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The OP made a commitment for about half an hour, it seems, and had taken time off from her job for her own installation. The friend had done the same but had a work conflict and would have had to reschedule anyway. The OP said she could help at the last minute, but then realized she couldn't. The OP has apologized, offered her friend the use of her internet over the weekend, and admits she was frazzled at the time. This is not the kind of thing that one needs to be angry about. It's a minor inconvenience that isn't all the OP's fault.
I guess I live by the mantra that if I commit to doing something, I do it. I stand by my word.
1) Yes, she let you stay with her, that was very nice. I do NOT agree with others here that it means you "owe" her, and are obligated to do something for her. That's not how true friendships work. It would be nice if you did something for her, but at no time should you ever feel that you OWE it to her...so to those posters, no. You are wrong. Don't do something for someone to keep a tally, do it for no other reason than you want to help, and then move on from it. No one OWES you anything for doing something nice.
2) Where you faulted, OP, is that you agreed to be at her house to wait for the installers. I understand the desire to get your internet up, but at the same time that a true friend does not expect anything from someone after doing them a favor, does not think that you OWE them something, a true friend sucks it up and deals with it when they make a promise to their friend. This has nothing to do with you owing her jack squat for staying at her place, especially if you were paying her, it has everything to do with keeping your commitment. You should have stuck with rescheduling - you're going to have to be there anyway for the TV.
Dumb thing to tarnish a friendship over. Not like there aren't wireless signals everywhere.
1) Yes, she let you stay with her, that was very nice. I do NOT agree with others here that it means you "owe" her, and are obligated to do something for her. That's not how true friendships work. It would be nice if you did something for her, but at no time should you ever feel that you OWE it to her...so to those posters, no. You are wrong. Don't do something for someone to keep a tally, do it for no other reason than you want to help, and then move on from it. No one OWES you anything for doing something nice.
2) Where you faulted, OP, is that you agreed to be at her house to wait for the installers. I understand the desire to get your internet up, but at the same time that a true friend does not expect anything from someone after doing them a favor, does not think that you OWE them something, a true friend sucks it up and deals with it when they make a promise to their friend. This has nothing to do with you owing her jack squat for staying at her place, especially if you were paying her, it has everything to do with keeping your commitment. You should have stuck with rescheduling - you're going to have to be there anyway for the TV.
Dumb thing to tarnish a friendship over. Not like there aren't wireless signals everywhere.
I agree with you, except the OP is at a new job so can't afford to help the friend and not take care of her own issue, the whole reason she asked for the time off.
Now - the two of you go get some coffee or dinner together. You pay. Kiss and make up. I understand your friend being put out with you but it's not worth too much drama.
Wow, some really judgmental comments here. OP, you were unable to help your friend out, which is too bad, but it doesn't sound like it was your fault. Just one of those things. I suggest you sit down with your friend over a coffee and talk things out. If she's not open to your efforts to repair the relationship, then there's not much more you can do.
Wow, some really judgmental comments here. OP, you were unable to help your friend out, which is too bad, but it doesn't sound like it was your fault. Just one of those things. I suggest you sit down with your friend over a coffee and talk things out. If she's not open to your efforts to repair the relationship, then there's not much more you can do.
Not much more that can be done, and not much of a loss, either!
A very GREAT friend is currently ticked off at me. For some history, I've lived with my friend for the last 4 months. Just moved to the area for a new job, and she very graciously allowed me to live with her while I learned the area (major city), found a place to live, and saved money (I did pay her each month).
In the last few days, I've moved into my new place. The process took a lot longer than expected, and my boss has been extremely flexible with my work schedule/days off (but I wouldn't want to push it any further than I have...it is still a relatively new job).
Long story short, the movers moved all of my furniture in, except my TV (it got accidentally left behind at their warehouse). I'd taken another day after the movers left, off of work to allow for all of the installers (cable guy)...obviously without a TV, that plan was shot. I explained this to my friend.
Coincidentally (and unbeknownst to me), my friend was also in the middle of changing cable companies, and was scheduled to have her cable installed on the same day. She was going to have to cancel her appointment due to an unplanned work priority..but when she found out that I wouldn't have the installers coming to my place after all, she asked if I could stay at her place, while her installers came . I said yes.
At that point (early morning), I hadn't even called my installers to let them know that I needed to reschedule..they weren't open yet. As soon as they opened, I called, explained the situation, and they let me know that they could at least come and install my internet. I didn't know when I would be able to be off work again, so I agreed to let them just come and install internet.
I immediately let my friend know that the installers would be coming to my place after all (within 30 minutes of originally saying yes), but she was furious, and pretty much has been since.
I regret agreeing to stay at her place before I'd spoken to the cable company, but I'd purposely taken time off of work to have installers at my place, and would have risked going weeks without internet (not being able to work in the evenings), if I didn't allow them to come then. She asked me an hour before her appointment.
She yelled saying I "should think before speaking", and that she'd cancelled her current services and would be without wifi over the weekend, and now she has to find the time to schedule a new appointment. I've apologized multiple times for originally saying yes, let her know that she could come over to use my internet (we don't live far from each other) -- she declined saying she would go to Starbucks.
I don't know...was I in the wrong? I feel like her reaction is off. We do favors for each other all the time. I've never said no to a request before...except for now --- and this is the reaction.
Yes, you were in the wrong.
I understand a person gets confused making decisions on the spot and confusing priorities and schedules. But your installer would have to come back out, anyway. So yes, you should have stuck with the plan to get your friend's internet installed over yours, since you had told her you would. She was then unable to make other plans, leaving her w/o internet.
So, yes. You were in the wrong. Buy her a gift and keep calling her until she forgives you. Admit you screwed up, remind her that she's probably screwed up a time or two, and do your mea culpas. You owe her, even if you did pay rent.
She didn't originally make the appointment expecting you would handle it, and she would have had to cancel and reschedule anyway because of the unexpected work conflict. It was a last minute favour that didn't end up working out. I don't think living there for 4 months had anything to do with the issue at hand. She was relieved, at the last minute that she wouldn't have to cancel, and then upset because you couldn't help after all. You apologized and offered her the use of your wi-fi. Not much else you can do.
Yeah, she seriously overreacted. Sometimes things just don't work out! How was rescheduling really that awful for her anyway?
In her shoes, I would definitely not have been upset at all.
moving is an extremely stressful time and you had a lot going on. What did she have going on?
I suppose it is possible there were other gripes she had as a result of you staying with her for 4 months, and if she let them fester this may have been the last straw kinda thing for her. But that would be her fault for not speaking up if she had problems/concerns.
IMO you are not a crappy friend. Stuff happens, you committed for 30 min and then realized you couldn't do it. You apologized, offered use of your internet, she was planning to cancel anyway. Sheesh, big overreaction on her part. She will either get over it or die mad.
OP here again. Was surprised to see so many still weighing on this. Thanks to everyone for their feedback.
Update for those of you interested in my life drama - I did talk to my friend shortly after my post. She basically verbalized what I thought she may be feeling, and said that "I taught her a lesson"...that she goes above and beyond for others, and always put others first...and that from now on she will only put herself first. Said she wouldn't be getting over it soon. I apologized, but she wasn't really interested in it (she has yet to accept it).
I guess I was (and still am) a little surprised at the response. We've known each other for years, and even lived together for months. Those things combined give you a pretty clear view of someone's character, and if they have the best intentions for you - which I do (and thought that she knew), but clearly if this is enough to shake the core of a friendship, then something is off. To me, this scenario should play out like "Hey, I really wish she would have handled this differently, and I'm a little frustrated, but it doesn't overshadow the fact that she was there for me during this time, or supported me during that time, or our years of a great friendship."
We hung out yesterday (my initiation). Her attitude was cool to lukewarm overall. Definitely not her usual self.
Not really sure where it goes from here. Thanks again for your input!
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