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This sounds mutually beneficial, so I am unsure of what you want to hear.
It sounds like depression to me, but I am unsure of what you can do. It doesn't sound as if there is a VA healthcare center near you. And even if there were, you cannot do much for him if you do not have some sort of Power of Attorney over him. He has to do it - and it doesn't seem likely that he will at this point.
You are using his vehicle and he is doing yardwork. Is it possible that he feels as if this is a barter type situation?
I think he does what he can for me because I'm letting him stay here rent free. One time he told me that he hates just being "baggage" around here, so he does what he can to make up for that. In many ways, you're right - it IS mutually beneficial. I get transportation and other help plus the presence of a big guy (he's 6'4") who is ex-military. I feel much safer having him around. I guess what triggered all this is how high my electric bill went this last winter. This is an old place with inadequate heating. There's a propane stove in the living room, and that's it. The other rooms get very cold and he has to use an electric heater to stay warm. It frustrates me no end when I see him taking a pass on possible help just because it's from the state or federal government. The way I see it, anybody who has worked 20 years or more and paid their taxes deserves something back, especially in times of need. I'm going to start talking up my plans to leave here more often as suggested. Plus, I'm going to start talking up that SER program that I mentioned in my OP.
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Originally Posted by willow wind
Rambler, you have to realize that everyone but you is getting benefit out of this situation.
Your landlady is getting yard work/ tree cutting done for free. Remember, it's her house, not yours. While the brush may need to be cleared for fire hazard, that's her responsibility if she doesn't want to risk her home. It's her problem how to pay for. It's not yours- yet you are one losing rent money while everyone else benefits. Don't make excuses for this.
Evidently you seem to think that your roomie driving you to town now and then is worth letting him live there for free. Anyone else would simply have discussed this with him before letting him move in. You could simply negotiate x- amount of gas dollars for every time you need to use his Jeep. He is certainly not spending the equivalent of room rent on gas each month.
Basically, everyone is using you. Just think of it this way- you could be saving toward getting your vehicle fixed if you have income coming in. Instead you are deliberately putting off becoming independent by not being willing to confront your room mate and seeking an equitable rooming situation.
You created this mess by letting this guy move in rent free. It's up to you to correct the situation. It's going to be tough for you to do this because you keep making excuses for everyone's behavior. Time to think of yourself. Good luck.
Well, rides to town is not the only thing I get out of it (see above). And actually, my landlady has been very good to me. She was going to raise the rent by $50.00/month, and on my income even $50.00 is a lot of money. Plus, at that time my electric bill was killing me. So, I went to her and explained my situation and asked if she could possibly hold off on the rent increase until spring. What she did instead was to tell me to give that extra $50.00 to my roommate in exchange for him doing various odd jobs around here. Granted, she's getting a hell of a deal for her fifty bucks since my roommate does so much work around here, he might as well be getting a dollar or two an hour. Still, I thought that was a very generous gesture on her part. But you are spot on about getting some rent money that I could set aside to get my truck repaired. I'd love to do that and if I had someone else all lined up and set to go, I'd give my roommate an ultimatum - either take advantage of that jobs program for the 55+ folks or go pick out a campsite. But it's hard for me to find someone I'm comfortable sharing my living space with. I'm 64 and disabled in addition, so I have to be careful about who I allow out here in this isolated place.
It sounds like it's time for some tough love. Set your goals, set a timetable, and make it happen. Keep in mind that there are cheaper places around Springs as well, Fountain, Security, Pueblo, Canon City. I don't think I would live in Springs itself if it were me.
Colorado Springs has changed a lot from what I gather on the Colorado forum. Still, I want to go HOME, and that's the Springs, not Pueblo, etc. I'll be moving 400 miles across the state and such a move will use my every last resource. I'd better try for a place where I will be happy living there because this probably will be my last move. I'm willing to keep up with what's going on in Colorado Springs and wait for the right moment to pounce.
Rambler, you have to realize that everyone but you is getting benefit out of this situation.
Your landlady is getting yard work/ tree cutting done for free. Remember, it's her house, not yours. While the brush may need to be cleared for fire hazard, that's her responsibility if she doesn't want to risk her home. It's her problem how to pay for. It's not yours- yet you are one losing rent money while everyone else benefits. Don't make excuses for this.
Evidently you seem to think that your roomie driving you to town now and then is worth letting him live there for free. Anyone else would simply have discussed this with him before letting him move in. You could simply negotiate x- amount of gas dollars for every time you need to use his Jeep. He is certainly not spending the equivalent of room rent on gas each month.
Basically, everyone is using you. Just think of it this way- you could be saving toward getting your vehicle fixed if you have income coming in. Instead you are deliberately putting off becoming independent by not being willing to confront your room mate and seeking an equitable rooming situation.
You created this mess by letting this guy move in rent free. It's up to you to correct the situation. It's going to be tough for you to do this because you keep making excuses for everyone's behavior. Time to think of yourself. Good luck.
Yes, it is a problem.
But even if he gets a small amount of aid, perhaps SNAP & something else, he may be help with some of the bills, which would greatly help you to save up to pay for repairing your truck.
She was going to raise the rent by $50.00/month, and on my income even $50.00 is a lot of money. Plus, at that time my electric bill was killing me. So, I went to her and explained my situation and asked if she could possibly hold off on the rent increase until spring. What she did instead was to tell me to give that extra $50.00 to my roommate in exchange for him doing various odd jobs around here. Granted, she's getting a hell of a deal for her fifty bucks since my roommate does so much work around here, he might as well be getting a dollar or two an hour. Still, I thought that was a very generous gesture on her part.
Wait, so not only is your roommate living with you for free, but you are paying him $50 a month?! Why are you giving him the money? You should be keeping it as part of his rent payment.
Location: In a little house on the prairie - literally
10,202 posts, read 7,947,604 times
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Something in the vet DNA perhaps.
My ex-girlfriend's son, ex-marine, moved in with her when he was discharged. It was going on 10 months and he was not paying the agreed amount of rent, in fact rarely paid anything. He finally got a job but continued not paying. After long discussions with me, as this bothered her terribly, because it WAS her son, she gave him an 8 week deadline that he had to be out, and that the money was still due to her.
He did move out as required, he paid some of the owed money, and their relationship was strained, but over time, got better. I tried to be a conduit and think I helped.
Well, he got a job offer through another ex-marine that was out of state, and he is now doing extremely well. In the past three years, he has completely turned his life around.
The long and short of it is, give him a deadline, and stick to it. He'll make the right decision for himself.
Wait, so not only is your roommate living with you for free, but you are paying him $50 a month?! Why are you giving him the money? You should be keeping it as part of his rent payment.
Agree, this makes no sense. And the landlady is getting quite the deal, sounds like $200 worth or yardwork for $50.
Wait, so not only is your roommate living with you for free, but you are paying him $50 a month?! Why are you giving him the money? You should be keeping it as part of his rent payment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin
Agree, this makes no sense. And the landlady is getting quite the deal, sounds like $200 worth or yardwork for $50.
I agree. Do you actually give him $50 or is it that your rent did not go up $50 a month?
I bet that your landlord would have to pay someone a lot more than $200 for all that work.
If he is that big, strong and handy I bet that he may be able to get a few "paying gigs" around the area. Even if he just finds one or two odd jobs every few weeks that pay $100 a piece that will go a long way to helping with the electric bill and towards paying the rent.
Wait, so not only is your roommate living with you for free, but you are paying him $50 a month?! Why are you giving him the money? You should be keeping it as part of his rent payment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin
Agree, this makes no sense. And the landlady is getting quite the deal, sounds like $200 worth or yardwork for $50.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
I agree. Do you actually give him $50 or is it that your rent did not go up $50 a month?
I bet that your landlord would have to pay someone a lot more than $200 for all that work.
If he is that big, strong and handy I bet that he may be able to get a few "paying gigs" around the area. Even if he just finds one or two odd jobs every few weeks that pay $100 a piece that will go a long way to helping with the electric bill and towards paying the rent.
Agree that the $50.00/month thing would seem wierd to some, but the way I see it I'd either be giving that money to my landlady or else my roommate, and I'd rather keep it in the family, so to speak. My landlady seems to barely know what's going on at this place. She lives 7 miles away in town and hardly ever comes by. She's got a son who has just gotten released from jail on meth charges; her husband was in remission from cancer, but now the cancer is back; and finally, she has a 93 year-old mother that she watches over whose health is failing. I don't see how she manages emotionally and I try to be as low key as possible and not bother her about stuff out here. My roommate is one of those people who just likes to keep busy, so he was doing all sorts of things around here for free before, and the things he does makes life a little easier for me - like he spaded up my entire garden for me and then dumped bags of mushroom compost all over and spaded that in. I'd never have the strength to dig up the soil here for a garden on my own. Stuff like that.
He does get SNAP at least, and throws the money from that into groceries for both of us. He's far from being a parasite. I think he's going thru some sort of emotional break for whatever reason, but as others have pointed out, I am enabling him not to go for help as long as I allow this situation to continue as it is. It will be hard for me to do, but I'm going to have to tell him to go the VA for help or apply for that senior jobs program or else leave. Boy, am I ever not looking forward to that conversation.
...His excuse is that he only got a general discharge from the army and they won’t help vets with general discharges. ...The rep said he could help and to tell my friend that he should drop by. Well, my roommate still refuses to go down there and talk with anyone.
The idea is to give older job seekers training and job experience. It’s temporary (2 years) and they don’t pay a fortune, but it sure is better than nothing at all. In addition, it puts a person back out in the community where they can network and maybe even find something permanent. My roommate won’t apply there either because he won’t take government assistance.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colorado Rambler
Agree that the $50.00/month thing would seem wierd to some...
He does get SNAP at least....
So let us summarize.
Your roommate won't take a paying job because he considers in govt assistance. However he takes SNAP which actually is govt assistance. Sounds like he will take a hand out as long as it is free but won't work for money.
Your roommate who has no problem taking govt. assistance because he takes SNAP has somehow conned your land lady into asking you to give him $50 month. Which he has no problem pocketing. He isn't offering it back to you as rent. Big red flag.
You roommate who has no problem with govt. assistance won't apply for vet help. So why might that be? Probably because he isn't a vet.
And you think you are going to talk him into not being a leech con artist? Are you certain he didn't damage your truck to make you dependent on him so that you can't kick him out?
I wouldn't worry one bit about kicking him out. People like this will always find a mark in people like you. He has you convinced that you are better off with him there than not (doing just enough so you will be ever so grateful that he isn't a leach) so he will continue to leach off of you for as long as you let him. Campground for him as the next spot? Ha! He will find another mark in short order. He will use his able bodied skills and 6'4" frame to impress some other woman willing to support him.
I bet if you backtrack to his previous living situations you will find a long list of women supporting him until they got fed up, kicked him out and forced him to move on to the next person that buys his tale of woe.
Are you sleeping with him? That seems to be the obvious missing piece in this bizarre arrangement. Why else would you be so willing let him take such financial advantage?
Do any of these choices have something to do with your disability? Would you be better off with an advocate of some sort to help you make decisions?
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