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Yeah. I had a male friend who got burned over and over again by superficial, high maintenance women. When I tried to introduce him to nice women with good values, he just wasn't interested, because they weren't flashy and exciting enough for him.
And high maintenance gold diggers often come with a lot of drama, so for the person who craves excitement, this is really what he wants.
That's just what I was thinking. Some people need to have their adrenalin stimulated in order to feel alive, and find good, down-to-earth, kind and smart types boring. Then they wonder why they always end up with high-maintenance or high -drama types. No wonder those poor guys are limping around all the time, for all the bullet holes they've shot into their foot.
This carries over into the work world, I've found, too. Some people require a big sales pitch in order to be convinced that a product or program or potential business parter or organization is worth getting involved with. Then, down the road, when things go wrong, or hidden agendas come out, people wonder why their partnerships keep blowing up in their face, or why situations take an unexpected turn. By valuing flash, they chronically open themselves to con artists.
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
3,487 posts, read 3,343,952 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yourown2feet
Someone mentioned having been an "ugly duckling" and tormented by other children. The poster didn't mention whether he/she had turned into a swan at some point.
I was considered "ugly" by other kids (smaller, and looked a bit different from the rest). I endured a lot of mean comments and exclusion by age peers, and grew to assume that the bottom of the social order was my lot in life. Then, in my late teens, I grew tall and filled out, and my age peers starting saying I was good-looking. After all the nastiness early on, I frankly had trouble believing them.
To compensate, I started telling myself that I must be better-looking than I thought I was, and decided to test the idea by speaking up confidently, talking to popular people, joining groups. Amazingly (to me), I got away with it, whereas a few years earlier, I would have been put in my place at once. Whether I really was better-looking or not (I can't judge, because I still see a very flawed face in the mirror), I believe my act of confidence made a difference in my life. Where kids treated me like dirt, adults tend to treat me with respect. Just one person's story.
My picture is in my profile taken about a year and a half ago. Probably in my late 20's after both of my kids were born. Somehow motherhood helped.
I am like you though, what I see in the mirror is flawed. I still see that girl that was called bozo and all sorts of names in school. Self confidence... I can fake it. Scars from childhood never quite go away. They fade, but never fully heal.
Being attractive has never stopped a single person who fits into this category from: having his or her heart broken; developing an alcohol or drug addicion; getting cheated on; getting into an accident; being murdered; developing cancer; suffering from anxiety or depression; committing suicide, etc, Etc, etc.
I know that this is a morbid way to answer the question but hopefully it sheds some light on the reality that being attractive or "super" attractive means very little, in the grand scheme of things in life.
My picture is in my profile taken about a year and a half ago. Probably in my late 20's after both of my kids were born. Somehow motherhood helped.
I am like you though, what I see in the mirror is flawed. I still see that girl that was called bozo and all sorts of names in school. Self confidence... I can fake it. Scars from childhood never quite go away. They fade, but never fully heal.
I was told repeatedly by boys that I was ugly. I think they were being cruel, but I also think they meant what they said. I've seen these men now that they are much older, and frankly, they don't look that good to me, either. If I were still single at this point, I certainly wouldn't want to date them at all. Not that it matters anyway.
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
3,487 posts, read 3,343,952 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tassity22
I was told repeatedly by boys that I was ugly. I think they were being cruel, but I also think they meant what they said. I've seen these men now that they are much older, and frankly, they don't look that good to me, either. If I were still single at this point, I certainly wouldn't want to date them at all. Not that it matters anyway.
Trust me, I was not cute. Even my Dear Darling Hubby has said if he had met me back then he wouldn't have looked twice. And that was when he saw my graduation picture. ROFL
That's just what I was thinking. Some people need to have their adrenalin stimulated in order to feel alive, and find good, down-to-earth, kind and smart types boring. Then they wonder why they always end up with high-maintenance or high -drama types. No wonder those poor guys are limping around all the time, for all the bullet holes they've shot into their foot.
.
Oh yes. Sometimes those men turn into woman-haters, too, because they keep getting burned by women. They were so blinded by appearances and dazzled by the drama, that they never bothered to look at the integrity of the person they were dating. And women can have the same issue with not looking at a man's integrity or morals.
It's sad because I know so many nice women who are still single in their 30s, 40s and 50s, and older. The men wouldn't give them a chance.
It's sad because I know so many nice women who are still single in their 30s, 40s and 50s, and older. The men wouldn't give them a chance.
I do, too. This is more common than people think. But don't post this on the Relationships forum, or you'll get quite a few guys posting that women don't have to make any effort to date, because they have guys lined up every day, competing to ask them out. Or they'll say that if they're still single, it's because they want to be, or they're too picky.
That's just what I was thinking. Some people need to have their adrenalin stimulated in order to feel alive, and find good, down-to-earth, kind and smart types boring. Then they wonder why they always end up with high-maintenance or high -drama types. No wonder those poor guys are limping around all the time, for all the bullet holes they've shot into their foot.
This carries over into the work world, I've found, too. Some people require a big sales pitch in order to be convinced that a product or program or potential business parter or organization is worth getting involved with. Then, down the road, when things go wrong, or hidden agendas come out, people wonder why their partnerships keep blowing up in their face, or why situations take an unexpected turn. By valuing flash, they chronically open themselves to con artists.
smart types boring ???
I like a lady who can challenge me in a game of scrabble... or chess
Myself, I find a person's personality is what makes that person attractive. A super good looking guy can turn into a very ugly person, if their personality is shallow and think that the world owes them something.
As an ugly duckling growing up, and being teased unmercifully as a child/teen, I tend to look beyond the physical to find what is inside the person.
Granted, on first impressions and in the job market.... Yes, I would say attractiveness helps. Only at first. If the person cannot do the job or is incompetent then that attractiveness will not help them keep the job or even get the job.
It may open the door, it doesn't guarantee that the door stays open.
There are so many unattractive people who would love a life of opened doors.
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Or they'll say that if they're still single, it's because they want to be, or they're too picky.
