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My mom used to tell the same stories of her growing up every so often as if she had never told them before. And I listened and asked questions as if I hadn't heard them before (because they were important to her). I did do the internal eye roll and, to myself,"Here we go again." I thought all those stories were indelibly engraved on my brain. When she developed dementia, I used the remembrances to try keep that early part of her life alive.
I always had an interest in family history and ancestors. I asked questions from about the time I knew there was such a thing. My mom had little interest or awareness of anything beyond her own immediate family whom she loved. It frustrated me she didn't recall much of her family lore. I thought, "I'M going to remember everything!" I intended to record her stories on tape or in writing. But, I didn't. Now in my late 60's and more than a decade after my mom's entry into dementia in 2003 and then her passing in 2009, I have forgotten the details of those stories and some of them altogether. What I wouldn't give to hear her tell them again. And, there wouldn't be any internal eye roll.
It amazed me that my younger brother, by 8 1/2 yrs., had a better memory of our younger years than I did. After he started kindergarten, I mostly remember him as a mischievous blur running in and out of the house on the way to visit with his friends. So, how could he recall more than I, the older, more responsible and attentive one? Yet he did. In our later adult life, he triggered so many memories of things that I would never have otherwise recalled. We didn't remember them the exact same way, but it was good to have someone that history was shared with. I was the forward looking one. He was the nostalgic one. Now, I've found myself having more spontaneous memories in this later, more relaxed chapter of my life. And repeating my stories.
Would love to sit at the family table again. Eat mom's great cooking, laugh and reminisce. Still don't think I could solve all Dad's brainteasers.
Last edited by mollyblythe; 03-13-2017 at 07:48 PM..
I would always be the inquisitive one and picked up a lot of family history... after college I set out on a month long trip and tracked down all my relations that I knew about... it was really a good time and the older people were thrilled to share family history...
Sadly... no one in my generation or the younger generation has any interest... so I can see it all going away.
Have found memories of both sets of Grandparents and spending a summer on my Grandparents farm at age 4 and 10 are vivid memories... they still did things the old way... never owned a TV and only a phone very late in life... they had a picture postcard 40 acre farm and lived very much as the generations before... all the comforts but little outside stress... never owned a car... in Grandpas youthful days he had a motorcycle and later it was the tractor for essentials...
Mom is the last and having memory problems... sometimes in 5 minutes I will get the same question 5 times... she still knows it when I repeat the same answer... but the decline is ramping up...
I imagine all the family stuff will just get disposed of after me...
My father died in 03 and my mother in 04. They were both Diabetics and Pancreatic Cancer, and Kidney failure took their lifes. I miss them every day. They had been married 54 years. I don't think my Mom wanted to live after my Dad's death. That and her health seem to deteriorate so quickly upon his death. We become orphans when both parents are gone.
My biological father ...And his side of the family is a blur. I've no desire to learn too much of his life. He showed indifference to his female offspring. So why go there ...
My mother's death has continued to be my cross to bare... There were so very many precious moments. Yet no one to share those distinct incidents with. It's lonely...
When she passed four years ago...I realized...My generation of kin were onboard for our own mortality to be next... So I talk to my one aunt...And she talks of our family history. And some antics of kin! It's sometimes hilarious...And sometimes a bit disheartening...My great grandma lost so many children...Birthed 12 and buried 4...How sad for her....
I recently attended my granddaughter's birthday...And realized how I have faded...Placed in a corner...Not really welcomed into the younger generations follies....Just a title ...To show up. Then out of no where my eldest son tells a tale of a diner we used to visit. He shares the funny story...And I am once again reminded that we share important things in our own way...And if that's what brought him a good memory...Then I was blessed...
Today would have been my dad's 88th birthday. As I said in a previous post, we lost him in '09 and it was difficult for us for some time. I have a few of his belongings and think of him and my mom often. My dad was always there when I needed him - and even when I didn't, still he was there.
I say this with no hesitation: my dad was my hero!
I am lucky because my mom and dad both had family photographs dating back to the 1880's. These prompted me to ask lots of questions re family history while my parents' and grandparents' generation was still young. One aunt who was 21 years older than my mom was especially knowledgeable and had many funny stories (probably embellished, but basically true).
That said, I miss them all and have a new appreciation of them now that I find myself the family matriarch.
I am lucky because my mom and dad both had family photographs dating back to the 1880's. These prompted me to ask lots of questions re family history while my parents' and grandparents' generation was still young. One aunt who was 21 years older than my mom was especially knowledgeable and had many funny stories (probably embellished, but basically true).
That said, I miss them all and have a new appreciation of them now that I find myself the family matriarch.
That's cool and I think that might make the difference. I never knew any of my family before my grandparents. Heck my one grandmother came from a family with 13 kids and she never talked about any of them. And my other grandparents I never knew anything about their families. Maybe that is why I don't feel the need to go back.
That's cool and I think that might make the difference. I never knew any of my family before my grandparents. Heck my one grandmother came from a family with 13 kids and she never talked about any of them. And my other grandparents I never knew anything about their families. Maybe that is why I don't feel the need to go back.
Well some of the family stories I heard were not so funny but actually included meanness and selfishness. Maybe your grandmother had too much of that in her history. What ever family history is, we all have to make our own lives.
Apropos of nothing, maybe. But I was bitten by a rattlesnake 53 years ago when I was 10 years old. I really don't retain any real (visual/emotional) memories from that incident. I think what I remember is the "story" of the re-telling of the event, if you know what I mean. I don't really remember the 340 needle marks from being injected with anti-venom all over my body, I remember it as a component to the story of 'being bit by a rattlesnake'. I know it happened because I still have the newspaper article about the event. A traumatic event to be sure which I can recite in detail but it is just a story I tell, not really a memory per se.
After my mom passed I found tons of old photographs. There was a couple I could recognize but most of them were strangers. There are some that are even on tin. I wish I knew who they were. I have them all in a photo album but I don't know which side of the family they are from. I have a photo of my Great Grandfather in a group photo of the Chicago PD from the late 1800's or early 1900's but I have no clue which one is him. I do have his well worn night sticks. One is quite beautiful. He raised my mother after her mother died at a young age. Another important fact I don't know about. I only know it was cancer. My mother didn't know what kind it was either. She died of cancer as well. It was breast cancer, that's about all I know of my medical history. I wish I knew more but that gene pool ends with me.
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