Trouble at home.
. Long story short, my husband is miserable at his job, and he's taking it out on me and the baby. I am mentally exhausted, and I don't even know what to tell him anymore. I don't believe in giving up but I feel like have to send some sort of wake-up call to him. I need to pour my little heart out here.
It's quite silly to me; we are surviving, the lights are on, food is in the fridge, monthly bills are paid...we are much better off than we could have been. I see this as a minor set-back; I believe in my husband but I guess he doesn't believe in himself. On to specifics:
My husband got fired from his job last summer. He had it about a year, he was paid well as a manager. He had been working for the company several years prior in entry-level and supervisory positions and won many awards for his efforts, including "employee of the year!" Management was hard work but he got through it, and even seemed to like it. He was fired for stupid mistakes on his part--honestly I think he deserved a second chance but of course that's up to his bosses. I won't deny he was wrong but everyone makes mistakes.
During this summer I was expecting our first child. Finally we were getting a child we've always wanted, and especially what my husband wanted, a boy!
. I was working a job for a store I didn't really like, but I wound up staying for six years.
I took the job in the first place because back then we were both unemployed, and it was not an option to wait around for a better job. I stayed because I was afraid if I left we would be in trouble again. When I found out I was expecting my husband and I decided that I would be a stay-at-home mother. This is what I've always wanted because my own mother decided to be a workaholic and I felt left in the dust. His mother stayed at home which in his culture is the rule not the exception like it is here.
Well my husband was fired just days before our son was born. So then we had no income and no insurance. Thank God we had a healthy baby boy with only a couple minor issues that were solved immediately. He is just...awesome. Of course I think my baby is the cutest and the smartest.
About two weeks after our son was born my husband found a new job in the same industry, but he was doing the same amount of work for much less pay. He got the job through a friend who used to work with him at the previous place. He had negative feelings about the new place from the beginning, but I suppose he was just grateful to find a job so quickly. About three weeks after my son was born I started a new job at a fast-food restaurant. I felt like I "had to do something" in the face of my husband's struggles though it made a lot more sense to stay home with our boy and let my body recover.
Now about six months later not much has changed in our situation. My husband still has the same job, and he still hates it. I work nights; previously four nights a week, now cut down to two, but it's still very hard for me to keep changing between night and day. I still don't sleep at night even though I try because our son sleeps very well at night now, so that means I get only bits and pieces of sleep. The medical bills from delivery and subsequent doctors' visits are almost all paid now, thanks to my small income and money my parents gave (we did not ask, but they wanted to help).
I told my husband that once those medical bills are paid, I want to quit my job and focus on our son like we planned to do in the first place. He had an attitude like "do whatever
<snip> you want." I could tell he was upset but wouldn't admit it. So I asked him what was the matter and he was very angry and told me how I contribute "nothing" and all I think about is myself. He says I whine about being tired all the time and have no right because he's earning all the money. I earn little and almost all of that has gone to medical bills and maybe gas a couple of times, and I have never asked my husband to contribute a cent to those bills (some of which were really high due to lack of insurance). In addition I have taken huge amounts of money out of savings to cover what his income couldn't at times.
Suddenly he has forgotten everything from the past. He came to this country with a small suitcase of clothes. I helped him get citizenship, supported him the first couple of years when he could not find a job, took him to classes to learn English, found him his first job in the company where he did so well (even filled out the application), and more. And now had his baby. I don't think I deserve a trophy or anything for what I've done, I did it because I loved him and decided to marry him; I believe we are a team and we should help one another. Now he's shouting at me, "I paid for THIS!" and "I paid for THAT!" All that matters to him is the present, not the past or future.
Our son loves his daddy, daddy's his favorite person. I have offered my husband to stay home and I will work. He says he can't stay home and "do nothing," and that he doubts I can find a good enough job anyway. Plus it's my fault we had to move to a nice home (not a problem two years ago, and we both signed the papers!) when we could have remained in our cheap old apartment in a bad neighborhood. He has called me a "b----" and I never thought he would do that; in fact that's why I fell in love with him because of how I grew up. Worse, he curses and screams at our baby when he cries a little longer than usual. My husband is like "black and white" when he's with our son, either plays with him and makes him laugh, or shouts at him and scares him. I get scared of his anger too; I have seen him angry before but now it is like he's possessed when he's angry. I don't know what happened.
So why am I still here? I have packed a bag and left a couple of times, but he tells me he's sorry and that it will be different. And he does get a little better. But what I find out is that though his language changes, his anger and/or resentment hasn't. He doesn't do anything to change his job situation. He has gotten calls from other jobs offering more money or at least less stress and responsibilities, but he doesn't call them back. There are many jobs in his industry all over our area, but he won't apply (spring is a big deal in his industry due to the Kentucky Derby coming up). Like I said, our monthly bills are paid, but we're paycheck-to-paycheck so he's acting like we're completely broke. He flips out if I even suggest another job I've found; "you think it's so easy! You don't know nothing!" Kind of a preview for teenage years? So I usually back away. I have been trying to convince him that this is just a bump in the road, that he'll find something better, but like I said, he only sees the present. I am getting tired of being his personal cheerleader. A couple nights ago we had another huge blow-out and he laughed at me while I cried and reminded him of what I have done for him (once again he was saying I did nothing). I said "yeah keep laughing you son-of-a-b----" and slammed the door in his face. I have NEVER, ever called anyone that and that has shown me how far this is going.
I try to understand that he has pressures from many sides now. Now my husband is the only breadwinner for the first time. He's a father for the first time. He was humiliated by losing his last job. His work is mentally and physically demanding. His family in the old country expects money too (though he wouldn't send any when he was making more). I understand that this is not the time to give up.
Sorry for the book. The thing is now I'm going to visit my family in another state for Easter. I'm taking our son and my husband is staying behind because of work. My mother has been begging us to move in with her for a long time. I wonder if I should take up her offer.
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