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I decided to contact my father for the first time a week ago. He's nearing 80 and I wanted to ask him if there wasn't anything he wanted to say to me. I called his company and convinced his secretary to put me through. When he answered, I told him my name and I knew he knew who I was. He said I was not his son but if I insisted on that, he could give me a nice sum of money to keep my mouth shut. To think that he could buy me with his money disgusted me.
At this stage of the game was there some sort of moral highground for *not* accepting a sum of money?
Think of the good it could do for your child. This isn't the movies man.
My mother told me the truth since my early years and I always knew who he was. The only thing that bothered and still bothers me is not having a father's name in my official documents and having to explain it everytime I need to fill on a file or something like that. People will say "oh you forgot your father's name".
Sorry if this is more venting off steam than a question but I needed to write this.
First of all, this is probably a bull*hit post. If it is real, what is your point? I've read threads on this website about a "real man" is judged on his ability to change his kid's diapers. No, a real man is understanding that life isn't always fair and this isn't directed at both you and your father, it's to everyone. it doesn't always turn out the way how perfect the media portrays them as being. Don't blame him. If you are sure he's ur daddy, and he won't admit it.. so what? let it go.
Use it, let it inspire you to burn your inner fire.. you are alive, and doing well. he gave you life, you wouldn't be here if he didn't give you that privilege. do you like to be alive? if so, let it go. if you can, that means you're strong. not weak like most people here on CD.
OP I am in the same age as you are. My parents were wonderful. But the father of my daughter same as your father. While I was officially married and pregnant in the same time another woman was pregnant. My daughter has his name and everything but he does not play any responsibility sake of our daughter. But he play a big role in that mistress life present wife. My thoughts some times better not to have just a name of the father just on a paper as they are not active in child's life. I know it is hard!! I am going through the same as he own half of the custody. I have to go through courts all the time to get permission in the sake of his half. But still I have no hard feelings but a relief that he is not there to ruin my child's mind. Be happy that dirty man did not play a role in your life. Stay strong OP be a good father for your child that is all you can do.
First of all, this is probably a bull*hit post. If it is real, what is your point? I've read threads on this website about a "real man" is judged on his ability to change his kid's diapers. No, a real man is understanding that life isn't always fair and this isn't directed at both you and your father, it's to everyone. it doesn't always turn out the way how perfect the media portrays them as being. Don't blame him. If you are sure he's ur daddy, and he won't admit it.. so what? let it go.
Use it, let it inspire you to burn your inner fire.. you are alive, and doing well. he gave you life, you wouldn't be here if he didn't give you that privilege. do you like to be alive? if so, let it go. if you can, that means you're strong. not weak like most people here on CD.
Have you ever heard that the best revenge is living well ? I know it is and maybe one day you can see that too . Some people are just idiota and your father is one of them . He is toxic people so never mind him he will pay when he gets judged at the gates .
It's true, at 80 years old, he probably thinks you're after an inheritance. He offered you money ... and as much as the thought probably churns your stomach, I think you should take it. For one thing, it's the LEAST he can do. It's a tiny bit of justice for abandoning you. And even if you don't want his money, I say put it in an educational trust for your son and at least something good can come from your whole situation. Alternatively, you can contact a local church or social services office to find a deserving single mother who's working three jobs to raise her child, and make an anonymous gift.
Just a thought.
I second this idea; it's actually a wise decision (if a gift comes your way lawfully and you are repulsed at the idea of taking it for yourself, then take it to do something good for others; you are letting your pride get the better of you to do otherwise when you can perhaps help to better the life of your son or someone else). As to your some-what of a question (this is to the original poster), the reason your father acts this way is because he only cares about money. It's a miserable life. Be thankful God has given you the ability to appreciate other things than this, it makes life easier and more joyful.
I'm 34 and my biological father never assumed my paternity. He had a casual relationship with my mother, who was 22 years younger than him, but he was married and already had children by the time I was born.
He was already a very successful businessman by then, quite wealthy. Whe my mother found out she was pregnant, he forced her to take some pills so she would have an abortion but it didn't work out. Apparently the experience was so horrible my mother decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. She did a wonderful job raising me, sometimes working 3 jobs at a time but I never got into trouble, was always a good student and went to university.
My mother told me the truth since my early years and I always knew who he was. The only thing that bothered and still bothers me is not having a father's name in my official documents and having to explain it everytime I need to fill on a file or something like that. People will say "oh you forgot your father's name".
It always bogged me how he knew that I existed, he knew there were times when things were very difficult financially and never even cared to help.
I'm not perfect, I also a have child who wasn't planned but there's no way I would turn my back on him once his mother decided to keep the baby. The moment I held him for the first time, abandoning him would never even cross my mind. He's now 2 years old and the joy of my life.
I decided to contact my father for the first time a week ago. He's nearing 80 and I wanted to ask him if there wasn't anything he wanted to say to me. I called his company and convinced his secretary to put me through. When he answered, I told him my name and I knew he knew who I was. He said I was not his son but if I insisted on that, he could give me a nice sum of money to keep my mouth shut. To think that he could buy me with his money disgusted me.
Sorry if this is more venting off steam than a question but I needed to write this.
Life is kind of a funny thing, there are so many possibilities that are left to fate. It sounds like your experiences and early struggles may have made you a better man and good father because of your plight. I might ask, what do you think your life may have been like if he stayed in the picture? He doesn't sound like a man with honor nor integrity, would you want someone like that in your life now, or in your son's life? Let it go, as long as he is a aggravation to you, he effects your life and happiness, he's going to die with a secret that will haunt him to his grave, don't let his ghost haunt you.
If I were you, I'd send him a picture of 'his grandchild'.. and take any money he offers you for now. Use it for your son. College is expensive. Your son doesn't need to know where they money came from.
I understand where you're coming from and I felt the same way at your age, but now I'm older and maybe I'm just bitchier. I just hate to see men get away without paying their fare share of child support.
When the old geezer croaks, get yourself a nice lawyer and get your fair share of your inheritance too.
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