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You obviously haven't met any gay men who repressed themselves, got married, had kids, and got divorced when they finally admitted it to themselves. There are a ton of them out there.
You are trying to Over- inflate a very small number of mentally ill or very confused individuals who caused the death of their family over their self centered self gratification. You are talking about a small handful of people with a sex addiction. Addictions break up families, not the sex we are attracted to.
These people need to get their sex addiction under control. Just as a pedophile does, Just as a Philanderer does, because the death of a family is not something we need to celebrate.
As for needing to change, there is no reason why someone who is attracted to the same gender, or the opposite gender, needs to change. If they want to, of course it's more likely they will but there is nothing wrong with them. So there is no reason they need to go to counseling or a specialized doctor like a psychiatrist as if they have some mental issue. They don't.
People are people. Their sexual preference has nothing to do with being liked or disliked. Their personality does.
Some people are outgoing and easy to get along with, some are difficult to enjoy being around.
Sure, years ago, a gay person being "out of the closet" was a rare thing and people pointed fingers and whispered. Today, being gay is accepted as much as being non-gay. No one bats an eye if a person is gay unless they bring it on themselves.
What I'm saying is don't blame being gay on not liking yourself or being accepted in social circles. Maybe with the help of a therapist you can work on your personality and accepting yourself as a good person, and not worry about your sexual preference.
You are trying to Over- inflate a very small number of mentally ill or very confused individuals who caused the death of their family over their self centered self gratification. You are talking about a small handful of people with a sex addiction. Addictions break up families, not the sex we are attracted to.
These people need to get their sex addiction under control. Just as a pedophile does, Just as a Philanderer does, because the death of a family is not something we need to celebrate.
As for needing to change, there is no reason why someone who is attracted to the same gender, or the opposite gender, needs to change. If they want to, of course it's more likely they will but there is nothing wrong with them. So there is no reason they need to go to counseling or a specialized doctor like a psychiatrist as if they have some mental issue. They don't.
"If they want to [change] of course it's more likely they will".
WTF.
Gay or "bi" men married to women are not "mentally ill" LOL. It's been going on forever. And so has cheating on your spouse in straight marriages in case you haven't noticed.
But way-to-go arguing with your own argument. Logic says that if a gay man simply wanted to "change" so he could be HAPPILY MARRIED to his wife, then he just WOULD - according to you.
"These people".
AND....once again you conflate gay men with pedophiles.
I repeat: Gay people LOVE straight people lecturing and playing psychiatrist, social service expert and marriage counselor.
Gay friends? I don't label my friends per who they are attracted to. That is prejudice. Look it up. They are all just simply my friends. Man you are odd. Take those X rated glasses off!!! People are just people. Friends are just friends.
I have all kinds of friends. And...brace yourself lol...even friends I am so close with they've told me they are attracted to the same gender. Lightening didn't strike per your drama. Or your fantasies it did strike. No biggie. I didn't label them. I am not obsessed with their sexuality to label them per their sexual bents or attractions. I DO NOT need a Psychiatric manual designed for a practicing psychiatrist or Doctor to evaluate their psychic. Spare me. It's not my place nor my business to pry into such a private matter meant to be shared with someone else. And if shared with me, I prefer not to play arm-chair psychiatrist thank you. Nor study the orgins of something invisible. I could care less what man made philosophies are out there, or were out there, regarding attraction. I am their friend who is not above them in any way to judge. Or label them
Again, they are my friends. Not my gay friends. Not my straight friends. I have no tally kept to pin point their sexual attractions at that specific time in life. I am not interested in their sexual bents or attractions. We have a FRIENDSHIP
I place no emphasis on who anyone determines to be attracted to, who they marry or not marry, etc.. not my business. Who they find hot or not. Why would I?? "My gay friends" you've got to be kidding, who says that??? Someone you want to run from.
I don't call my other friends "My straight friends" if they are attracted to the opposite sex. I don't segregate people in my mind based on one aspect of their personhood.There is no way their personal & private sexual desires would be my business little lone the standard that I choose to label their person-hood by. That is sick. It is cruel.
My friends can be attracted to kitty cats, all different races, many people at once, or not attracted to anyone at all. it makes no difference. I set no standard they need to meet in order to call me friend. Or vice versa I hope. You need to see people as people, and keep the labels wholesome. Obsessing about their sexuality to the point of labeling them will cause them to make decisions that can kill them. You reduce them down from being a total person to just to their primitive desires.It isn't their personhood. They are not animals.
You are quite enmeshed in sexualizing others. Don't worry about sex regarding me or anyone else, worry about who you see in the mirror. Even sexualizing strangers who post on message boards are open game. Imagining they only befriend people based on their sexual attractions. Own your own X rated thoughts. They come from your mind. No one else's. My suggestion to you. Let this perversion go. Just. Let. It. Go. Enjoy life.
LOL you call ME "odd" and "obsessed" or some nonsense when I"m the one with the experience growing up defending and supporting a gay brother who could have gotten arrested just for his orientation and freedom of association. Yeah, ok. This IS a thread about a gay young person's self image, gayness, and adjunct issues. LIKE HIS FAMILY. DUH.
My brother had to live as you're suggesting. Hiding his true self. Being "private". Never picturing having his own family. Having to go to events with a beard. The list is endless.
PROTIP: Sexual orientation is a COMPONENT of people being able to fully and openly live their LIVES. Romance, marriage, parenthood, family/parent relationships, religious affiliations and support, school activities, and all the other components of publicly PARTICIPATING in humanity and American culture. It's not about just having "sex".
Your original position was YOUR definition of homophobia and being outraged that someone uses a different [broadly accepted] definition.
Now we jump to OUTING PEOPLE?
How did that happen? LOL
Actually, this outing thing goes back to homophobia. If you believe people experience full EQUALITY while openly gay without repercussions why do gay people need to even "worry" about it? Just having legal rights doesn't change hearts and minds. And fears and paranoias. Culture. It's taken awhile.
Now lecture me about EQUALITY when same sex partners are equally represented on TV. Will and Grace mainstreamed gay but didn't represent EQUALITY - it pointed that OUT. Or the main characters of popular theater shows "on Broadway". Movies. How many have been on Dancing With The Stars, for example? What about commercials? It's laughable, the hypocrisy.
I don't picture thousands of straight people running to see those movies or plays, arguably justifiably. Stephen King's "IT" generated opening numbers $123.1 million from 4,103 locations.
Versus a romantic comedy with Reese Witherspoon $9 million from 2,940 locations. Of course, that's because Hollywood idiots think America wants to see" a mother of two who unexpectedly has three young men come to live with her following a recent separation from her husband."
JSYK, the bolded is homophobia. ^^^
Your "people" should not have to keep their orientation "private" or be called a "sexual bent" and IMO your words subtly suggest they should.
Hmmmm...."The origins of something invisible"? "Man-made philosophy"? "judge them"?
Whoops. Now human sexual orientation is a man-made philosophy. Being gay or trans is something invisible. Do you claim other portions of human history were just "man made philosophies"? It's the HEROS OF HISTORY who your "friends" are grateful to.
Is this some religious thing with you? (and I'm not anti-religion). Is that why you're struggling with virtually wanting to IGNORE your "friends'" aspects of their lives like romance, marriage etc? Just FOCUSING on SEX?
Tolerance is not equality. Even if people are good a pretending they believe "people are just people" LOL
Last edited by runswithscissors; 09-27-2017 at 06:52 AM..
Are you young? Even if you weren't gay, you and your friends would morph and change and grow apart. It's the way life works.
Just be the best self you can be. Gravitate toward people who share your interests, I'm not talking sexual, but just in general. Our sexuality is really just a small part of our identities.
OP, as a straight male, I'll give you my perspective. Typically I don't care about what gay people do with their life in one way or another,as it has no effect on my taxes. But if the gay guy is effeminate in many ways, or if the girl is very butch, those 2 extremes sides may have people subconsciously avoiding you and just not dealing with you much.
Do you fall into that bracket, or are you the kind of gay guy who one does not even notice unless you bring it up?
He said that among 100 people at the party (of whom I would expect most were strangers), he was the only one who was "openly gay."
That to me says he was "acting gay" (whatever that means) or announcing it to all.
What's strange about the story is that OP is attributing to homophobia behavior that's actually due to anxiety and lack of self-esteem:
Quote:
Originally Posted by heythere999
I would classify myself as pretty extremely prude and I don't hit on ANYONE because I cringe at the thought of making anyone uncomfortable..
And still I just always feel uncomfortable and like an outcast
And my straight friends probably feel like keeping me in their life involves extra effort because being gay isn't "normal"
Quote:
Originally Posted by heythere999
I just haven't even had the courage to have eye contact at the same time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by heythere999
My social anxiety has become BEYOND terrible. For instance, at work and at school I am constantly going to the bathroom and reapplying deodorant and cologne because I'm worried that I stink ALL the time, but people have constantly told me I smell really good. I can barely maintain eye contact with anyone. During my breaks at school I either sit alone or I go to the bathroom and sit in there for 20-50 mins even though I don't even have to use it.
The OP needs to accept himself as gay and worthy above all. As the great philosopher RuPaul has said, "If you don't love yourself, how the *#$% are you going to love somebody else?"
"If they want to [change] of course it's more likely they will".
WTF.
Gay or "bi" men married to women are not "mentally ill" LOL. It's been going on forever. And so has cheating on your spouse in straight marriages in case you haven't noticed.
You generalize much here. You're making no sense.I am the one who said THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ANYONE who is attracted to the same gender. Why would there be?? THEY DO NOT NEED TO SEE A COUNSELOR. You are confused. Please stop perpetuating that falsehood. Thank you.
Quote:
But way-to-go arguing with your own argument. Logic says that if a gay man simply wanted to "change" so he could be HAPPILY MARRIED to his wife, then he just WOULD - according to you.
Of course people with same sex attraction can be happily married to their opposite sex spouse. And of course some people will succeed in changing their attractions if that is their goal. To each is own
I wouldn't go as far as to use your words, "he just would" change. That is presumptious of you. Please refrain as no one is required to change their feelings of same sex attraction. NO ONE. Not for you or anyone else.
Again, a sexual attraction towards the same sex doesn't prohibit anyone from being happily married to the opposite sex.
Quote:
AND....once again you conflate gay men with pedophiles.
I equated them with philanderers, asexuals, polygamists, amongst a host of others. It's interesting and creepy you equate same sex attraction with pedophiles. And. only. pedophiles
Again, your recommendation people experiencing same sex attraction seek counseling is crazy. There is nothing wrong with feeling an attraction towards the same gender while being married. Or unmarried. This is NOT a mental illness. And there is no reason feeling an attraction towards the same gender would PROHIBIT or PREVENT anyone from being happily married.
The only way there would be an issue is if a sex addiction is involved. Sex addiction break up families. Those people are so engulfed in fulfilling their own self gratification they can desert their own families to pursue their sex addiction. THESE PEOPLE ARE MENTALLY ILL and they need counseling. Not celebrating.
Last edited by SierraCountyMtnBiker; 09-28-2017 at 09:00 PM..
LOL you call ME "odd" and "obsessed" or some nonsense when I"m the one with the experience growing up defending and supporting a gay brother who could have gotten arrested just for his orientation and freedom of association. Yeah, ok. This IS a thread about a gay young person's self image, gayness, and adjunct issues. LIKE HIS FAMILY. DUH.
My brother had to live as you're suggesting. Hiding his true self. Being "private". Never picturing having his own family. Having to go to events with a beard. The list is endless.
I am sorry for your brother. He sounds pretty messed up but it almost appears to run in the family.
No one is forced "to go to events with a beard"
No one is prevented from having their own family unless they are barren/mentally or physically disabled maybe.
So your brother could certainly "picture having this own family"
Only you demand otherwise of your own kin. Shame shame on you for perpetuating this dangerous falsehood
No one who asked my husband or I if either of us were attracted to the same gender. We were granted a marriage license, got married and had one son. Nor would it matter if we were or weren't, attracted to the same gender. And if someone found out, or we felt comfortable telling someone, well I am sure they wouldn't be afraid of us. You seem very mixed up.
Your obsession with homophobia has reared its ugly head again.. Homophobia would ONLY come into play regarding rapists. Everyone is afraid of being sexually assaulted.
Again, sorry for your brother but you both sound really hate filled. I haven't met him but wish him healing nonetheless. And hope he isn't truly how you view him. I suggest you stop the name calling and labeling people. Let people be people. Learn tolerance. Do not focus on who your friends, family, are sexually attracted to. It's not for you to demand to know. This perversion, sex obsession of yours regardig who others are attracted to needs to stop if you want any quality of life whatsoever.
There are support groups out there for sex addiction/obsession. I think it would help your anger towards people mixed with your sexual thoughts. Normal folks have no desire to be sexualized by strangers on message boards, or otherwise. Rapists are also very angry and blame others for their sexual proclivities. Please be careful, this anger mixed with need to be sexualizing people can escalate.
You cannot help support your brother until you get help for your anger and sex obsession. Your sexualized name calling and hatred. Your direct linking pedophiles to ONLY people who experience same sex attraction for no reason whatsoever. Being non-judgemental is a much freer way of life. That is something you need to work on. I wish you and your brother the best. Thanks for your reply
Last edited by SierraCountyMtnBiker; 09-28-2017 at 09:15 PM..
What's strange about the story is that OP is attributing to homophobia behavior that's actually due to anxiety and lack of self-esteem:
The OP needs to accept himself as gay and worthy above all. As the great philosopher RuPaul has said, "If you don't love yourself, how the *#$% are you going to love somebody else?"
I've acknowledged this. Even the heads of my department at school have told me I need to stop being so hard on myself and I never see the good in myself the head of the department actually forced me to compliment myself the other day. It was kind of embarrassing.
I also know for a fact that most of the time I have a resting ***** face (in the span of my entire life, this is only recent). I do this because I'm scared that if people talk to me they're going to judge me. Which they will; everyone does. But it's an irrational fear.
And I think I've said it in this thread but another reason why I haven't tried therapy at my school is because that would require me to walk across campus and potentially see people I know. The campus is always windy and my hair is **** until I'm indoors.
It's honestly ridiculous it's like I want to gain confidence and stop repeating these mistakes and having irrational fears but I just stay in this cycle.
Today I didn't go to class because I binge ate like a wild animal a few hours beforehand. How does that make any sense? lol
Also guys: don't worry, I'm not listening to the ignorant posters who are insinuating that I'm somehow not actually gay lol.
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Enjoy life.
the head of the department actually forced me to compliment myself the other day. It was kind of embarrassing. 
