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Well than you should have entitled your threat "I'm Alone on the Holidays and that's exactly the way I want it", and that's just fine. Nothing wrong with that.
But you didn't do that.
You were looking for people to question it, than got a chip on your shoulder about it.
Most of the people who asked why you were going to alone, weren't gloating, just asking how this happened.
Who sez the OP was "looking for people to question it"? This thread is about being alone on the holidays, and how to cope with that in positive ways. No one who is in that position and who has posted here has asked for ANYONE to "question it", or to declare that they have chips on their shoulders.
I also question why you are posting here, since you seem to want judge and engage in negative debate with others who are here for mutual positive suggestions and support.
Is it worth the waiting for
If we live till 84
All we ever get is gruel
Every day we say a prayer
Will they change the bill of fare
Still we get the same old gruel
There's not a crust not a crumb
Can we find can we beg can we borrow or cadge
But there's nothing to stop us from getting a thrill
When we all close our eyes and imagine:
Thanksgiving!
OP, understand that you posted this thread for commiseration. And some people are annoyed by this sort of stuff. We all have negative people in our lives and we may be reacting to having to deal with them repeatedly.
So why engage in discussion with others who are here for support and encouragement, if you are "annoyed" or consider us similar to those "negative people" in your life? Hint: if you don't engage here, you won't have to "react". But since you are posting rather heavily as well as critically here, I have to wonder what you are getting out of it and what sort of a person you must be.
See?? Being judgmental can cut both ways. Feels a little different when the shoe is on the other foot, doesn't it?
I disagree that this thread is for commiseration - it's for sharing ideas about what does and does not work when spending memory-laden major holidays alone rather than with family or friends. Some of the stories may sound sad - but that's just the way it is, and I don't see anyone seeking to "commiserate" here. Express empathy and understanding and offer positive suggestions, yes. Plenty of that, thankfully.
Your take - and viewpoint - may differ.
It turns out I won't be alone at Christmas after all this year, for which I am rejoicing. But I still remember how difficult it was, when I was alone - and sick with the flu - two years ago, and I would never judge anyone else who has experienced something similar.
Before learning that I would not be alone this year, I made plans for a "private Christmas", just in case. Those plans included a tree, decorations, a good meal, presents, long-distance phone calls, beautiful music, church services, a fire in the fireplace, and more. I planned to take good care of myself that day and to indulge myself a little. Two pieces of chocolate? Why not? Pecan pie for breakfast? Fine!
In fact, although I will not be alone, I will include some of those things on Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas to you all, whether alone or with others. Do not let anything or anyone steal or damage the joy of this season, bittersweet though it may be for many of us. Although my circumstances have changed as of today, and I will no longer be alone, I, too, will have a few wistful moments, remembering Christmases Past that can never return, and I will do what I can to honor the memories of those who shared those Christmases.
My town had a community Thanksgiving at the community center & I was going to go but, even though it's been close to a year since my son died, I am still not ready for holidays.
I had an enjoyable day by myself, didn't do anything special but like being by myself. I did finish a book I've been reading & made myself a nice dinner. That's about it.
I don't know if I'll do anything for Christmas or not.
To the people who keep saying, "Why don't you just----?"
I've done everything you've suggested, and not just on holidays. I've invited people over; usually, they simply don't show up. When confronted about it, they shrug it off like it's no big deal. Or they eat and run. Someone who shows up, makes conversation, and then returns the invitation is a rare bird.
For me, spending Thanksgiving or Christmas with a group of strangers would be lonelier than spending it on my own.
Agreed! One year I invited a single friend over for Thanksgiving who lived 45 minutes away. She didn't mind the drive; she just wanted to be with someone else and would have been alone if not for my invitation. But she called an hour before she was due to arrive, saying her daughter (who was studying abroad) would be calling her soon and she'd be an hour late! No apologies. And the dinner had already been timed---it wasn't easy to delay it. I understand that she would like to talk to her daughter---but there were other hours in the day or the day before or after.
One year I asked a neighbor over who had nowhere to go. He said he would get back to me---was checking other options. He obviously found something better!
And I so agree that just being with strangers, even those in the same boat, "Thanksgiving orphans," does not necessarily make for smooth sailing! I have found that some of those alone are still nursing some negative feelings about the situation---instead of being grateful to be with others and trying to make the best of it, there was more of "I'm mad at the world vibe" or "I'm just here not to be alone, but I basically have no interest in connecting with you much here today or in the future." This happened at numerous Meetup dinners for Thanksgiving orphans! I stopped attending, but I saw on one of them where someone hosted in her private home, only 3 of 40 people thanked her online. (People wouldn't know her phone number or e-mail, so posting on Meetup is the only way they could thank her.) Here this woman "rescued" them from being alone on a day that's supposed to be about gratitude, so what is wrong with this picture? Yes, I am sure many thanked her as they left, but when someone opens her home to strangers, I think a follow-up thank you could be nice.
I'll go even one step beyond being with strangers. I got a couple invites to my neighbor's family Christmas. I very much appreciated it and went---but truly, since I wasn't part of the family, it was kind of meaningless for me to sit around and try to chat up people who had no real interest in me. And it just devolved into the guys watching TV and the women taking care of the babies---not putting it down for them as it is their celebration, but here I was in the promised land of a family Christmas, only it wasn't my family or holiday, so it really wasn't enjoyable for me in any way...and made me feel lonelier than I would have been at home not celebrating Christmas at all.
My 87-year-old mother is also alone. She's in a wheelchair and in assisted living because she can't take care of herself. I recently started a job and don't have vacation time. We can't just pick up and see each other.
Considering your name, I'm not sure if you're familiar with Thanksgiving in America. Almost everything is closed. Animal shelters, blood banks, nonprofits, everything but soup kitchens--closed. Even if they weren't, it's not a day traditionally spent with a bunch of strangers. I hardly think I'm unusual for not wanting to spend the day that way. As for my neighbors, again, I do know them and they have their own families they're spending the day with. I'm not about to crash their dinner. If I knew a nice person with no plans I'd invite them. But what am I supposed to do if I don't meet such a person in the normal course of my life--advertise on Craigslist?
I'm all for helping yourself, but not every problem has a solution. If this concept bothers some people so much, the reason for their being on this thread is unclear unless they're here to heckle people.
I live in CA, although there are a few people here who now want the state to secede from the Union, it's part of America.
Did you move to a new city to start this new job? It doesn't sound like you did. You don't have one friend who thought to invite you? I'm not trying to be mean, I wonder how there isn't someone who could have included you.
I took care of my parents so I know what that's like. But if you had Thanksgiving off, and probably the next day as well. Unless you just moved and changed jobs, I don't see what starting a new job has to do with it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CraigCreek
Who sez the OP was "looking for people to question it"? This thread is about being alone on the holidays, and how to cope with that in positive ways. No one who is in that position and who has posted here has asked for ANYONE to "question it", or to declare that they have chips on their shoulders.
I also question why you are posting here, since you seem to want judge and engage in negative debate with others who are here for mutual positive suggestions and support.
Actually I responded back to you earlier because you wanted a positive comment. I mentioned volunteer work and how a group I volunteer with had a member who is a recent widow and her daughter lives far away. She mentioned she would be alone on Thanksgiving and another woman said "no, you're coming to my house".
I gave that as example, you ignored it and than I got "I'm supposed to go volunteer on Thanksgiving"...sigh. I never said that, I said volunteering is great way to meet people who are interested in the same thing you are.
The posts I found annoying are those who say if you're alone on a holiday, you are somehow responsible for doing volunteer work that day. Well, so could the non-alone people. They could even take their family with them and all go down to the soup kitchen and volunteer on thanksgiving.
I have nothing against volunteer work. I just don't think only "certain" people should be told to do it and everyone else gets a free pass.
While I appreciate that I was asked at the last minute to join my niece's family, I respectfully declined. So, yes, I chose to be alone.
Why? Because I felt I was imposing. And because I had chores lined up to do that I haven't been able to get to while dealing with estate issues. After being at work in a cubicle listening to silly conversations, having time away from other humans didn't seem all that awful.
It is a four-day weekend for me. It's tough, missing MG, but I hung pictures yesterday, and I trimmed some shrubs this afternoon. I look forward to starting another book this evening.
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Agreed.
