobia and shunning is just speculation and the roots of drama. Resist the urge to "go there," and focus on YOUR family.
I don't see why you're getting jumped on here. What I got from your post is you're just trying to handle this situation as normal as possible. I'm not sure you really needed a gift idea, as much as you wanted the mom to see you plan on treating her as you always have even though she banned your daughter. Many people couldn't do that, and I applaud you.
My heart breaks for her son and I wish he still had your wonderful daughters support. Maybe when things calm down, she'll be allowed back into his life.
I'm trying to carefully navigate a minefield for the next 2 years while my son is in the same scout troop.
The fact that the homophobic assclown is one of the boy scout leaders would be enough cause for me to pull my kid and go to another troop. I would not have my kids being led by such close-mindedness.
I am Catholic, but I have a brain and a heart, and I know how to treat people, gay or not.
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