Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
In my experience, the native Chinese ( not Chinese Americans ) are the rudest people on the planet.
The Chinese govt. even put out public service announcements about Chinese people not minding their manners when overseas. It's cultural.
It is to the OP's credit that he or she wants to correct this deficit in manners and sensitivity.
Rude is making others uncomfortable, or inconveniencing them because you put your desires first, or blurted out the first thing on your mind because you felt entitled to do so. Don't do that.
I have been thinking a lot lately. I had an argument with an American friend (now former) of mine and I am Chinese from Hong Kong. I think our friendship has been decimated. We had a particularly nasty exchange this weekend so I am assuming the friendship is destroyed. She had mentioned that I said some things that one should never say. I told her, this is a fairly ordinary argument to me. In Chinese culture, we can sometimes say things that may cause hurt in an argument but the context comes from the heat of the moment.
Why would you ever have such an argument with a good friend in the first place? In the US, that would never occur. That's pretty much the meaning of friendship.
Attacking someone personally, such as calling them a hateful name or attacking their character, is very corrosive. Discussing a circumstance or a behavior that was hurtful and why it was hurtful is not out of bounds.
Fighting fair is a skill few people learn, in my experience.
In my opinion there are almost NO things that you cannot say. The real issue is HOW you say them.
If you want to try to keep the friendship, repeat, as you did, that this would be ordinary in your culture, and you apologize if the difference in culture made it offensive to her.
I will also add, many Americans seem to have become very touchy, overly sensitive, in recent years, and react badly to anything negative. So sometimes if you say something it would need to be said gently or in a roundabout way.
Why would you ever have such an argument with a good friend in the first place? In the US, that would never occur. That's pretty much the meaning of friendship.
Really? I think you may have led a more sheltered life that a lot of us have.
First of all, I advise you to not share what was said. Some would read it and then judge you. You do not need that.
If it were me (and I've been in your shoes before), I would get in contact with your "ex" friend to talk about it. Your friend may be nursing the hurt right now. But not necessarily not wanting to be your friend. A note of apology (only if you think it is required) or a note of explanation would be a good thing to do. Let your friend know you still care. That you don't want to lose the friendship. It will not happen over-night, but try it. You could be nicely surprised.
Here's something that puts a damper on a friendship: "I'm gonna steal that man from you!"
Or anything drawing friend's husband's attention to your sexy self.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
