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There was no plan because it wasn't an issue until a few days ago. She got upset because he bought some clothes she didn't approve of (American Eagle shirts) so she cut off access to his funds.
How did she "cut off access to his funds?"
She can't stop him from using a joint checking account that he's a co owner of. All she could do is take the money out of it, unless she went through the expense of getting a court order to freeze the account, which I'm pretty sure she hasn't done.
How did your brother find out that she had "cut off access to his funds?" You said he doesn't have online access and that he doesn't have a phone password set up either. Did he try to use a debit card or write a check that didn't go through or what?
My brother is 26 and, ...He's a good person. He attends school for his bachelors degree, is pretty much a homebody, doesn't party, doesn't date. ..... My parents refused to jumpstart the car. .... they don't want my brother driving in the snow. ....my brother has never once been in an accident or gotten tickets.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bigmover878
He wasn't sure because he just isn't vested in being a fully functioning independent adult, to be honest, God love him. Our parents have just worn him down over the years with their strict parenting(no friends unless they approve, no dating girls unless they approve, no travel unless they approve, be in the house by 10 p.m. regardless of your age.) He's soooooo compliant he just doesn't do anything.
I guess I'm in the middle because I live with them too! But, I'm not dependent on them, as much, as my brother is. I have my own bank account, car, job, income, etc.
He wouldn't have been in this position at all if he had just stayed in our hometown and finished his education there. But since my parents didn't "approve" of him staying behind and told him that the car they bought him was coming with them to New England, he just decided to come along.
So....don't take this the wrong way, but is your brother mentally "normal"? Is he capable of being a fully functioning adult? No self-respecting 26 year old I know (male OR female) would simply roll over and die because mummy and daddy say so. He doesn't go out past 10? or have friends? or date?
And you live there too....? May I ask WHY?!?
My suggestion...the 2 of you move out and find a shared living space. Be roommates. You can both be independent together.
I agree, it's all very weird lol!! But it's the reality for right now.
The only benefit he's "reaping" I guess would be a car, that's he doesn't own, which needs a jumpstart, which he can't get because my dad won't jumpstart it because he doesn't want my brother driving in the snow,. So no on the car, but I guess on the living rent-free part? Because it's certaintly not helping out with his education-of which he can't get to without a car.
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Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
I agree the whole situation is weird, and I agree that grown kids should not allow parents this much control over their lives.
Usually though, when more facts come to the forefront, it becomes apparent that the person being "controlled" is also reaping some sort of benefit from the current situation.
I don't understand. Does he even know how to get to the money? Does he have a debit card? Or was he just planning to ask mommy every time he needed some? Why can't he get the money? How is she stopping him?
Yes he is! I guess its hard for anyone to understand or relate if you didn't grow up with strict, religious parents. I guess I was more "rebellious". They wouldn't dare do that to me because I would raise so much hell. That's their rules but of course he deviates from them. I guess he doesn't stand up for himself.
I'm used to standing up for myself. I wear what I want, I go out when I want, I date whomever I choose, etc.
(I already explained why I was living with them.)
I'm not moving out because I need to save up for a reliable car, plus I have to pay down some bills, so that I won't have to move back, for a unreliable car or too many bills that take away from my one parent income.
But yes he is mentally normal. Very academically gifted. Just non-confrontational, immature, and very co-dependent. He doesn't like to face realities. But, I think this whole thing has been a BIG wake up call for him. He's going to move back to our hometown and finish up his Bachelors there.
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Originally Posted by PeachSalsa
So....don't take this the wrong way, but is your brother mentally "normal"? Is he capable of being a fully functioning adult? No self-respecting 26 year old I know (male OR female) would simply roll over and die because mummy and daddy say so. He doesn't go out past 10? or have friends? or date?
And you live there too....? May I ask WHY?!?
My suggestion...the 2 of you move out and find a shared living space. Be roommates. You can both be independent together.
I don't understand. Does he even know how to get to the money? Does he have a debit card? Or was he just planning to ask mommy every time he needed some? Why can't he get the money? How is she stopping him?
And if he can't figure all this out, how will he live on his own when he returns to your home town? Does he have a place to live there?
His bank is out of state-like 2,000 miles away? Lol. They have a joint account. When he tried to make a purchase, a few days ago they said his account was restricted.
So mom just got home. I overheard her talking on the phone. Apparently, she restricted his account. She called the bank and did it. because she didn't approve of his american eagle shirts he had recently bought. So it looks like she opened an account as the primary person and my brother has secondary access? I'm assuming? Either way, she controls the account. He doesn't.
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Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
I don't understand. Does he even know how to get to the money? Does he have a debit card? Or was he just planning to ask mommy every time he needed some? Why can't he get the money? How is she stopping him?
Mattie he'll have to figure it out if he wants to be a fully functioning adult. He'll come across some struggles, as we all did whenever we moved out. But he wants to do it. We have a ton of family there who can help out-if he absolutely needs it. He'll live on campus.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie
And if he can't figure all this out, how will he live on his own when he returns to your home town? Does he have a place to live there?
Mattie he'll have to figure it out if he wants to be a fully functioning adult. He'll come across some struggles, as we all did whenever we moved out. But he wants to do it. We have a ton of family there who can help out-if he absolutely needs it. He'll live on campus.
Forgot to mention He could get back on at his job, which he left in good standing. He won't have a car because they won't allow him to take his car.
His bank is out of state-like 2,000 miles away? Lol. They have a joint account. When he tried to make a purchase, a few days ago they said his account was restricted.
So mom just got home. I overheard her talking on the phone. Apparently, she restricted his account. She called the bank and did it. because she didn't approve of his american eagle shirts he had recently bought. So it looks like she opened an account as the primary person and my brother has secondary access? I'm assuming? Either way, she controls the account. He doesn't.
This is what we were all wondering. He tried to use a debit card and wasn't able to. I don't know what kind of account would allow an adult to do that to another adult. I have this kind of account with my minor children, but I don't know how that could possibly work with 2 adults on a joint account. Even on an account with my husband, one person is "primary." I still have full access to it.
In any case, he needs to get his own account and not let her anywhere near it.
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He could get back on at his job, which he left in good standing. He won't have a car because they won't allow him to take his car.
