Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
This may come as a surprise to some of you but there are many normal marriages that take place between Americans and foreigners. I know many and none have issues at all. What you are seeing here is when old loser hooks up with someone half his age, yeah that's not going to turn out well because obviously that will attract the kind of woman looking to take advantage of it... but this isn't a reason to assume that guys who marry foreign women are all losers or being fleeced. What difference would it make if this stepdad was hooking up with younger American women from a lower economic status? It happens all the time with similar results.
no one said otherwise.
Is is the age and league thing only and it would be the same problem if it was a young American gold digger.
Is there anything we can do to stop him? Has anyone ever had a similiar situation? I know my situation is very odd but I am very worried about my stepfather and what might happen to him.
Look, it's a fair arrangement. He's old and ugly (in the eyes of women half his age), but he possesses 2 very valuable assets - he's a US citizen and can bring them into the country legally and they will get a conditional green card immediately and a permanent one in 3 years and apply for citizenship as soon as their green card becomes permanent; and he has money to spare on them.
So, look at it through the prism of this arrangement and you'll understand why it lasted for 3 years with the ukrainian girl (he brought her into usa and gave proper documents) and did not work out with the philippinian girl (she did not need him there, but wanted to come to US). Either one would cheat on him if opportunity presents itself, but would try to cover her acts to avoid losing her legal status.
As long as your step father wants to have his ways with women and is sexually active, his only other option would be to go after prostitutes. So, there's nothing you can do to stop it - time and aging will, give it another 10-20 years What you can advise him to do would be to protect his money (if you really care about his money) and suggest him to sign a prenup agreement - that there will be no money claims from his new spouse (other than a small child support in case he fathers her child)... I don't know how a prenup is written, but can bet that most mail brides would accept it (since they still would get their legal status and that's what motivates them).
This may come as a surprise to some of you but there are many normal marriages that take place between Americans and foreigners. I know many and none have issues at all. What you are seeing here is when old loser hooks up with someone half his age, yeah that's not going to turn out well because obviously that will attract the kind of woman looking to take advantage of it... but this isn't a reason to assume that guys who marry foreign women are all losers or being fleeced. What difference would it make if this stepdad was hooking up with younger American women from a lower economic status? It happens all the time with similar results.
Did anyone say that? No, they didn't. They said the mail order bride business is highly prone to that, especially when older guys like the OP's step-dad are involved. Still, even when guys meet women from export-bride countries under seemingly legit circumstances, through their work abroad, they can end up being taken advantage of. OTOH, there definitely are guys who do find a wonderful wife in those countries, when the guys are living there more or less as ordinary citizens.
I have a buddy who's into Philippinas. He's overweight - arond 300lbs, but otherwise fairly nice guy with enough money (but little free time because he works a lot). He wants a compliant nice lady to run his house, take care of him, don't demand much attention, but enthusiastic about sex and well - if there's little love from her side, as long as she's doing her part, he'll let her have proper documents and support her. He's relatively young, and a nice guy, so I guess some philippina might really learn to love him and stick to him for longer than 2-3 years, but he won't be heartbroken if she moves on any time she likes. So far, no one managed to get into his pocket which is good for him
I have a buddy who's into Philippinas. He's overweight - arond 300lbs, but otherwise fairly nice guy with enough money (but little free time because he works a lot). He wants a compliant nice lady to run his house, take care of him, don't demand much attention, but enthusiastic about sex and well - if there's little love from her side, as long as she's doing her part, he'll let her have proper documents and support her. He's relatively young, and a nice guy, so I guess some philippina might really learn to love him and stick to him for longer than 2-3 years, but he won't be heartbroken if she moves on any time she likes. So far, no one managed to get into his pocket which is good for him
as long as he protects his assets and is realistic about it - sure, it is a smart business deal. And if she isn't pretty, he may have luck and she stays longer than she has to.
I used to work with a bunch of very nerdy young men and I was shocked there were several involved in these scams. Yes, the mail order bride will come to the US and treat her man perfectly for 2 years or until she gets her green card. Then it's time for the divorce. In the real world is there ANY romantic/legit reason why a 19yo girl would want a sixty something old man?
He could very well have dementia. In your place I would run away and let him deal with the mess to come. You can't fix it.
Thanks everyone for the responses. Here is some additional info to clear up some misunderstandings:
1. My stepfather was briefly going to a therapist after my mother's death, all paid for by my stepsister. It didn't last long because he wouldn't show up for sessions and my stepsister thought she was wasting her money.
2. My stepfather didn't marry his second "bride," my stepsiblings managed to talk him out of doing it at the last moment. However, he already paid for the plane tickets of his Filipina bride and her extended family, so they he went through the wedding ceremony anyways. They just didn't legally marry.
3. My stepfather does not have dementia but he does have diabetes and other health issues. Mentally, I think he is ok. He does have extreme mood swings sometimes and can be overly emotional as well.
I know my stepfather is an adult but hey if saw that your friend was about to make a terrible mistake wouldn't you try to talk them out of it :/?
I'm fully aware that Americans have functional marriages with non-Americans. I am addressing this type of dynamic where elderly or below market value men go overseas where their prospects have more aesthetically appealing features and are more receptive to those men in hopes of getting a green card which is still seen as a desirable thing to non-Americans (I don't know why the hell America is seen as desirable these days but that is for another thread and another day.)
This scenario is usually a single mom type from a poorer country looking to move here so she can find a better guy here after she arrives. I personally know a woman who did this and is still married to that "normal" guy she started dating about a year after arriving. Still going on 10 years later. It wasn't really the green card she cared about, it was finding a good husband which was impossible at home.
I use to work with a middle age guy who had a mail order bride in the Philippines. They supposedly had a couple of kids together but she and her kids lived in Philippines and he lived in the US. He went to visit a couple of times a year and sent a good chunk of money over there every month with the plan to retire there and live with them last I heard. Most people were skeptical that he was just being taken advantage of and the kids might not even be his (although they were clearly mixed but could be from another man). Either way, he was very happy
<>Thankfully, he shows no signs of dementia yet though.
Other tahn the bride thing, you mean?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
What you can advise him to do would be to protect his money (if you really care about his money) and suggest him to sign a prenup agreement - that there will be no money claims from his new spouse (other than a small child support in case he fathers her child)... I don't know how a prenup is written, but can bet that most mail brides would accept it (since they still would get their legal status and that's what motivates them).
