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Sorry I may have confused you - there are 2 different friends - the one I had for 19 years and then the other friend. When I was in Charlotte, the first time - we had a lot of fun together - we did things, she planned things, and after I moved away for 4 years we still kept in touch - not like before but there was communication. Over the last 5-6 months things are different. I have started doing things without her and with other friends - she's commented that she'd wished I'd included her in a trip to the Christmas show, but I felt she'd come up with an excuse. I have to look at why I seem to latch on to this type of friend.
Oh OK, I thought it might be two different people but wasn't sure from your comments.
Well I would say to her "well the reason you weren't included but due to past experiences(and you give an example) didn't think you would want to". Actions speak louder than words, so you tell based on her past behavior you didn't think she would follow through.
Sounds like you have other people to socialize with, so stick with them.
Friendship is a two way street, it's utter nonsense that just because someone is married they have to be joined at the hip, exception being their spouse is ill or I could understand a mother with young children, other than that it's just an excuse to not want to be bothered.
What you are describing... people not interested in you unless you do all the calling and planning.... is NOT friendship to me.
Agree with this.
She loved to hang with you when her husband was gone, but now she only has time for him.
There is no need to be bitter. Sometimes friendships pick back up after a while. Find other friends, and keep her on your Christmas card list. But I would not expect the same level of interaction as long as she is married.
Like, last time, you picked a married friend and you are single. Obviously she will put time with her husband before time with you. It not a reflection on you, it's just normal. Find some friends who are single, and want a pal to bum around with.
The same thing happens a lot with childless couples vs friends with kids. You just need to find friends in the same stage of life as you.
Friendships, like any relationship, are only as good as what each person is willing to put into it.
This is a really good point!
We have been friends with one couple for seven years. We have done a lot together over those years, mostly taking turns going to each other's houses to have snacks/dessert and play cards. Sometimes out to dinner or a concert, most of which I have planned. They have had illnesses and accidents, and we have done things for them in these instances--flowers, visits, calls and gifts. However, recently DH had complete knee replacement surgery and has had a month long recuperation. They called only once and never came by to see him (we live close by) nor brought him anything at all. We were so surprised at their lack of concern.
I'm wondering if the friendship, after 7 years, has "run its course" and is not important to them anymore. It is very strange, since we thought they were our best friends here in this town. They always seemed like they really cared about us, as well. Do friendships "expire"?
Oh this is so sad to hear. Some friendships do expire, people grow tired of each other - the excitement wears off - just like having a spouse. I can't help but think when we're young, friendships are "forever" and boyfriends/girlfriends come and go, and when we're older, our spouse is "forever" and the friendships come and go. But I am having a hard time comprehending why I can't find "forever" couple friends as you thought you had found.
Perhaps this couple started hanging out with other friends, or something's going on in their life keeping them busy, it's no excuse but I think you should ask politely if everything is OK (however you want to word it). If she feels the friendship is fading and doesn't care, she'll probably say everything's fine and you'll just have to deal with this. I would suggest planning something you know either she or both of them gets excited about...and see if the same excitement is still there. You can say "I miss you" and see what she says.
Thank you to the OP for posting this thread. I was about to post something similar but I will refrain now and just try to figure out how my husband and I can find more friends. A lot of these answers have been helpful. There is a website called CouplesList but I guess there's hardly anyone from my area in it.
Just stop calling. She only has time for you when she doesn't have anything else going on.
I agree with this response. Why do anything, the friendship is essentially only on her terms, just do not be available next time to her. And, if you can decide that she is worth the fun you have when she is available, learn to accept it when she isn't.
Friendships should flow, not be work. I have a buddy from 9th grade I only talk to over text. Sometimes he doesn't reply, sometimes he does. Doesn't bug me, he has his life and I have mine. When we do see each other, which is rarely since I live 350 miles away, we resume business as usual. No biggie.
That is how friendships should be.
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