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My wife and I are retired, in our late 60's. We saved our money over the years and invested and budgeted to make retirement work out for us. We have a small house in Hawaii but live very modestly in order to make ends meet.
My wife's sister is close to 70 and has zilch in savings and nothing really to her name. Rents the place she lives in. She has no other family other than my wife and me but lots of friends. She still works because social security will not cover her expenses at all.
What I see coming is that at some point my wife's sister will not be able to work and will need assistance from us. It will be hard financially but if we cut out some things we can do it.
I feel like this is what families are supposed to do so we will do it, but I am also a bit miffed about this. My wife's sister has nothing because she lived a care-free, hippy sort of life for many many years. She did not want to settle down and get a career when she was young so now she is paying for it. So I guess we will have to rescue her. It is a little unfair to us but we cannot allow her to end up homeless.
My wife is close to her sister. Part of the reason we moved to Hawaii is for my wife to be near her sister. My wife and I have talked a bit about this. It makes her uncomfortable which I understand.
I am wondering if anyone else has gone through this and if so, what you did to make it work? Any suggestions?
I am assuming that your SIL does not have any children?
Does she have any nieces and nephews?
Perhaps some of her nieces and nephews will assist in caring for her.
I also have known single woman who were cared for through many years of cancer or old age by loving friends. Ironically, in at least three cases as soon as the person died the extended family stepped in to collect whatever money or possessions were still left while they refused to care for the person while they were alive.
In one case, friends and former co-workers cared for someone day and night for three years. But when she died, the hospital notified the biological relatives in another state & her loyal friends were not even invited to the funeral.
Good luck to you.
BTW, I have know several people who worked either full time or half time until they were 80, as they did not have enough money to retire, or because they enjoy working. I have also known people who survived on a very, very small amount of money when they were older. So do not assume that you will need to "jump in and help her".
I don't have any specific suggestions, but If you visit the retirement forum, you will find that numerous people are retired on very little.
She can retire and continue to work, as well, if she doesn't earn over $10,000 per year until she is aged 70, I believe. So she does have some recourse.
If you begin with partial support, you will be saddled with this until she passes. Be sure you want to take this on.
No one is obligated to support any other family member unless they choose to be obligated no matter what society deems
is *the right thing that you are supposed to do*. Society in general does not have to sacrifice what they worked years to save just to lose it to an irresponsible family member who chose not to *do the right thing you are supposed to do* and prepare for retirement.
I feel like this is what families are supposed to do so we will do it, but I am also a bit miffed about this. My wife's sister has nothing because she lived a care-free, hippy sort of life for many many years. She did not want to settle down and get a career when she was young so now she is paying for it. So I guess we will have to rescue her. It is a little unfair to us but we cannot allow her to end up homeless.
I understand your conflict. I hope you also realize that it is not fair to judge your SIL for not living up to YOUR expectations.
Support her (or don't) because you care about her as a person or because you want to honor her as your wife's sister and you would want her to do the same for you.
But don't choose not to do it because she didn't live "the right way," according to you, because she didn't fulfill your random expectation of an upstanding citizen.
Maybe it would be productive for your wife to have a conversation with her about retirement costs and help her set up SOME kind of savings plan. Maybe not.
And remember that this is a problem that doesn't actually exist yet.
Nope, SIL only has us for family. And her possessions are minimal. Her life was not about gathering things, it was about friendships and enjoying the moment. She lived an interesting life, knows some famous people on first name basis, but has nothing.
But don't choose not to do it because she didn't live "the right way," according to you, because she didn't fulfill your random expectation of an upstanding citizen.
I don't care how anyone lives his/her life as long as it does not impact me. In this case, it is, or will impact me. There is no choice here to make, we will do what any family would do. I am more wondering how to not let it become a festering issue within the family, between the 3 of us.
Theres a lot of elderly people living on meager means. Not too many go living under a bridge. She can work, she can take her social security. If it is a small amount, there is senior housing that she can live in. Im not sure why you are making her bad life long decisions yours.
You can support her by helping her find living accomodations she can afford, senior services can be of great help.
Its not like she's your wifes mother, and raised kids, being a homemaker, with no earnings or no choice. She made her choices. Her choices. There have been lots of threads with people living on less than $1000 a month. Its not a great life, but it can be done.
Sometimes people just have to be responsible for their decisions. What would she do if you and your wife werent there?
I don't care how anyone lives his/her life as long as it does not impact me. In this case, it is, or will impact me. There is no choice here to make, we will do what any family would do. I am more wondering how to not let it become a festering issue within the family, between the 3 of us.
I think the only thing you can do is make sure she's aware she has to pull her weight. When you sit down and talk about it (and you should), make it clear that you're not supporting her carefree life and she's expected to do xyz on her end.
I've been in a similar situation and my mistake was not asking more questions. I ended up resentful because I assumed too much. We worked it out, but it was bumpy.
Get her on a waiting list for senior income based housing, now. Hopefully there are some options in HI? That type of housing is limited to a percentage of the senior's income, but there can be a wait to get an open unit.
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