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Sounds like my brother. Last time he came to visit. He was here for over 3 weeks. It was brutal! No car rental, nothing. He just assumed I would drive him everywhere. Im so sick of people being incapable of planning their own day, and expecting you to do everything for them. What happened to being a adult? Whenever I travel, I rent a car, not expect someone to cart me around.
Unfortunately my partner has several people like this in his family. The older relatives think that they are matriarchs/patriarchs and that anyone younger than they are should bow and scrape, cart them around and cater to them like its a 5 star hotel. I seriously insulted one of them last year (close relative of his) by sending a list of hotels that they could stay in as we didn't have the space. The outrage is still ongoing and that person has not requested to visit again. Which is fine with us. Its a family with a lot of drama, feuds, long term snubs and crazy. My mate moved cross country to be away from it.
Unfortunately my partner has several people like this in his family. The older relatives think that they are matriarchs/patriarchs and that anyone younger than they are should bow and scrape, cart them around and cater to them like its a 5 star hotel. I seriously insulted one of them last year (close relative of his) by sending a list of hotels that they could stay in as we didn't have the space. The outrage is still ongoing and that person has not requested to visit again. Which is fine with us. Its a family with a lot of drama, feuds, long term snubs and crazy. My mate moved cross country to be away from it.
Oh well. Unless you have Marriott tattooed across your forehead, that's too bad. People have jobs, commitments, and a life.
When we lived in SC, my father-in-law and sister-in-law stayed with us for the longest week of my life. No one told us that we were supposed to entertain them every day, drive them everywhere even though they had a rental car, and make all their meals! I blew up at one point. I couldn't take it anymore. My husband knew it was really bad the night I started drinking...I don't drink. My father-in-law screamed at me what time dinner would be ready and he wanted it on his schedule. I didn't have an answer because I had not planned on making him dinner. My husband works from home and worked while they visited. They thought he could just do whatever he wanted....working from home doesn't work that way! Most people don't understand that.
No he doesn't expect that. He will be available for the days we said we could see her. He will not be available for 2.5 weeks. I have more flexibility in my job to work from home and do regularly. I am WORKING, not entertaining, but Auntie will see it as me being available to take her where she wants to go.
FWIW we are both united on how long we can have her (or anyone) stay with us. I like some of the suggestions here with wording the conversation.
That's a relief you and your partner are united in how long the visit will be. Now, how do you both plan to enforce it? What if a preemptive conversation with Auntie isn't enough to get her out of your house in 4 days? You guys need a plan B. What if Auntie has an open ended ticket with no return date? Worse yet, what if she agrees to your conditions, but her return ticket is still 2.5 weeks later as she originally planned? Short of buying her a ticket home (which will be very expensive and you won't be paid back), you personally packing up her belongings for her, and forcibly driving her to the airport, I just don't see how you can effectively enforce a 4 day visit. This is someone you describe as very needy who can't do or plan anything on her own and doesn't respect your work-at-home schedule, who is pushing for a lengthy visit against your wishes with no regard or concern for your pregnancy. What makes you think she'll suddenly become considerate and understanding enough to actually respect your wishes and vacate in 4 days? I can see this going south in so many ways. That's why I suggested declining altogether. I just don't see it ending well. And no matter how it goes, I can foresee there being hard feelings because you had to enforce a short stay, which would make this visit a pointless exercise in frustration. I suspect you'll end up on her bad side no matter what you do (which I suspect you don't care about anyway) so why not just skip the headache altogether?
So Auntie expects to be catered to even though you are almost 9 months pregnant and probably feeling every bit of those months?
I think both of you should tell her that she can't come to visit. You should be preparing for the birth of your child, not stressing over someone who expects you to cater to them. It would be different if she was coming to help you out in the later weeks of your pregnancy but she is not. Don't feel guilty about refusing this or any other visit by people who insist on visiting without asking if its convenient to you. Let them grumble in their own home.
Congratulations on being a soon to be new mother. You will get lots of unwanted advice (You are holding the baby all wrong, you need to feed/ not feed them on a schedule, let them cry/ don't let them cry, etc) so you must learn to stand your ground and do what you think is best for your child. Right now, what is best for your child is a mother who does not have to cater to a pushy aunt. Please tell her not to come.
I think you need to just tell her NO--for any length of time. Not even for four days. Someone passive-aggressive like this will just ignore your qualifiers and come up with excuses to 'delay' her departure after she's set up camp in your guest room.
Send her a list of hotels and some brochures for tour guide services. And tell her point blank, the guest room is otherwise occupied. Permanently.
Sorry, but this person is being rude. Not only is she commandeering your home, but she is disrespecting you by not recognizing your equal place in the relationship and the home. She is clearly attempting to be divisive with you and your partner. This isn't someone who should be welcomed for any length of time.
I have a relative who has informed me that he/she is staying for 2.5 weeks over the Christmas/New Year's holiday.
I don't have the ability to entertain someone for that length of time. This person has proved to be very needy in the past-- can't drive or walk anywhere on their own, needs their day scheduled with sightseeing and entertainment. I am offering my guest room for 4 days and that is it-- there are other family and friends I would like to see as well and I will be stuck squiring "Aunt Janet" around town and unable to do that if its a longer visit. I have told her "We would love to see you for these dates but have other plans afterwards."
But "Aunt Janet" is not hearing any of this and sent my partner an email saying she is coming as planned at looking at tickets on the dates she wants to be here. We need a stronger message. I thought we were pretty clear.
Thoughts?
Tell them that you've other plans for your holidays. Here are suggestions:
1. I'm want to spend the holidays by myself. I'm tired and need time alone.
2. I'm traveling to Hawaii.
3. (or if you've already agreed) I'm sorry, but something has come up and I won't be here for the holidays.
4. I'm watching the paint dry and can't be disturbed.
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