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This is no different then what I am dealing with caring for my elderly parents. I know people are curious, concerned, etc. But I constantly get the same questions:
How are you doing?
Are you holding up?Any time you need to talk to someone I am here.
etc etc
When I hear those questions, silently my answer is I'd be doing much better if you didn't keep on asking. So I continue to use the same boiler-plate answer - I'm doing as well as can be expected under the circumstances.
Human beings by nature pry. They are curious. If the barrage of questions annoy you (as they would me), just concoct a standard answer for all and move on.
Well, what are they supposed to say? Geez... people show concern, and this is what you think?
This is no different then what I am dealing with caring for my elderly parents. I know people are curious, concerned, etc. But I constantly get the same questions:
How are you doing?
Are you holding up?Any time you need to talk to someone I am here.
etc etc
When I hear those questions, silently my answer is I'd be doing much better if you didn't keep on asking. So I continue to use the same boiler-plate answer - I'm doing as well as can be expected under the circumstances.
Human beings by nature pry. They are curious. If the barrage of questions annoy you (as they would me), just concoct a standard answer for all and move on.
This doesn't sound like prying to me. It sounds like people trying to be supportive. I suppose it depends on who's doing the asking; casual acquaintances/co-workers, or closer friends and relatives.
... I have unfortunately Come across the types that the op talks about ... nosy or keeping up with the jones' gossipy types.
Yes!!! One person comes to my mind right away: Interested for nosy, competitive, jealousy-prone reasons vs actually being a concerned friend. This kind of person has no use for you unless they want to know something. And they're NEVER happy for your successes!
"Make sure everybody in your boat is rowing, and not drilling holes when you're not looking. Know your circle."
These strike me as being the types of questions that anyone who would like to retire early would ask themselves. When people dream about retirement they are trying to visualize what retirement might be like and how and when they could handle retirement financially. Hearing how you answer the same questions may help them to develop answers to their own retirement concerns. I think that’s why many ask the questions. They wouldn’t say that to you though.
When colleagues have told me their retirement plans over the years, my mind always immediately shifted to putting myself in their shoes and pondering whether those plans appealed to me personally as part of my own retirement plan. That was helpful. I retired at age 53.
If those co-workers are indifferent to your future well being, why would they care enough to be malicious? Sure, I imagine many of them might wish they could retire, too. Have you never wished you could have retired earlier yourself?
Read this one twice! I've been on both sides of it - lots of us have.
Unless the OP has embezzled her retirement nest egg from the company there's no reason to be as secretive as it seems she wants to be.
Read this one twice! I've been on both sides of it - lots of us have.
Unless the OP has embezzled her retirement nest egg from the company there's no reason to be as secretive as it seems she wants to be.
It's got nothing to do with being secretive. People are not OWED your life story, they are not OWED an explanation, they are not OWED details of anything you just don't wish to talk about. It's not our job to satisfy the intrusive curiosity of others, no matter how well meant it is.
I retired at 51, hubby was 56. I worked for a company with a pension plan, and we have set pay grades for positions, so pretty much everyone knows everyone else's salary approximately. Most co-workers could do the math and know a very close estimate of my pension payment, of course they didn't know my husband's. I got so many questions, but I found that most were asking because they were concerned about when THEY should retire. They were asking because they figured if I could do it, maybe they could too, if only they had the answers to these snoopy questions. I'm not a very private person, so I happily told them where we were moving, because it was as much for the quality of life here as the lower COL. I even gave them the web address of the community so they could see it for themselves, who knows maybe they will move here too! LOL... I'm sure none of them ever bothered to look at it.
As for the other questions like what I will "do", my answer was always "whatever I feel like, whenever I feel like it". And that was the absolute truth, not a glib answer. If they were more persistent on that, I might say "I have a lot of hobbies and activities I'd like to have the time to do more of". As for working part-time, my answer was an honest "I don't know, maybe".
It's true that they are curious in the moment, but it's also true that in a week they will probably not care where you are or what you're doing. A few might wistfully think of what they would do if they were lucky enough to retire as young as you, but don't take any of this personally. Just get ready to start enjoying your retirement. Soon busybody co-workers will be a thing of the past.
As I opined a few pages ago, this is really about other people's anxiety about the future and probably themselves. They ask because yes, of course they're curious, but they don't really truly care how a coworker is going to spend their time. They also suddenly want an accounting of the person's time, like a bit of a justification.
Did they care how a coworker spent their time last month? Or last year? This is ultimately about *their* feelings on the matter of retiring and wanting to know if:
- they can retire or when
- how they will spend their time if they leave
- how they will afford it
- where they will live in the future
- how they will justify not working
Okay, so I'm about 1 year out from retiring with my husband who is 9 years older than me. He's pretty close to the age one would retire at while not being too old. Because I'm younger, people who I thought were my "friends" and made the mistake of sharing this bit of information to when the subject was brought up, are now constantly say I'm too "young" to retire. I have now started being asked the following questions:
What am I going to do when I retire?
How could I possibly afford to retire?
Are you leaving the state?
You're not old enough to start receiving your company pension are you?
Are you going to get a part-time job?
You get the jest of where I'm going here......... I am a pretty private person and I like it that way, but I know that because I have formed "work" relationships with co-workers (most of whom I do not socialize with outside of work), people will "naturally" ask many of the above questions and expect some sort of answer.
We are moving to a different state but if I tell most people where, it opens up another can of worms. Like the next question of where in that state are you moving? Sad to say this but I know that most of the people who ask this question will "google" the area to try to figure out our cost of living there, housing, crime rate, etc.
We plan to travel, visit loved ones, take up hobbies and all the other stuff retired people tend to do. And while I don't want to be rude, I don't want to tell people my business either. ESPECIALLY co-workers who I know could care less about me and only want to "gather" information to use against me when talking to others which I can only assume is because they're envious, jealous, or plan irritated that I'm retiring before them (sadly my boss falls in the category).
Because I am a pretty private person and the majority of people I work with know very little about me, with the exception of my immediate circle of co-workers, and they just know the basics...how many kids, how long I've been married, pretty general stuff. Very few know where I live or have been to my home.
I am in a high profile job; meaning I am in contact with a very large group of people who work for the same company and about 70% of the people know who I am and have dealt with me on a professional, yet very friendly level. I am a very outgoing person and I respect the privacy of others and expect the same for myself. I really could use some advice as to how to respond to people, without being rude, but yet set up immediate boundaries that will hopefully make people be respectful and accepting of the fact that I am not a "spill the beans" type of person!
One last thought, I know there will most likely be a going away party given in my honor, so I want to have my answers down by the time I'm faced with the inevitable......
you don't owe anyone an explanation, that's all your decision and business.
A few options for replies...
1. tell them you don't know....and then turn and walk away.
2. Just turn and walk away
3. It's all being worked out....
4. None of your business.
I know, it really pisses you off....they've done it to me, and of late, I just answer, none of your business, or it's all being worked out.
People can really be abrasive.
wishing you well....
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