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I am considering relocating from Los Angeles to Austin, Texas... the reasons are many and this post is not about that. The one thing that concerns me is that I know virtually nobody there and I am in my early 40s. It would mean I would have to completely start from zero to build a social circle and gain new friends.
Has anyone else done this? Is it even possible to build new friendships from scratch in midlife? I see a lot of people establish their own circles in their 20s or early 30s at most.
I am considering relocating from Los Angeles to Austin, Texas... the reasons are many and this post is not about that. The one thing that concerns me is that I know virtually nobody there and I am in my early 40s. It would mean I would have to completely start from zero to build a social circle and gain new friends.
Has anyone else done this? Is it even possible to build new friendships from scratch in midlife? I see a lot of people establish their own circles in their 20s or early 30s at most.
I doubt it will be easy but...
I'm about your age, and I feel that I sort of have to start over anyway, since so many of the friendships I spent so many years cultivating in my 20s and 30s either
1) Have changed and drifted apart
2) Spend so much time with their families, kids and work, I virtually never see them anyway even though we are on solid terms, or they have moved away with their family.
I think the funny thing about it is that people who are older and have large, varied social networks will have less problem making new friends and those who have thin social networks will find it just as hard in new places.
And Austin would be a solid city to do such a thing.
I would say if you don't plan on having kids and just have a super network of friends that keep your calendar full, I would think hard about the move. I can't imagine that would be an easy thing to recreate at our age.
I am considering relocating from Los Angeles to Austin, Texas... the reasons are many and this post is not about that. The one thing that concerns me is that I know virtually nobody there and I am in my early 40s. It would mean I would have to completely start from zero to build a social circle and gain new friends.
Has anyone else done this? Is it even possible to build new friendships from scratch in midlife? I see a lot of people establish their own circles in their 20s or early 30s at most.
I've done it twice, once in my late 20's when I moved to Atlanta from West Palm Beach, Florida. I was born in Atlanta, but didn't grow up there. I considered it home, despite growing up in West Palm. So I moved there at 28 and I knew nobody except distant cousins and my parent's older friends, a couple who introduced them. Still, they were in their early 70's at that time. So essentially I knew nobody. It took me a couple of years, but it really didn't bother me and I eventually found my circle of friends. Fast forward 16 years and I did it again. By then I was divorced, unemployed, and had lost most of my friends in the divorce. So I needed a new start and moved to Oklahoma City for a great job. Its been MUCH harder for me to start over at this age in this town. After 4.5 years, I finally have a small circle of friends, but its just so different. This is not home for me and people here generally aren't open to make new friends. I don't particularly enjoy living here and hope to get back to Atlanta or a larger city, at least.
Having said all that, I think Austin is an excellent choice. I think my experience would have been totally different (better) in a city like that. I'd probably be remarried by now and have a larger circle of friends. At this age, if you're going to move and start over, I believe its better to do it in a larger city like Austin where its easier to meet people and make friends. I think you'll do great and I hope you do it. It is possible to do, it just requires more work at this age. But I think it can be done in Austin.
I've done it several times. Let's see: at least 4 times in my adult life. This last time, I did move back to a region where I'd lived before, and had two friends who lived in the area. But realistically, we rarely have time to see each other and I've forged ahead with new friends as well. I was in my 20s, 30s, and 40s for these moves. It's definitely work, but finding common interests and ways to connect with people really helps. I wouldn't hesitate to move somewhere new in another few years and make another social circle. Some of the people I've made friends with in previous states have remained friends with whom I'm very close. Others have faded after I left (although we do like to get together if I (rarely) visit).
I am considering relocating from Los Angeles to Austin, Texas... the reasons are many and this post is not about that. The one thing that concerns me is that I know virtually nobody there and I am in my early 40s. It would mean I would have to completely start from zero to build a social circle and gain new friends.
Has anyone else done this? Is it even possible to build new friendships from scratch in midlife? I see a lot of people establish their own circles in their 20s or early 30s at most.
I realize you are speaking as single person, but thousands of people move every year. We've moved several times, and have made friends in each state. It may take effort, but that effort can be as simple as a smile, a "hello", and a willingness to be open to every invitation that is forthcoming, even if you aren't sure its a friendship worth pursuing.
I am considering relocating from Los Angeles to Austin, Texas... the reasons are many and this post is not about that. The one thing that concerns me is that I know virtually nobody there and I am in my early 40s. It would mean I would have to completely start from zero to build a social circle and gain new friends.
Has anyone else done this? Is it even possible to build new friendships from scratch in midlife? I see a lot of people establish their own circles in their 20s or early 30s at most.
I would think long and hard about this. I'm in LA as well, but moved here while in my 20s after college, that was over 25 years ago. It was a different time when people were more open to new people, and of course you're younger. Moved up to Portland for two years at 40, found it quite difficult, and only formed one friendship(who was another CA transplant). I ended up moving back.
Moving to a new place where you don't know anybody and it sounds like you're single and without minor children puts you at major disadvantage. It would be different if you have school age children.
Let's face it's harder as we get older to form real frienships, add in today's society where people(and sometimes for good reason) are leery of new people, and many today walk around staring down at their phones, with earbuds in, makes it less likely to strike up conversations.
Because once you pick up and move, it's not so easy to "undo".
Have you visited Austin? In the warmer months? We're spoiled in Southern CA with moderate weather, and even when it gets hot not too humid. I was there one time in March and it was already hot and sticky. Maybe you like that kind of weather, I find it unbearable.
While it's not impossible to meet people, you have to think do I want to go through all this at this stage in the game. And if you find you made a mistake, do you have the means to reverse it?
I did this in my 40s. I moved from NYC, where I had lived for many years, and moved to New Hampshire. Quite a difference in lifestyle. I am also an introvert, so not naturally outgoing. However, I haven't had trouble meeting people. For me, it was about doing things you love. I had interests and activities and so I was able to meet like-minded people without too much trouble.
Meetup.com will have exactly what you're looking for.
That is absolutely not true. Didn't work for me in a small city, nor a big city like Atlanta. Its a nerd herd. Stay away from it! Join a sports league or take a class.
I would think long and hard about this. I'm in LA as well, but moved here while in my 20s after college, that was over 25 years ago. It was a different time when people were more open to new people, and of course you're younger. Moved up to Portland for two years at 40, found it quite difficult, and only formed one friendship(who was another CA transplant). I ended up moving back.
Moving to a new place where you don't know anybody and it sounds like you're single and without minor children puts you at major disadvantage. It would be different if you have school age children.
Let's face it's harder as we get older to form real frienships, add in today's society where people(and sometimes for good reason) are leery of new people, and many today walk around staring down at their phones, with earbuds in, makes it less likely to strike up conversations.
Because once you pick up and move, it's not so easy to "undo".
Have you visited Austin? In the warmer months? We're spoiled in Southern CA with moderate weather, and even when it gets hot not too humid. I was there one time in March and it was already hot and sticky. Maybe you like that kind of weather, I find it unbearable.
While it's not impossible to meet people, you have to think do I want to go through all this at this stage in the game. And if you find you made a mistake, do you have the means to reverse it?
Great advice. I agree. Its really hard. You will have to work at it much more than you would have, say 20 years ago. People no longer value friendships like they once did. Having said that, again, there are worse places to relocate to, such as where I moved. Difficult decision for sure.
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