Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Or, via the phone - a contradiction in their tone vs what they are saying
Or a slight hesitation where the answer should be immediate
Its actually EASIER for me to do it over the phone because I don't get distracted by things like hand waving and tears and small children standing mutely by.
Clinical training for counselors and psychologists includes a lot of learning how to pick up on queues and look for these mismatches, working with clients under supervision and practicing with classmates. One exercise we had in grad school was pairing off with a fellow student and just looking at each other and building empathy without any words being spoken. Emotion that doesn't match the content of the words being spoken, for example, is something you want to pay attention to since it can be a sign of a mental disorder (inappropriate affect). This doesn't mean "judging" clients based on a single observation, but using nonverbal cues as therapeutic material.
Therapists who have taken training in working with clients online or over the phone are taught to work with them in the absence of the body cues you'd see in a face to face session. Interestingly, some studies have shown that a therapeutic relationship may actually be built faster online than face to face because of the lack of distractions, as you mention.
You have no way of knowing what the other persons gut feeling is...
There is such a thing as ascribing other people feelings you cant possibly know about. Its called Paranoia.
I was responding to the person who pointed out - quite correctly - that people view avoidance of eye contact as a sign of dishonesty. I merely said that this is not necessarily true, and I cited myself as an example.
Vibes are like processing hundreds of pieces of information per second about person you are interacting with. I don't do it consciously my brain does it on its own but I am aware of it. Best part is they are transmitting this information to me involuntarily.
The shape and movement of their eyes, body posturing, extremity movements, involuntary facial expressions lasting milliseconds, their dressing habits, hygiene, choice and shape of the garments, their smells, reactions to my body posturing or my lack of reactions, my extreme attention and focus on them or their reaction to my calmness (if they respond in calmness it is very good sign). Etc, etc I could go on forever.
In about >99% of instances my perceptions are correct. If you are good with vibes you get called a "good judge of character". I find this extremely useful in business dealings when you need to establish trust baseline quickly.
That <1% though...they are the very good at what they do.
But how do people distinguish bad vibes from outright paranoia?
Experience. However, a little paranoia can just be the survivor instinct kicking in. For example, you're walking down the street and you feel something a little off-key (not necessarily a bad vibe) about the person walking toward you. You know you could be wrong but you clutch your purse a little tighter anyway. Why take chances?
You have to be careful about Vibes, and learn to distinguish them from your own projections. Don't be fooled by the infatuation period, which you should google and read about, also. Take time to get to know people, and if a relationship forms and grows, fine. If not, it wasn't meant to be. You realize these things as you get older.
Some people are more intuitive then others. I'm one that has that good intuition. I had a new friend for awhile and I told him that sometimes I'm frightened of him. He got upset and said that he had been nothing but nice to me of which I agreed, but yet, it was still there.
My instincts were right as I saw his Mr. Hyde side a few months later, and it wasn't pretty It's the same intuition that knew that I was going to marry John on our first date. That worked out terrific Vibes are nothing more the subtle signals sent out by all of us. Some of us are just better readers.
Ok. Another way to look at it. Street Smart=vibes. Being aware of your surroundings, the people in your vicinity.
Everyone is NOT your friend. Most people around you, and dependent on where you are standing......walking...sitting...riding public transportation..most people are just going about their business. It is the ones that make you nervous, etc...that your gut instinct is telling you about. It can by anything....or something very subtle.
I grew up in a major metropolitan area, and was walking to and from school, un-accompanied by any adults, by 1st grade. With my sister and other school mates, of course, but not with adults.
I went on to go solo by age 9.
Maybe you need to learn more about vibes OP..and practice being more aware out in public situations.
Paying attention to the people around you, is about keeping yourself safe.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Vibes are nothing more the subtle signals sent out by all of us. Some of us are just better readers.
