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Well you were spot on up until the part about not causing a long term rift.
Lia, you were lucky enough to have your siblings all play a role in your situation. That is not always the case.
It wasn't in mine. The OP has a problem, you are a 100% correct when you said it just gets worse. The OP can certainly try and have a conversation with his brother, that may or may not help.
Let me tell you how it is in my case, and in several other cases when you have a sibling who doesn't bother to play any role in taking care of parents. I'm talking about good decent parents, I have no issue with someone not helping if they had abusive ones.
What happens is, once the last parent is gone, you don't want any contact with that sibling. Why would you? That person turned their back on their parents and their sibling when you needed them the most.
You wouldn't accept that behavior from a friend or a spouse.
You don't take it from a sibling either.
I hear you. All I'm saying is that it's my personal hope that OP and her brother choose not to sever their relationship. Because if they do then there's no room for healing it. Can't work on something that isn't there. I prefer healing to estrangement, that's all. But I can accept the choice to go for no healing. That's as legitimate a decision as any other, imo. Plenty of us have situations where if there's any love left at all, it's got to be love from a distance.
I hear you. All I'm saying is that it's my personal hope that OP and her brother choose not to sever their relationship. Because if they do then there's no room for healing it. Can't work on something that isn't there. I prefer healing to estrangement, that's all. But I can accept the choice to go for no healing. That's as legitimate a decision as any other, imo. Plenty of us have situations where if there's any love left at all, it's got to be love from a distance.
Also, to point out, if one person would like to heal but the other person does not, you can't force it.
I doubt he'd even show up to that. He'd probably only show up to the reading of the will. We already know it's a 50/50 split between us and there's no way on Earth my parents would change that.
Be careful, if he's executor he can take more than his share. Make sure the lawyer is working for BOTH of you.
Get your parents to name you executor so you don't become another victim. I found out the hard way....
Be careful, if he's executor he can take more than his share. Make sure the lawyer is working for BOTH of you.
Get your parents to name you executor so you don't become another victim. I found out the hard way....
Good advice.
Surely your parents haven't named him as executor. If so, why him and why not you?
I suggest that you not look at it as an issue of "control" but more of "persuasion.
I notice that you don't say anything about your parents' speaking up. What would happen if you said, "Mom, I'm not going to be able to drive you to the hospital tomorrow. You need to call Brother and get him to come."
Sadly, the burden always tends to fall on the daughters.
Because he's the male? In some families it's still the case that the dad names the executor and the dad chooses the first born succeeding male.
Well, I understand why some families may go that route - I mean I don't necessarily agree with it or think that it makes sense just because of birth order or gender, but that's why I'm asking the OP who the executor is and if her brother is, why is that?
I don't see why a first born, or a male, or a first born male would just automatically be chosen as executor. None of those elements makes anyone more or less qualified to do the job (which is often complex and thankless, I might add).
Because he's the male? In some families it's still the case that the dad names the executor and the dad chooses the first born succeeding male.
And I would like to add that EACH parent can choose an executor and they can be a different person. Just because the dad chooses someone for his own estate, doesn't mean the mom has to choose the same person for her estate.
My husband and I have different backup executors named, for instance.
Be careful, if he's executor he can take more than his share. Make sure the lawyer is working for BOTH of you.
Get your parents to name you executor so you don't become another victim. I found out the hard way....
Good point. If the dying person has named co-executors in writing I think the lawyer will work with and for both of them. Otherwise forget about it. One person will have all the say-so (and ownership) and the other will have none. Disputes can be taken to court but if there's anything at all left afterward both parties should count themselves very lucky.
And I would like to add that EACH parent can choose an executor and they can be a different person. Just because the dad chooses someone for his own estate, doesn't mean the mom has to choose the same person for her estate.
My husband and I have different backup executors named, for instance.
Wow. I'll have to research that. Like how it works when husband and wife have left their estates first to each other or something. Interesting!
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