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I'm 31 and mainly grew up around my mother's parents. They watched me after school, came to the ball games, graduations, etc. My dad's dad was a nasty alcoholic (over a dozen DUIs) and has numerous felonies. His mom does not drink, but is a mean, belligerent person with a nasty streak who would drive anyone into alcoholism. I was never close with dad's parents growing up. Anytime you went over there, you were at risk of being dragged into one of their fights, or him being passed out drunk and unable to engage with anyone.
Grandfather had a heart attack at 75 back in 2010 and went through full blown alcohol detox while recovering from the heart attack. He lived and is doing fairly well now at 82 - still runs his own business, gets around fine, and drives. He can be a bit "ornery," but is a nice, helpful guy when sober. He hasn't had a drink in seven years.
Grandmother has begun showing signs of dementia in recent years, repeating the same stories over and over, mixing up names (never did get my name right yesterday - there are only three grandsons), but is lucid some days.
I was over there the weekend before Memorial Day and went over yesterday to see him for Father's Day. She asked me if it would be "another year" before I came over or called again. I moved back to Tennessee last year after living in the Midwest for five years, and she said she'd "personally whip my ass" if I move back off again, with as serious of an expression as you can have. I do not even like living in this area that much, and don't intend to be here when I'm 35. She prattled on about jobs she had fifty years ago in Florida, kept demanding I eat a "hamburger" with them (nothing was cooking), and kept trying to make me eat these Little Debbie cakes until I had to raise my voice saying no.
I know that there is some level of cognitive impairment going on, but yesterday really rubbed me the wrong way. I get over there about once a month. I was never close to them growing up. You'd seldom get a birthday card or call - if you did, it was often addressed to the wrong person, sent at the wrong time, or both. They were poor parents to my dad and his siblings.
I don't dislike them, but there was never much attachment there. It seems like, now that she's old and in some level of decline, that she's trying to make amends on one hand, but her belligerent personality and dementia are getting in the way. How would you deal with her?
Grandmother has begun showing signs of dementia in recent years, repeating the same stories over and over, mixing up names (never did get my name right yesterday - there are only three grandsons), but is lucid some days.
I was over there the weekend before Memorial Day and went over yesterday to see him for Father's Day. She asked me if it would be "another year" before I came over or called again. I moved back to Tennessee last year after living in the Midwest for five years, and she said she'd "personally whip my ass" if I move back off again, with as serious of an expression as you can have. I do not even like living in this area that much, and don't intend to be here when I'm 35. She prattled on about jobs she had fifty years ago in Florida, kept demanding I eat a "hamburger" with them (nothing was cooking), and kept trying to make me eat these Little Debbie cakes until I had to raise my voice saying no.
I know that there is some level of cognitive impairment going on, but yesterday really rubbed me the wrong way. I get over there about once a month. I was never close to them growing up. You'd seldom get a birthday card or call - if you did, it was often addressed to the wrong person, sent at the wrong time, or both. They were poor parents to my dad and his siblings.
I don't dislike them, but there was never much attachment there. It seems like, now that she's old and in some level of decline, that she's trying to make amends on one hand, but her belligerent personality and dementia are getting in the way. How would you deal with her?
Dementia causes personality changes, impaired reasoning, loss of memory, etc. I would empathize with that, and humor her. My grandmother had dementia, it was heartbreaking to watch her decline and for the last several years of her life, she didn't know me.
The next time she "rubs you the wrong way", have some compassion.
Just because someone is elderly it does not justify them being mean to others. So I would limit contact with such a person.
This or rock her fake teeth out of her mouth.
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