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Are you saying that she just announced to you that she is visiting you for 2/5 weeks? I think you just repeat what you already said - give her four specific dates. And you can even lie and say you plan to be away part of that time. If you don't like lying, then make it the truth.
Perhaps you should telephone and say, "Auntie, I'm worrying that you didn't see my email. As I said..."
To be blunt, Auntie's cultural background concerning long visits and ignoring your boundaries should absolutely not be your problem. Partner needs to get on the phone immediately and state the exact dates your guest room is available and suggest a list of hotels (complete with prices) for any other days she intends to stay. Also make it clear in this stage of your pregnancy you will be resting in your room with your feet up for long periods of time but you will provide the number for a taxi service for her transportation.
I think it is risky to even have her come but tell her another party will be occupying the guest room on day five. Inform her you can drop her off at the hotel on your way to the airport to pick up your next guest.
I have gone through this with a family member (not my side) who would announce when she and another relative would arrive and when they were leaving. Oh heck no. I had a limit of 3 days as it was non-stop carping and expecting expensive meals out constantly. I finally told DH that if they walked in the front door again, I was walking out the back door and he could call me when they were gone. Message received and now we are off "traveling" - a lot.
I have a relative who has informed me that he/she is staying for 2.5 weeks over the Christmas/New Year's holiday.
I don't have the ability to entertain someone for that length of time. This person has proved to be very needy in the past-- can't drive or walk anywhere on their own, needs their day scheduled with sightseeing and entertainment. I am offering my guest room for 4 days and that is it-- there are other family and friends I would like to see as well and I will be stuck squiring "Aunt Janet" around town and unable to do that if its a longer visit. I have told her "We would love to see you for these dates but have other plans afterwards."
But "Aunt Janet" is not hearing any of this and sent my partner an email saying she is coming as planned at looking at tickets on the dates she wants to be here. We need a stronger message. I thought we were pretty clear.
Thoughts?
Tell her that she can come Dec xx through Dec xx. That's all because you have other guests coming and need the space. If she's insistent, I'd cancel the whole thing and say too bad! It's your house, your rules.
I think the cultural difference is a perfect excuse for your partner to say "emoti just isn't used to long family visits. That's not how they do it. We would both love to have you for 4 days, but after that, we'll have to get back to work and our next round of guests."
Yes, but that is the reason this person wants to stay so long. Theoretically.
Wait! You're pregnant and due in January? Oh hell no! You don't need to be entertaining anyone when you're 9 months pregnant. She needs to park her butt at a hotel or better yet, stay home. You have no business trucking someone around town for weeks while that pregnant. And you never know if you'll have the baby early. you'll want peace and quiet and time to adjust....you don't need Aunt Pain in the A## climbing up your butt.
OP, if you continue fighting for freedom but it will remain your own fight, it's a problem.
Your SO should understand that you have different preferences, desires, tastes, traditions, and aren't comfortable with pushy relatives. If he understands, he should move forward and insist that this visit will be as long and not any longer than your two's mutually agree on. Or, you can give in. Then there (probably) will be no end to visits, and you will receive all kinds of unsolicited advice, and they will be surprised you aren't always following.
Tell her that she can come Dec xx through Dec xx. That's all because you have other guests coming and need the space. If she's insistent, I'd cancel the whole thing and say too bad! It's your house, your rules.
"Oh, who's coming?"
"When do they arrive?"
"I'd love to meet them."
"Don't worry, when they arrive I'll just sleep on the couch/aero-bed."
"The two of us can cook a lot of meals to freeze in advance while we're here."
No, as another poster said, any reasons you provide will just be fodder for this person. The answer is just no.
I have a relative who has informed me that he/she is staying for 2.5 weeks over the Christmas/New Year's holiday.
I don't have the ability to entertain someone for that length of time. This person has proved to be very needy in the past-- can't drive or walk anywhere on their own, needs their day scheduled with sightseeing and entertainment. I am offering my guest room for 4 days and that is it-- there are other family and friends I would like to see as well and I will be stuck squiring "Aunt Janet" around town and unable to do that if its a longer visit. I have told her "We would love to see you for these dates but have other plans afterwards."
But "Aunt Janet" is not hearing any of this and sent my partner an email saying she is coming as planned at looking at tickets on the dates she wants to be here. We need a stronger message. I thought we were pretty clear.
Thoughts?
Sounds like my brother. Last time he came to visit. He was here for over 3 weeks. It was brutal! No car rental, nothing. He just assumed I would drive him everywhere. Im so sick of people being incapable of planning their own day, and expecting you to do everything for them. What happened to being a adult? Whenever I travel, I rent a car, not expect someone to cart me around.
So your SO expects you to take care of their aunt and drive her around while you are 8 months pregnant?
Forget the aunt, I think you need to have a serious WTF talk with your SO...
No he doesn't expect that. He will be available for the days we said we could see her. He will not be available for 2.5 weeks. I have more flexibility in my job to work from home and do regularly. I am WORKING, not entertaining, but Auntie will see it as me being available to take her where she wants to go.
FWIW we are both united on how long we can have her (or anyone) stay with us. I like some of the suggestions here with wording the conversation.
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