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This situation has brought me a lot of anxiety at work and I also didn't get the reason why these things have happened. Please shed some light on it if you can.
I have this male coworker (younger than me, so I expected some form of respect) that i had to work with closely for a while. He, at first, said that I made him better at his job with my professional experience and approach, which was polite of him. Then he got very competitive, he would always want to do what i was doing, unfriendly, quite rude. Still, because I am older, and (supposedly) wiser, I treated him professionally. Because I had met his girlfriend some time before, I also had the opportunity to offer her an amazing job, better pay and hours, you name it. After this favor, he became even more rude, ignoring me, not making eye contact, taking the other door when I was there..you name it. This went on for a very long time until one day I decided to confront him and tell him that this behaviour was unprofessional. I asked him why he was behaving this way, to which he answered that I was the one who started being cold to him. I don't remember being cold, though, we just stopped working together after a while.
He would join my conversations with other coworkers to ignore me on purpose and other unecessary things.
What's your take on this? Thank you
It's hard to divine someone's issues, whom we don't know. I think the bit about you making him better at his job was just a line. It doesn't sound genuine; he sounds like he could be a guy used to schmoozing people, manipulating them. Some people just have a chip on their shoulder; they want to be the one who shines and gets accolades, and he couldn't do that with you around, since he's new, you have more experience and rank, etc.
That doesn't explain the rudeness; maybe it's just immaturity, and he's miffed because he can't claim center stage (not that you do, but he may feel that you're in his way). I would chalk it up to young male ego, and his inability to swallow being under, or sharing an office with, female authority.
I'm drawing on experience with a couple of individuals I've encountered in life, as I try to interpret your situation. Are you a supervisor? Or on you on good terms with a supervisor? I think at this point, the behavior has continued long enough, and is egregious enough, that you should mention it. Someone should bring it up in his performance evaluation. It really is inappropriate.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 05-08-2017 at 04:48 PM..
He's a co worker, you're not his superior. He's not doing anything thats really out of line. He doesnt have to like you. If he's acting like a jerk, oh well.
He's a co worker, you're not his superior. He's not doing anything thats really out of line. He doesnt have to like you. If he's acting like a jerk, oh well.
Why not just ignore him and do your job?
You are absolutely right. I've been doing this for a while. The problem is that it's too blatant and in my face, on purpose and in a very passive aggressive way, so it makes it quite difficult to ignore.
This situation has brought me a lot of anxiety at work and I also didn't get the reason why these things have happened. Please shed some light on it if you can.
I have this male coworker (younger than me, so I expected some form of respect) that i had to work with closely for a while. He, at first, said that I made him better at his job with my professional experience and approach, which was polite of him. Then he got very competitive, he would always want to do what i was doing, unfriendly, quite rude. Still, because I am older, and (supposedly) wiser, I treated him professionally. Because I had met his girlfriend some time before, I also had the opportunity to offer her an amazing job, better pay and hours, you name it. After this favor, he became even more rude, ignoring me, not making eye contact, taking the other door when I was there..you name it. This went on for a very long time until one day I decided to confront him and tell him that this behaviour was unprofessional. I asked him why he was behaving this way, to which he answered that I was the one who started being cold to him. I don't remember being cold, though, we just stopped working together after a while.
He would join my conversations with other coworkers to ignore me on purpose and other unecessary things.
What's your take on this? Thank you
It really doesn't matter why. You were smart to ask him directly, and lucky that he gave you an answer.
What you should have done would have been to say: "I'm so sorry you felt I was cold to you. Was it something in particular that I said or did? Please tell me. And then let's start over."
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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If this is behavior that others would notice and wonder about, you really can't ignore it. I think you should talk to him privately, and ask if he wants to get HR involved to mediate the problem. He sounds like a twit. Really. To join in conversations with co-workers and blatantly ignore you is just . . . what a twit.
From what you've described, sounds like narcissistic behavior.
Read some online blogs about narcissistic abuse and see if you spot any patterns.
Be careful. Narcissist's take advantage of kindness and dis-respect understanding and compassion.
Learn to protect yourself. Go grey-rock if you have to. (look it up)
Take good care and good luck.
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if you can. 
