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How do you deal with snide comments, insults disguised as a joke, and general undermining behaviour sometimes in front a group or sometimes alone. Outwardly acting friendly but they have a problem with you. Do you find that people just cannot express their aggression in an upfront way. When you try to talk to them they clam up and won't discuss the issue, explode with anger with an argument and try to accuse you of being aggressive.
How do you handle this. Have you ever taken the person away into room by themselves and actually worked out your problems together? Has anyone ever successfully dealt with this type of situation? Why do so many people behave like this?
Virtually none of what you describe is passive-aggressive behavior. And I don't think you want people expressing their anger in an upfront way in work or social situations. Just because I don't like you doesn't mean I'm going to rage at you in front of other people. If I'm expected to maintain group cohesion, that's what I'll do even if I'd rather stab you in the thigh with my lunch spork.
Virtually none of what you describe is passive-aggressive behavior. And I don't think you want people expressing their anger in an upfront way in work or social situations. Just because I don't like you doesn't mean I'm going to rage at you in front of other people. If I'm expected to maintain group cohesion, that's what I'll do even if I'd rather stab you in the thigh with my lunch spork.
Passive aggressive is maybe not the correct term. The question is how do you deal with this in other people when hurtful, snide comments are aimed at you?
Their aim is to make you feel inferior and to goad you into losing your cool in front of others. I would just kind of laugh it off like a joke or say "why would you say that"?
Passive aggressive is maybe not the correct term. The question is how do you deal with this in other people when hurtful, snide comments are aimed at you?
I ignore them and refuse to engage them. It's calm and peaceful for me and best of all, it drives them crazy.
Passive aggressive is maybe not the correct term. The question is how do you deal with this in other people when hurtful, snide comments are aimed at you?
Each person has their own method. When it comes to people trying to undermine my work product or work situation, I take whatever protective measures I can such as careful documentation, consulting with superiors or HR if necessary, etc. As for the social aspect, I just do my best to get along with people I have no choice but to interact with even if I know they hate my guts. That usually produces a more satisfactory outcome than retaliation/escalation.
Passive aggressive is maybe not the correct term. The question is how do you deal with this in other people when hurtful, snide comments are aimed at you?
I don't expose myself to them unless absolutely necessary.
How do you deal with snide comments, insults disguised as a joke, and general undermining behaviour sometimes in front a group or sometimes alone.
...
Has anyone ever successfully dealt with this type of situation? Why do so many people behave like this?
The best way to nip this in the bud is to confront them right after a snide comment when in a group.
"Look, you've made it obvious that you don't care for me for whatever reason. To that end, keep your comments to yourself, and in return, I'll ignore you appropriately in the future."
I don't expose myself to them unless absolutely necessary.
Socially, yep. In the workplace, it's often different. In my experience, it's usually the incompetent people who behave this way. If the place is riddled with them, you have no real choice but to find somewhere else to work. If it's just one or two of them, you arrange things so you limit your exposure.
Yeah, people don't do that to me. I'll cut someone a LITTLE slack in case they're just stupid, but if someone is consistently rude to me, I tell them to their face I don't appreciate it. HOW I tell them is guided but just exactly what they are doing and how they do it.
And then I don't associate with them any more. If they are a coworker, tough beans. I don't deal with jackasses. They'll get work interactions only when required by the job, otherwise - cut them off cold. I only deal with grownups.
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