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I know its different over there but what the hell... 21 a man who could have been to war and married and some are saying not to have pay for keep... thats insane.. of course they should have to contribute, people cant survive on thin air...
If you live at home you should not pay rent. Parents who charge their kids rent to live with them should not have had kids in the first place.
Errrm, I disagree with this. If you WEREN'T a student I wouldn't think anything of it.
But you are a student, so I think it's fine for now.
I think allowing an adult child (not a student, and not chronically ill or other extreme circumstances) to live rent free in mom and dad's house for more than a few weeks isn't helping anyone. Not letting the child face reality on their own is doing them a huge, huge disservice.
In your case OP, I would enjoy your mothers generosity and continue what you are doing!
Now, if you live home post graduation more than a few weeks, I would absolutely offer. I'm sure your mother is so proud to have raised a great kid!
Every family has different philosophies on raising their children.........some think that, when a kid turns 18, it it time to kick them out of the nest and teach them responsibility. Others, like me, never wanted to see my sons leave. When we had them, we signed on for life, not just 18 years.
My two lived at home until their mid 20's and we did not charge them any money per se. They had jobs and were going to school, but had not really found their financial way yet in life. My wife and I were happy to continue to give them a roof over their head and food on the table (although they mostly ate out on their own).
I think the OP is being very considerate and mature to want to kick in, and if they can do that, fine.
Pay rent in non-monetary ways. Yardwork, cleaning, cooking, laundry. Then keep doing what you are doing with work and school, so when you graduate you can get out.
Money is great and sure does help out with finances, but your mom coming home to a made dinner, or the laundry put away, makes each day just a little easier.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Slam4444
Recently, I've realized that I need to become more independent and responsible, so I'm toying with the idea of paying my mom rent. I'm 21, and live at home with her. But I do work part time at a low paying job (30 hours a week), while commuting to a nearby 4 year university to study secondary education full time.
My mom isn't even making me pay rent, but I feel bad for taking advantage of her in a way. I don't spend my money recklessly; I've saved some up. However, if I improved my spending habits and budget, my savings could increase by a decent amount. Part of budgeting and saving for me includes helping my mom out in a way (at first I wanted to pay a utility, but now I want to give her like $100 from each paycheck for her to put towards food, or a bill, etc, so $200 a month). Also, I do have some responsibilities, but I'm privileged in that my mom helps pay my tuition, and I use her car to get around when she doesn't need it. I pay to fill up the tank every week, for my school textbooks, my phone bill, as well as any spending money to go out or buy food/clothes.
What does everyone think? I'd especially like to hear the opinions' of parents & their experience with this.
My mom didn't charge me rent as a student, even when I worked full time. Her line was as long as I'm doing something constructive daily, I had free rent. Now I ended up leaving on my own accord because I was tired of getting screamed at every time I came home smelling of alcohol and tobacco, even though legally I could consume both.
If you live at home you should not pay rent. Parents who charge their kids rent to live with them should not have had kids in the first place.
I agree.
I was paying rent to live in a place I hated.
I moved out at age 19, totally unprepared for life as an adult. But I managed. I'm older now and did not have a good life. If I had different parents I would have had a way better chance for that to not happen.
My parents had no business having children and frankly I wish they didn't.
Pay rent in non-monetary ways. Yardwork, cleaning, cooking, laundry. Then keep doing what you are doing with work and school, so when you graduate you can get out.
Money is great and sure does help out with finances, but your mom coming home to a made dinner, or the laundry put away, makes each day just a little easier.
Our daughter moved home, in part to help care for her disabled father. Helping with that and with other tasks around the house was far, far valuable to us than having her pay rent.
Your parent(s) must have done something right to have a son that is so thoughtful.
I don't know what your Mom's financial position is, but if things are tight, then yes, I would pay a bill or two.
If finances are not an issue, then taking care of some chores, yard work, taking out garbage, dishes etc, would be a great help. Stopping to pick up something at the grocery store (that you know Mom likes) would also be nice.
As a parent, it's the little things that make a big difference.
As an example, I loaned my car to my son so he could take his girlfriend on a vacation. He returned it with a full tank, washed and vacuumed it, and as thanks, bought me a nice bottle of scotch. They left me the girlfrend's car in their absence, I washed it, did a few minor repairs as well. Neither one of us knew that the other was going to do these things.
It sounds like you are of the same type as my boy.
I agree with all the posters who said there are other ways to get compensation other than just money...especially if there are younger kids in the house, having an adult child around to run errands, drive kids places, babysit, etc., can be really convenient. It seems to be a pretty common situation for those who don't mind their adult child staying around while they go to school or get started in a job search or career or what have you.
The best thing you can do as the kid living at home is offer to pay rent ... your parents will probably decline, but they'll appreciate your offer, and know that they can count on you to help out in other ways.
That said, if having your adult child living at home causes problems in the parent-child relationship, it may be time to unwind that living arrangement. Some young adults want to party, or want to bring boys/girls home, or do other things that may be upsetting to the parents. If that's the situation ... it can be better to not live together rather than constantly fighting over music volume or who's allowed to visit and when or so forth.
It's not like your differences of opinion are going to stop once they leave your house, obviously, but it's more peaceful not to have those tensions under your roof where it's just going to cause arguments. I've learned that you can give kids all the good advice in the world but sometimes they have to live their life and learn their own lessons -- it's so hard but sometimes you have no alternative but to give good counsel, realize that they are not hearing you right now, and try not to worry too much as they go about learning their own life lessons like you might have learned when you were younger. I definitely don't always enjoy it -- how convenient it would be if my kids would do exactly everything the way I wanted it, right? -- but I know that my parents didn't like every choice I made in my life so I try to express my opinions honestly about things and then try not to harp on it. Once you have a sit down talk about something, they'll remember how you feel and you don't need to remind them constantly.
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-- but I know that my parents didn't like every choice I made in my life so I try to express my opinions honestly about things and then try not to harp on it. Once you have a sit down talk about something, they'll remember how you feel and you don't need to remind them constantly.
