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Guess you have never seen "Everybody Loves Raymond." These don't really sound like people who are likely to be reasonable "discuss it" types. Sometimes you have to be passive aggressive and deal with the symptoms to get along with family. Once you get verbal; this man could have a crying wife on his hands. His wife loves her parents or she would deal with it. Or maybe they have been like this her whole life and she thinks it is normal.
t.
I have seen a few episodes.
AND I have asian parents (who are generous with money, but sometimes have boundary issues).
Doesn't sound like op or his wife even tried. Or that even she thought it was normal bc she was surprised.
Oh, boo hoo, a crying wife?
Are we not all grownups here?
Seriously?
If it bothers him that much, he should say something.
If not, then don't complain.
Lol, are your in-laws Asian? I find this hilarious because I never actually thought about it, but now realize my mom also does this, but not to this extent. If I ask her to pick up something for me when she visits, I know I am expected to give her the money for it and if she asks me to bring her things, she gives me the money as well. If we go to Costco or Shoprite together, she also splits the receipt accordingly or I ask for a subtotal. I know of one other Asian family whose mom also does this.
But there is nothing passive aggressive about my family's arrangemetn, I think it's pretty implicit, whether right or wrong. Prices are told kinda on the spot or the next time we talk, not months later. I wonder if your wife is in the same situation but acts surprised when you bring it up to save face, since you made it clear that you think this is pretty messed up? My husband was also surprised at first as well, but now he just goes along with it. He does tell me he thinks my family is crazy though. For lots of other reasons as well
My In-Laws (well specifically my MIL) did stuff like that to us all the time. For our first anniversary, she invited us over for a lobster dinner. And yes, presented us with the bill for our lobsters during dessert. .
Lol, are your in-laws Asian? I find this hilarious because I never actually thought about it, but now realize my mom also does this, but not to this extent. If I ask her to pick up something for me when she visits, I know I am expected to give her the money for it and if she asks me to bring her things, she gives me the money as well. If we go to Costco or Shoprite together, she also splits the receipt accordingly or I ask for a subtotal. I know of one other Asian family whose mom also does this.
But there is nothing passive aggressive about my family's arrangemetn, I think it's pretty implicit, whether right or wrong. Prices are told kinda on the spot or the next time we talk, not months later. I wonder if your wife is in the same situation but acts surprised when you bring it up to save face, since you made it clear that you think this is pretty messed up? My husband was also surprised at first as well, but now he just goes along with it. He does tell me he thinks my family is crazy though. For lots of other reasons as well
I was thinking the exact opposite. I'm asian and in our culture the elders don't pay a dime. I pay for my parents and in-laws all the time. No complaints. Just how it is.
Parents live with us free and we are their caretakers. They are not expected to pay for things such as dining out or entertainment when we go out. It's a cultural thing.
I was thinking the exact opposite. I'm asian and in our culture the elders don't pay a dime. I pay for my parents and in-laws all the time. No complaints. Just how it is.
Parents live with us free and we are their caretakers. They are not expected to pay for things such as dining out or entertainment when we go out. It's a cultural thing.
If it's a cultural thing, shouldn't the wife explained that to the husband?
I didn't read the whole thread, but I think it's more eccentric than anything else. Since the amounts are small, I'd just chalk it up to crazy in-laws, but not get offended by it. Some people are just weird when it comes to money.
Crass and ridiculous and unfortunately I know others who endure similar behaviors from in laws as well. A friend of mine has an in law who does the same thing. One day she had her in law bring a huge tray of buffalo wings for a family party. The in law brought the wings, and everyone ate the wings, including the in law, but after the party she asked my friend to be paid back for the wings. My friend had, had it up to here the reimbursements and did not pay her back. A week later her in law asked to watch her kids, because she was watching all the grandkids at her home. So my friend brought her kids over and left. When she came to pick her kids up, her oldest daughter said, "mommy we're hungry. Grandma wouldn't feed us because she said you owed her money for food and that we had to wait to eat unless you can give her money to feed us". Meanwhile the in law fed all the other grandkids in front of my friends kids. My friend was livid.
Super ratchet behavior if you ask me. You need to have a serious talk with your wife and let her know how ridiculous this is.
OK, I have the same problem in my family. My mother charges for random little things. One time she asked me if I liked a calendar in a store. I said yes. Later she gifted that calendar to me for Christmas. About a month after Christmas she then handed me the receipt for the calendar looking for her $9.99 check since I just "had to have it" (apparently this was how she interprets me saying I like something) and she wasn't planning on buying it in the first place.
Very often do I receive gift wrapped birthday and Christmas presents only to be followed by the bill.
Of course I told her I thought that was a gift, I did not explicitly hint or beg her to buy it, etc, but she eventually wore me down to a zombie like state and I ended up paying her off just to make her stop harassing me about the calendar.
She charges to babysit. Irritating because she salivates over babysitting so she can make money, no mention about wanting to actually interact with the kids. I suck it up as I don't mind paying for babysitting, I'm not here to swindle childcare out of people. But what is annoying is how she can't turn "babysitting" off.
I invited her to go shopping with me and the kids once just for fun, and she counted that as a "babysitting day" and sent me a bill for $50.
When we visit her at her house for Fourth of July BBQ she also counts this as "babysitting" and wants money because she "saw the kids"
I asked her to go to an amusement park with the family, but let her know up front there will be NO payment for attending a family function. We "negotiated" this back and forth to the point where she did not want to go to the amusement park unless she got a paycheck for it, so she stayed home in a mad huff. My kids, husband and I had a good day at the amusement park, I guess granma just had to miss out.
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