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I'm 34 and my biological father never assumed my paternity. He had a casual relationship with my mother, who was 22 years younger than him, but he was married and already had children by the time I was born.
He was already a very successful businessman by then, quite wealthy. Whe my mother found out she was pregnant, he forced her to take some pills so she would have an abortion but it didn't work out. Apparently the experience was so horrible my mother decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. She did a wonderful job raising me, sometimes working 3 jobs at a time but I never got into trouble, was always a good student and went to university.
My mother told me the truth since my early years and I always knew who he was. The only thing that bothered and still bothers me is not having a father's name in my official documents and having to explain it everytime I need to fill on a file or something like that. People will say "oh you forgot your father's name".
It always bogged me how he knew that I existed, he knew there were times when things were very difficult financially and never even cared to help.
I'm not perfect, I also a have child who wasn't planned but there's no way I would turn my back on him once his mother decided to keep the baby. The moment I held him for the first time, abandoning him would never even cross my mind. He's now 2 years old and the joy of my life.
I decided to contact my father for the first time a week ago. He's nearing 80 and I wanted to ask him if there wasn't anything he wanted to say to me. I called his company and convinced his secretary to put me through. When he answered, I told him my name and I knew he knew who I was. He said I was not his son but if I insisted on that, he could give me a nice sum of money to keep my mouth shut. To think that he could buy me with his money disgusted me.
Sorry if this is more venting off steam than a question but I needed to write this.
I'm 34 and my biological father never assumed my paternity. He had a casual relationship with my mother, who was 22 years younger than him, but he was married and already had children by the time I was born.
He was already a very successful businessman by then, quite wealthy. Whe my mother found out she was pregnant, he forced her to take some pills so she would have an abortion but it didn't work out. Apparently the experience was so horrible my mother decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. She did a wonderful job raising me, sometimes working 3 jobs at a time but I never got into trouble, was always a good student and went to university.
My mother told me the truth since my early years and I always knew who he was. The only thing that bothered and still bothers me is not having a father's name in my official documents and having to explain it everytime I need to fill on a file or something like that. People will say "oh you forgot your father's name".
It always bogged me how he knew that I existed, he knew there were times when things were very difficult financially and never even cared to help.
I'm not perfect, I also a have child who wasn't planned but there's no way I would turn my back on him once his mother decided to keep the baby. The moment I held him for the first time, abandoning him would never even cross my mind. He's now 2 years old and the joy of my life.
I decided to contact my father for the first time a week ago. He's nearing 80 and I wanted to ask him if there wasn't anything he wanted to say to me. I called his company and convinced his secretary to put me through. When he answered, I told him my name and I knew he knew who I was. He said I was not his son but if I insisted on that, he could give me a nice sum of money to keep my mouth shut. To think that he could buy me with his money disgusted me.
Sorry if this is more venting off steam than a question but I needed to write this.
Wow, still going into the office at 80??
Does it come up often that you need to fill in your father's name on documents?
It's really unfortunate that you didn't have the heartwarming father experience. Many don't. He doesn't consider himself your father and never did, which is why he is able to act that way toward you.
It should motivate you to be a better father when your time comes, and to be certain about birth control until then.
Does it come up often that you need to fill in your father's name on documents?
Not often but it has happened on some occasions.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
It should motivate you to be a better father when your time comes, and to be certain about birth control until then.
I already have a child. I say it in the opening post. The way I act towards my son has nothing to do with how he treated the whole situation. I'm very active in his life and I see him almost daily.
Welcome to the club.
My "sperm donor" hasn't acknowledged me since I was born in the early '40s. I didn't even find out his name until after my mother was dead. Since the name was based on hearsay, I don't know for sure if it is the right guy.
It is irrelevant, anyway, except for the fact that I have been living with the wrong name my entire life. Actually, that, too, is irrelevant. I have used the name for so long that it is now my legal name.
You could always do what I have wished I could do: Write him a note, telling him exactly what you think of him. Then think about it for a while before you decide whether to mail it or burn it.
Personally, I would burn it.
He probably thinks I'm now after an inheritance...and I woudn't even let him pay for a coffee.
Sorry, I don't have anything to offer that will make you feel better. It's one of those situations where the only thing that will make you feel better is coming to terms with things the way they are and moving on. To be honest, that might require finding a counselor who can help you work through your resentment.
It's true, at 80 years old, he probably thinks you're after an inheritance. He offered you money ... and as much as the thought probably churns your stomach, I think you should take it. For one thing, it's the LEAST he can do. It's a tiny bit of justice for abandoning you. And even if you don't want his money, I say put it in an educational trust for your son and at least something good can come from your whole situation. Alternatively, you can contact a local church or social services office to find a deserving single mother who's working three jobs to raise her child, and make an anonymous gift.
Just a thought.
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I say it in the opening post. The way I act towards my son has nothing to do with how he treated the whole situation. I'm very active in his life and I see him almost daily.
