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I'm totally guilty of this. When I say it to people, it means I'm totally open to getting together and have enjoyed our time thus far. The lack of a definite event or time means I'm either not sure what a next good event would be or I'm not sure when my schedule will be open to tackle said commitment, but basically I want to let the other person know...I like you, I want you to know it....but I'm not sure when/what we'll actually be able to do something and I'm open to suggestions.
I have different friends I want to do different things with. Even something benign like a BBQ can change if it includes kids, is just adults, maybe is a couples thing. The group that may want to do opera and a restaurant varies from one that may want to do a bike ride or a poker night.
The other reality is that people are really busy. So the trick is to offer something up that's of interest, yet not do it so often as to be too time consuming. The other trick is finding time to plan all of this.
Which is all best summarized by saying...hey we should get together sometime. Which should act as a signal that, I'm interested in seeing you guys. Not sure if it's reciprocated, but I'm putting it out there. If you're saying yes, then I try and find a group in my circle where I think you'll have a good time....whenever that time may occur.
On the other hand, it does let you know right up front that this person is not worth bothering with in the future.
Sometimes when meeting new people it seems like a race to see who can reject who first. And don't kid yourself: The "we should get together sometime" ploy is rejection. Should you be gullible enough to accept it as interest on their part, they will always be too busy, no matter what date you name.
I seem to be getting burned out on the shallowness and conceit of people. We've met other couples who talked about nothing but themselves while we listened politely, then when they ran down they walked off without so much as a "Got any interesting plans for the summer?"
I've recently gotten reconnected with a friend from junior high, on Facebook. It's been at LEAST 20 years since we've actually seen each other. We are happy to be friends again, and catching up here and there, on Facebook.
We DO intend to actually meet up in person for lunch...but like someone else said, timing and priorities. I HAD thrown out a date once, but she had to babysit a grandchild...so other than that...things are nebulous.
I think we probably WILL have a lunch date at some point...I think we'd both enjoy it...but we're not top priorities to each other, and I work, etc.
When this has happened to me, I know that if we do eventually get together, it will probably be a one-time thing.
I continue to be pleasant, but see those people for just what they are, a superficial friend who isn't really interested in getting to know me better. And that's fine, not every acquaintance is meant to be a close friend. But, don't say things you don't mean.
Even though I'm retired, I'm busy, and my idea of getting together is meeting in the morning for coffee or breakfast. That way, my day isn't broken up.
I'm totally guilty of this. When I say it to people, it means I'm totally open to getting together and have enjoyed our time thus far. The lack of a definite event or time means I'm either not sure what a next good event would be or I'm not sure when my schedule will be open to tackle said commitment, but basically I want to let the other person know...I like you, I want you to know it....but I'm not sure when/what we'll actually be able to do something and I'm open to suggestions.
I have different friends I want to do different things with. Even something benign like a BBQ can change if it includes kids, is just adults, maybe is a couples thing. The group that may want to do opera and a restaurant varies from one that may want to do a bike ride or a poker night.
The other reality is that people are really busy. So the trick is to offer something up that's of interest, yet not do it so often as to be too time consuming. The other trick is finding time to plan all of this.
Which is all best summarized by saying...hey we should get together sometime. Which should act as a signal that, I'm interested in seeing you guys. Not sure if it's reciprocated, but I'm putting it out there. If you're saying yes, then I try and find a group in my circle where I think you'll have a good time....whenever that time may occur.
Valuable insights, thank you.
As far as your being guilty of this, yes you may say it... but when you do, you mean it! You're innocent of being disingenuous, and for me that's the heart of the matter. It's clear that you'd like some type of follow-through.
So silly! They're just being polite...or, it's their partner who has to finalize the arrangements and that never happens. Just brush it off - you're taking it too seriously and too personally. If you really want to get together give THEM a solid time and game-plan - then if they turn you down forget it and move on to other people to socialize with.
WHAT?! They're being the opposite of polite! HELLO! How is saying we should get together for a BBQ six different times and avoiding setting a date for that invitation and brushing a person off like lint on your shoulder POLITE?!
People can be jerks sometimes. Period. Whether they know it or they don't.
I wouldn't lose sleep over people like this. I'd pity them though for being so self abosorbed and having no regard for others' feelings.
Say what you mean and mean what you say. Follow through.
I was friends with this guy for a long time, we use to run across each other and have nice conversations, then we hadn't seen each other in awhile.
One evening we ran across each other while doing errands. We had a nice conversation and he said, " we should get together sometime" I replied, "Sometime"
He kinda stopped and looked at me and said, "you're right".
So, that night, we went out to dinner and had a really nice evening.
If someone doesn't really have any intentions of getting together with someone better to just say, "it was nice to see you"
Last edited by 70's Music Girl; 07-29-2017 at 10:10 PM..
"We'll Get Together Sometime" or "Let's Get Together Sometime" et al.
More often than not, those who say this will never get together with you. So why say it at all?
Examples:
Dropped-off/picked-up my preteen at a friend's house. Friend's father likes to chitchat and drops the line. "Our families have to get together sometime. We'll have you over for a barbecue." Sounds great! Not one interaction, not two... but six times! Hey, this guy must really want to get together; so not to be rude, I begin to try setting a date and time. "Sometime soon" is his reply. We keep this going another few times. Hey, I never asked for an invitation but if you keep telling me that one's forthcoming, by the eighth time either put up or shut up! So I pushed it. How about next Friday? No, how about Saturday? Nope? Okay. Now he doesn't talk anymore.
New neighbors. Soon learn they're my not-so-distant relatives! She likes to walk and there's a neighborhood walking club my spouse is a member of. So we invite the new neighbor to walk. "Too busy tomorrow but we'll get together sometime."
• Summer block party? — Similar reply.
• Neighborhood holiday cheer? — Ditto.
• Mutual relative's fiftieth anniversary barbecue. — "We'll stop by if we can. Otherwise, let's get together sometime!" Well, they couldn't and we didn't.
Hey, really... we're somewhat gregarious, have adequate friends/family, and don't beg either way; but WHAT'S WITH THEM??? If you never plan to get together, why say it and make yourself a liar?
Enlighten me City-Data friends! What am I missing?
People doing what people do.
You are almost at the stage that I entered, about 3 years ago. I have given up on most social interaction. It's not worth it, stress wise, time wise, etc. Can't force people to hang around, so stopped trying.
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