Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I did read that article you gave me about self compassion and I do think about it. I just think that at 25 most people are in relationships or close to them I am not even close to one other than some dates with some guys from some dating apps, that may not even work out. This girl in my program is MARRIED she is pregnant and due any day.. she is also 25... I mean realistically my life isn't together at all in that sense.
Do you think a lot of people feel like that? I mean realistically have you ever met people who wish they didn't get married or start a family (assuming they aren't in an abusive relationship)? Maybe there are people like that? I don't know, I could end up being one of those people I assume, or I could just be a happy wife and mom.
I've heard some folks express their general dissatisfaction at being "stuck" as wives and mothers, and wishing they had been able or had opportunities to have exciting careers, travel, whatever it was their vision on the other side of the fence might be. My own mother, for instance, who blamed us kids for her lot in life, 'nuff said about that. Thank goodness, I haven't heard too many people wish they never had had kids or gotten married, but there are some out there.
The thing is, regardless of the path you take, there tends to be a routine, sameness to life, a sort of "is that all there is?" property to it. Some folks tend to concentrate on this and will tend to be dissatisfied with their life no matter what they are doing. They may be happy at looking forward to changes or new excitements, but once they settle in with those changes they find the "warts" ( you know, the things that make any life not absolutely perfect) become dissatisfied, and they start looking for the next change, or some new, exciting adventure. They won't be happy no matter what they are doing.
What you make of your life truly depends on your perspective, your own determination to find the happiness and joy in your surroundings, appreciation of the little things, knowledge and appreciation of the gifts and opportunities you have been blessed with, and your own resolve to make your life and what you are doing the best it can be. Truly, you make your own happiness, it's within you, and if you can do this, you'll be successful at whatever you do, whether that is a master's level social worker, or a wife and mother. I hope that makes sense.
I'm of the opinion, also, that if you really want to be a wife and mother, it will happen, maybe not immediately, but sooner or later. You'll do what you have to to find a compatible mate, and when you do, and you both make that commitment to the relationship and children, the synergy of your relationship makes you both stronger and better people. At least that has been my experience, and I've been married for 36 years. But don't rush it, or jump into a harmful relationship because you want one so badly, and be careful that your potential spouse wants the same things you do.
Also, there is no reason to be jealous of others who have what you aspire to, their happiness ( or not, sometimes), takes nothing away from your gifts, your paths and what makes you, you. Jealousy does nothing except to eat away at you and make you unhappy. Look at where you are, what you have accomplished and be joyful that you have a great future ahead of you. That's the secret, if there is one, at being happy no matter what your lot in life may be.
I did read that article you gave me about self compassion and I do think about it. I just think that at 25 most people are in relationships or close to them I am not even close to one other than some dates with some guys from some dating apps, that may not even work out. This girl in my program is MARRIED she is pregnant and due any day.. she is also 25... I mean realistically my life isn't together at all in that sense.
... in that sense.
But in another sense, your life is VERY together. I mean, we have another poster very close to your age who works a fast-food job and lives in a wretched house with an abusive mother who sells drugs, a sister on welfare and HER kids AND her monstrous BF.
So all in all, your life is going OK. Despite your medical diagnosis, it sounds like you do VERY well.
But ... you have some serious emotional issues that HAVE to be dealt with before you latch onto someone.
And seriously ... comparison is the thief of joy. I SWEAR. Don't look around at what others are doing. Set a goal to get yourself emotionally well, and make your OWN timeline.
I just like who I like. I feel like if I move to a southern state though it'll be more opportunity and people get married fast in the South
This is the 2nd time in two weeks I've heard somebody say the same thing. The first was a friend of mine from NJ, lamenting that her 29 yr old daughter and 31 yr old daughter seemed no closer to marrying their boyfriends than they were a year ago. It simply isn't true.
Some guys in the south marry young. But not the college educated ones. I have three sons. Years ago, they likely would have all been married by now. Only the eldest is, and he's 30. Among all their many, many friends, as well as the offspring of my own friends, there have been exactly 2 weddings since graduation.
I may be wrong, but I am assuming you want a man with at least a college degree, based on your own education. You are no likelier to find one to rush into marriage in the south than where you are now.
But in another sense, your life is VERY together. I mean, we have another poster very close to your age who works a fast-food job and lives in a wretched house with an abusive mother who sells drugs, a sister on welfare and HER kids AND her monstrous BF.
So all in all, your life is going OK. Despite your medical diagnosis, it sounds like you do VERY well.
But ... you have some serious emotional issues that HAVE to be dealt with before you latch onto someone.
And seriously ... comparison is the thief of joy. I SWEAR. Don't look around at what others are doing. Set a goal to get yourself emotionally well, and make your OWN timeline.
How do I get to a point where I feel good about what I am doing?
I mean it is complicated because I feel good sometimes, I am accomplishing a lot and it does feel good. I can't explain it so never mind
Do you really think it'll be tons of white guys will wanna date a black girl in the south?
I live in Tennessee, and black women with white guys appears rare. Though you'll see a good bit of white women with black men. That's usually all I see far as Black x White goes.
But, maybe others will see more versatility. You may need to go to some of the other forums, and ask about the dating scene, if you have specific racial interest. Avoid TN.
Statistically speaking, of all the group, Black women are least likely to date outside their race. I've seen more BW/WM in TN than in the PNW (which of course has a small amount of Black people).
With the OP, the personal issues are going to outweigh the issues of the location.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12
How do I get to a point where I feel good about what I am doing?
I mean it is complicated because I feel good sometimes, I am accomplishing a lot and it does feel good. I can't explain it so never mind
For starters, let go of the fantasy and weird notions that you have about marriage and children. That's your biggest stumbling block. All your "realistically" comments in this thread alone have been way off the mark and quite frankly are very unhealthy.
How do I get to a point where I feel good about what I am doing?
I mean it is complicated because I feel good sometimes, I am accomplishing a lot and it does feel good. I can't explain it so never mind
When you quit comparing your life to others. Instead of being thankful that you're able to pursue getting an advanced degree you go around doing "poor me".
I find the fact that you can't be happy for other people very disturbing. Your attitude and treatment of your pregnant married classmate is scary. Stay away from the stairs if she is around.
Have you ever considered that maybe she has "issues" as well? Maybe her mother has Stage 4 breast cancer, or some other family member is seriously ill? Unlike you not everyone walks around doing "woe is me" all the time, she could very well have some serious family stuff going on just doesn't broadcast it? Would you feel better if you knew one of her parents were seriously ill?
Of course you haven't even thought about what issues she may be facing or other people face, because you're so jealous of her all you see is a happy pregnant woman and it kills you. That is screwed up big time.
How do I get to a point where I feel good about what I am doing?
I mean it is complicated because I feel good sometimes, I am accomplishing a lot and it does feel good. I can't explain it so never mind
Gabi,
Patience is a virtue you need to work on. Things come at the right time when we are ready for them. Right now, you are clearly not ready. Work on you so you can be the best version of yourself possible. Be a good person, volunteer somewhere - help others...see the world as greater than just you. When you open your eyes to the bigger picture, you will see things differently and that unhealthy need to have a husband and baby right now will minimize.
You're so young - only 25. Don't rush your life. Enjoy every ounce of time you have before you settle down. Because once your settle down...once life "gets real" for you, your opportunities will change. You might not be able to travel as much or relocate for a job as easily. You may wake up one day and realize you married the wrong person because you were so hellbent on getting married, you failed to see what you were marrying in the first place.
Getting married and having children doesn't solve all your problems or make you a whole person. Only you can do that and you should do that long before you become a twosome or more.
Like a said before, you absolutely can't be a good wife...a good partner...a good mother until you are a whole person.
Get mentally healthy and put off dating for at least a year. Find out who Gabi really is and what Gabi really likes to do and don't be afraid to do it. Wanted to try parasailing? Do it! Always dreamed of traveling to India? Go! You may never get these chances again so live your life to the fullest now.
I posted about it in the NC forum because I am looking at jobs there (and SC and VA) and most people said NC was common to see it especially in military families (it is my dream to marry a military man) so idk I mean I just don't like black men that much. I mean I like them but I am not physically attracted to them as much.
WHY? What is so special about a military guy? Heck, I'm married to one and I'm still not sure why you want one so bad. The military is a pain the behind when it comes to family.
I don't read them to her and ok yes it sounds bad looking at it. I did care about him, I admit I can see myself married to any guy who talks to me which isn't good but I am 25 and I should be in a better point in my life than I am.
No, you shouldn't. You are exactly where you should be. Finishing school and planning a career. Once you get settled in a job, in a new city, that's the time to meet someone.
.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
