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We dont have baby showers in the UK or not that I know of... what does Shower me. to shower with gifts.. to me its a bit like blackmail to buy something fancy or expensive as everyone there will see what you gave.. so it must prompt people to buy better gifts than others.. Maybe not but IM not into all this .. buying a gift for a new baby is lovely but not a party when the baby isnt even there ...Some here now give their small kids big garden parties or in a hall or amusement centre.. it must cost a fortune and who exactly is the party for......not the three year old who wont know the difference between four kids in his house with a small birthday cake, or Coco the clown who juggles.. and costs a bomb.. its mostly now to show off to other parents and not for the child at all.
Because the invite just says to just bring diapers and not gifts. She had a kid two years ago. Same sex as this new one. She's throwing this shower for herself and inviting people.
Yes there's stuff unrelated to this. My relatives don't treat me very well and I'm mad. It's an ongoing subject for a lot of these threads isn't it?
If you really don't want to go, don't. There's no sense in being there if you're going to be miserable. I don't go to every shower I'm invited to either for varying reasons.
If you want to just send her a card congratulating her on the new baby and enclose a gift card to BabiesRUs or somewhere so she can buy her own diapers.
Unless they're YEARS (and I mean a good decade plus) apart, I think baby showers for anything but the FIRST baby are obnoxious.
You can have a sip and see after the baby is born just to introduce everyone if you really feel the need for a party, but anything else is an obvious, obnoxious gift grab.
I say this as someone who loves to buy gifts for people for all occasions and also just for no reason at all.
According to what book and whom? This etiquette rule seems rather arbitrary. A lot of people might not have those around them, even close friends, that would put together something like this for them. Does it really matter who sends out the invitations and books the event?
That's what we had, a sprinkling. Really just asked for diapers and baby clothes (different gender) since we had all the other stuff. It was definitely on a smaller scale than the earlier shower(s). More of a get together, and I think everyone enjoyed the opportunity to celebrate the baby and getting together.
Reading some of the posts in this thread, I think a lot of people here are trying to connect the second shower to some broader generalization of the younger generation today that just isn't there.
According to me and the way I was raised. The idea of a second shower doesn't bother me as much as someone throwing it herself.
Unless they're YEARS (and I mean a good decade plus) apart, I think baby showers for anything but the FIRST baby are obnoxious.
You can have a sip and see after the baby is born just to introduce everyone if you really feel the need for a party, but anything else is an obvious, obnoxious gift grab.
I say this as someone who loves to buy gifts for people for all occasions and also just for no reason at all.
Exactly. If the idea is to celebrate the baby, then celebrate the baby and specify no gifts. People who want to give a gift will do so whether there is a party or not.
According to what book and whom? This etiquette rule seems rather arbitrary. A lot of people might not have those around them, even close friends, that would put together something like this for them. Does it really matter who sends out the invitations and books the event?
According to pretty much every etiquette book I've ever read. Old school even says close relatives should not host.
Hosting a party for yourself where gifts are expected is generally considered to be not in good taste.
If a person doesn't have close friends or family to do this, who exactly is getting invited?
First just a question about apparent change in what is acceptable. I know that it used to be that people only really did baby showers or wedding showers for the first wedding or baby. This idea being that they starting the house keeping or being a parent and they have nothing. Is it really acceptable now to expect more gifts with each additional wedding and child? Do people toss out the first pile of stuff and start over? Babies don't usually wear out clothes anyhow.
OK if this is now what is right and the new baby shower is just a go fund me type of thing to pay for diapers and they may toss me a cupcake and ignore me while there, should I go? It's people I'm really kind of mad at for another reason. Would you go if you were me?
Do whatever you want. It's no one else's business. If you don't want the bride/mom to be getting angry at you, make up an excuse.
I've been to many baby showers. I quit doing that years ago, as MY special days passed by with no acknowledgement by those moms-to-be, whether it was my mother passing away, my birthday, a promotion, whatever. At one baby shower, I got her a how-to thick pricey book instead of going by her list, and she had the nerve to criticize it when she opened it. I've never been so insulted. Yes, I should've gone by the list, but there was a reason (I was short on time, and I had lost the list and forgotten about the shower, so had to get something quickly - and it was returnable). That was the last shower I attended.
This gift giving fund-me thing has gotten out of hand. It's become a demand performance, and the recipients of the gifts are getting greedy and critical, in some instances.
I and some others had even gotten invitations to a wedding shower, BUT WEREN'T INVITED TO THE WEDDING! I got her a gift, but didn't go to the shower.
Do what you want. In the scheme of things, this is an unimportant thing in life.
Don't go unless you can go with a joyous heart, happy for your friends/relatives at the thought of another addition to their family. Otherwise, plead a previous engagement, and stay away -- they don't need you glowering in a corner like the Ghost of Christmas Past. Granted, it's in bad taste to throw yourself a shower, but you can't teach the world manners. *shrug*
It's a party. Treat it like a party. If you decide to go, give a small gift card at a local baby department, and be done with it. If it was any other party, you'd bring a hostess gift, wouldn't you? If the baby was born, wouldn't you send a gift? Stop with the "oh, I'm being shaken down!" attitude.
Why are people so insulted to be invited to a party, these days?
According to what book and whom? This etiquette rule seems rather arbitrary. A lot of people might not have those around them, even close friends, that would put together something like this for them. Does it really matter who sends out the invitations and books the event?
If they don't have any friends -- who is coming to the party? Just curious . . . Letitia Baldrige, Judith Martin and Emily Post are spinning in their graves. :-) However, Emily Post's online opinion has been revised, and is now this: Hosts and Honorees
Traditionally, close friends, cousins, aunts, sisters-in-law, or coworkers of the mother-to-be hosted baby showers. Because gifts are central to showers, hosting by a member of the honoree’s (or husband’s) immediate family appeared self-serving. Today it is appropriate for anyone to host a baby shower as long as there’s a legitimate reason. For example, some parents-to-be live far from their hometowns, and their mothers and siblings want to host a shower so that longtime friends can attend.
Miss Manners (Judith Martin) is a little more formal: Hosting the Shower
According to Miss Manners, it's not proper etiquette for a relative of the expectant mother to host the baby shower, as this implies that the family is begging for gifts. The Baby Shower 101 website asserts that baby showers were traditionally thrown by a close female friend of the family, a coworker or good friend of the guest of honor. These days, however, more baby showers are hosted by the sister or aunt of the expectant mother.
Subsequent Baby Showers
Miss Manners doesn't recommend that a pregnant woman have a baby shower if she is welcoming any other child other than her first. The purpose of baby showers is to equip the guest of honor with all the items she needs to care for her first baby; once the woman is having a second or third child, it's in better taste for her to have a small, informal gathering if her close friends and loved ones insist on having a celebration for her. Setting up a gift registry for a shower that isn't for the guest of honor's first child is bad manners, and gives the impression that the honoree is begging for gifts.
However, I do think it's a regional thing -- and while I wouldn't choose to do it, if someone else wants to, then hey, have at it. *shrug*. Who the hostess is won't be affecting what I planned to spend on a gift, or even if I was planning to celebrate with a gift.
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