Does it sound like I put off my female friend with this text message?

[bg7]

Originally Posted by mayalevi

You are way over thinking this. BTW, if you're not sure if she's interested I you or not...some women do prefer the direct approach--ask her out somewhere and let her know you enjoy her company. The worst thing, in my opinion, is when some guy looks waaaaay too much into what you say/do and interprets that as something it may/may not be.

Yea - chill the heck out or you won't be getting anywhere with her anyway.


Plus "lol" is a bit teenage-girly. Use them judiciously, not like a punctuation mark.

[Tzaphkiel]

i don't think "we're the same" would creep someone out or reveal you want to be in a relationship with her.

although an example of being creeped out by a "we're the same" comment is when someone I had seen just a couple times came over to my house for the first time for just a few minutes before we went out to dinner; i was turning off the lights and grabbing my jacket from the other room, getting ready to head out the door; this person went into my bedroom, went into my closet, met me in the hallway with a very determined look on their face and said in an intense voice "you hang your clothes hangers the exactly same way that i do. this is a sign that we are destined to be together." when i realized this person was serious and i felt the walls closing in, that is an example of being creeped out by a comment.

(and yes, during dinner that same evening (again, we'd been out like all of two times before) this person pressured me to move in together and offered to bring some of their furniture over the next day. totally creeped me out. )

so probably best NOT to text her "when are we moving in together LOL" just to be on the safe side, probably don't mention her clothes hangers either.

[Zeurich]

If there is no other things to worry this is a good one to worry!

[veuvegirl]

Wow, overthinking, overthinking, overthinking!

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by Brooklynnetman

I am very good friends with someone from my neighborhood, and we generally hang out in a group of about 5 people, but we have been hanging out alone a little bit lately (but still with them as well). We are both single, and I do see us having a great relationship, but I would have to be 100% sure she was interested in me in order to pursue one. Anyway, we were hanging out the other night alone after attending a meeting for the organization we both volunteer at, and we got coffee late at night (about 9pm). I texted her today to tell her something about volunteering, and she brought up out of the blue that she had been up all night from the coffee with an "lol" at the end. I stupidly replied, "Oh man, me too! We're the same!," and then I didn't hear back after that. That text didn't sound bad to me when I was typing it, but after I sent it, I completely regretted it. I felt like I had blown an opportunity at another nice conversation initiated by her (she initiates a fair amount). I finally texted her about an hour later, "I'm having decaf coffee now, lol." About 10 minutes later, she replied, "Nice, lol." She then texted me another out-of-the-blue story, but no "lol" (if that makes a difference). I sent a "haha, good one," and that was it. Do you think my, "We're the same!" text creeped her out a bit, or am I overthinking it, and she was just busy? She does sometimes take a while to reply back, and tonight is Saturday. She also had sent me a picture a few days ago of herself in her uniform for her new job in front of the building, which made me think she could be interested, but most importantly, I hope I did not weird her out with that overly enthusiastic text.

Do you always overanalyze everything like this? Man, you've got to relax.

I've noticed a fair number of posts on this forum about texting and the problems it causes. So let's consider the following:

1) Texting is for basic communication such as "Running five minutes late. Traffic." Or "Hey, are you home? Need to drop something by."

2) For communications that require a little more nuance, such as your budding romance, texting is not up to the task. For there are a million cues you get in ten seconds of actual conversation that cannot be expressed in a text. This is why you're obsessing over the minutiae of your texts. Next thing you know, you'll be worrying over whether or not she uses periods or commas.

3) A lot of people who text, for some weird reason, feel that they deserve an instantaneous response. You wouldn't expect that from a phone call that went to voicemail or an e-mail. Why a text? It's this weird presumption at work that the person receiving the text is not busy. For all you know, she was in a meeting, busting it on deadline, or had the boss in her office and couldn't respond right away. It's not all about you, you know.

4) For this reason, texting for anything but the basics is for those whose frontal lobes, the ones that control social function, are shrunken. You know, teenagers as well as grownups with deficient social skills.

So I guess what I'm telling you is to pick up the damned phone and call. What's more, if you get these freaking panic attacks over texts, I have grave doubts about your future relationship. Because if you're this anxious about some banter over the phone, I can't imagine what kind of suffocating hell her relationship with you will be like.

And if you think she's interested, quit beating around the bush. Quit hiding behind your smartphone and just ask her out for crying out loud. She'll either say 'yes' or 'no.' Then you'll have your answer rather than deconstructing every last syllable she texts you.

One last thing. The "100% sure" statement on your part. With the exception of the sun coming up in the morning, nothing in life is 100% sure. Have some guts. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Because while you wait on this to be a stone-cold cinch, some guy who thinks of her as a 50-50 proposition for success will have the basic nerve to take his best shot. And succeed.

[funymann]

She sent you a picture of her on her new job.

That's a good sign.... Don't blow it!