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I tend to agree, I think men tend to have buddies more so than deep bonds. I think women tend to do that more. I'm just generalizing but that's my take. I've got a couple of buddies I've known 20 yrs now, and a few times after a few beers got a bit sappy, but in general it's more casual. I haven't seen them for a few yrs now, we tend to chitty chat a bit on facebook but that's about it these days. I think once people get married and have kids having friends takes more of a back seat. I know with just work and those demands I tend to want to just do stuff with my SO more so than hanging out with guys.
I'm sort of a lone wolf type anyways, so I tend to not have a lot of people around me, YMMV.
Interesting. I've had a different experience in some ways. I'm also gay, but I've generally found it very hard to maintain friendships with other gay guys. I'm not into the bar/club/substances scene, and it seems that so many gay guys are - at least in the places I've lived. I feel that sexual tension sometimes causes problems as well - I've had guys who I thought were my friends suddenly ditch me, I think because they were into me but I didn't feel the same way.
The vast majority of my close friends are and have pretty much always been hetero guys. Even after they got married and had kids, moved to different cities, we've still managed to stay in touch. I think part of it may paradoxically be that, because most straight guys in this culture aren't very emotionally accessible, my straight friends value me because they know they can talk to me about important things.
I was sort of wondering about this subject. I imagine it's a similar dynamic to straight men and women being friends. I think it can work but there has to not be any sexual attraction to each other.
I've got a close female friend and we're like brother and sister and there isn't any sexual tension at all, thinking about that sort of grosses me out a bit...LOL, she's more like a dude to me just cause I've known her for so long and some of the crude stuff she says really sealed the deal in not having sexual attraction...LOL... I mean that in a fun way, not being mean here.
I could hang out with gay guys as long as they respected the boundaries and I think most gay guys know when a dude is straight and they don't push boundaries, I think that is something that is just understood.
I've had gay acquaintances and it was fine, they were more friends of a friend but we've hung out and had fun, no problems.
95% of men live on what I call the 'Mommy plan'. They find a woman they can sleep with and then act like Bob the humanoid barnacle with her. 100% of their needs are met by her and they really don't care about other people.
Maybe they'll have buddies they can bond with over hobbies. A 'sports' buddy for when they want to talk sports, a 'cameras buddy' for when they want to talk about photography.
Most, and I mean MOST men have zero interest in being friends with men.
What the OP described is how females interact with each other. I have never had a male friend where I sat around with them and discussed my feelings. We have activities and we talk about stuff in our lives, but we are not "emotionally intimate" with one another. Frankly, that sounds gay to me (don't mean that in a negative way, simply an observation).
That's not to say that we wouldn't help each other, because we would. We just don't go about it the way women would.
I disagree that most men don't want any true friendships with other guys - that's not been my experience at all. I think that in the US many if not most guys don't really know how to get that, or don't put any effort into it for whatever reason. Whether it's the fear of seeming gay, as a previous poster suggested, or another cultural factor at work, I don't really know.
For what it's worth, I think this is a particularly American phenomenon. Even in countries that are quite culturally close to the US - Canada, the UK - I find that guys are much more involved in each other's lives. It's just very odd here.
Guys - what are your thoughts on male friendship? Do you have any guy friends that you're emotionally intimate with, whom you can share thoughts and problems with and just generally enjoy spending time with one on one? Or are your friendships more group/activity-based and more distant?
I've long thought that most American guys don't really have friends so much as buddies - they have guys they hang out and drink with, maybe play sports together or whatever, but the relationships aren't deep and tend to wither once people's circumstances change. I know very few American men who have truly close, deep friendships with other guys - which is a shame.
I've always had a hard time wrapping my head around this. I've been lucky in that I've been able to build close friendships over the years. I've known my best friend for around 25 years, and even though moved to the UK about 15 years ago and I'm in the US, we're still in regular touch and get together around once a year or so. I think the vast majority of guys (at least in the US) don't have relationships like that.
Anyway, what do people think?
I tend to agree which probably is why my closest friend is a woman.
Guys - what are your thoughts on male friendship? Do you have any guy friends that you're emotionally intimate with, whom you can share thoughts and problems with and just generally enjoy spending time with one on one? Or are your friendships more group/activity-based and more distant?
I've long thought that most American guys don't really have friends so much as buddies - they have guys they hang out and drink with, maybe play sports together or whatever, but the relationships aren't deep and tend to wither once people's circumstances change. I know very few American men who have truly close, deep friendships with other guys - which is a shame.
I've always had a hard time wrapping my head around this. I've been lucky in that I've been able to build close friendships over the years. I've known my best friend for around 25 years, and even though moved to the UK about 15 years ago and I'm in the US, we're still in regular touch and get together around once a year or so. I think the vast majority of guys (at least in the US) don't have relationships like that.
Anyway, what do people think?
Well, you can't intentionally seek out male friendship. It just sort of happens on its own. And it is fleeting; one day its there, next day, not so much.
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