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I understand -- because I'm the same way. I tend to have expectations that are too high and I'm often bottom-line and too blunt, although I try not to be hurtful. Words can hurt the receiver for years after the speaker has forgotten them.
It might also be that the neighbors just aren't the social type and like to keep to themselves. I am surprised at how some people on this forum say that they won't interact with their neighbors at all, but that's just how they feel and not my place to say they're wrong. Maybe they just aren't that friendly with neighbors in general, and your remark wasn't the cause.
My advice is just to be friendly in your future interactions and let this "oops moment" fade away. Apologizing at this point just brings it up again, and reminds them that you made this unintentionally thoughtless remark. It might not have made the big impression on them that you are feeling it did.
It's one thing to bring information to someone's attention. It's another thing, entirely, to belittle someone by adding something like "I'm surprised you didnt know that".
Anyone would be irritated to be on the receiving end of a comment like that. I asked the OP WHY he/she said that, if not to embarrass and ridicule the neighbor. No answer so far.
I guess he forgot to be "politically correct".....comes from being too honest I guess.
OP shouldn't have to worry that his honesty shows.
His surprise could easily have been responded to with "I'm surprised too"..."I'm glad you told me, I'll definitely be looking that up".
Pretty sad world we live in when everything that comes out of your mouth is analized to death to make sure you didn't hurt some ignorant dudes tender sensibilities.
Guess I'm not "everyone" because I sure wouldn't take affront at someone sharing knowledge with me...........more like interested and thankful
I wouldn't consider it "belittling" at all....unless pointing out the truth is belittling.
Being rude to people under the guise of honesty is not noble, and that assumes that your "truth" is the absolute, which frequently it isn't (speaking for everyone, not you directly).
I have the same problem of being blunt, and I really have to watch myself so I don't put people off.
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...Guess I'm not "everyone" because I sure wouldn't take affront at someone sharing knowledge with me...........more like interested and thankful
I wouldn't consider it "belittling" at all....unless pointing out the truth is belittling.
You're missing the point totally. It's not what was said -- it's why it was said.
No one would mind being told about new advancements in his field. But what reason is there to express surprise that the neighbor wasnt aware of the advancement? None, except to make him feel belittled.
So you say....
in other words if he's worded his statement differently it would have been OK?
The OP's only mistake was saying he was surprised........I am surprised as well about the lack of knowledge so many professionals have in their fields.
So OP...like I said....best pretend ignorance around "professionals"...they like it that way.
Keep your knowledge about your neighbors field under your hat...pretend he knows more than you...he'll for sure like you then.
So you say....
in other words if he's worded his statement differently it would have been OK?
The OP's only mistake was saying he was surprised.........
Yes, I believe so. As I said, it's one thing to pass along information. It's another thing entirely to profess surprise that the other person wasnt already aware of the information.
There's absolutely no reason to express such surprise. It adds nothing to the conversation and serves only to let the other person know that he should feel stupid and belittled.
It was likely considered an insult. When you insult someone their reaction is to be expected. Family and loved ones often have to deal with you, acquaintances don't.
A personality profile test done on me when I was working says that I can be impatient in my expectations of others and potentially hurtful when those expectations are not met.
So, there it is. I am what I am.
One of the things I have learned over the years is that with self-awareness comes a responsibility. Now that you know this about yourself, being an emotionally healthy adult means you can't just say, "Welp, that's who I am! I can be impatient and unreasonable with people! Oh well!" and continue to have hurtful encounters like this.
I guess he forgot to be "politically correct".....comes from being too honest I guess.
OP shouldn't have to worry that his honesty shows.
His surprise could easily have been responded to with "I'm surprised too"..."I'm glad you told me, I'll definitely be looking that up".
Pretty sad world we live in when everything that comes out of your mouth is analized to death to make sure you didn't hurt some ignorant dudes tender sensibilities.
Guess I'm not "everyone" because I sure wouldn't take affront at someone sharing knowledge with me...........more like interested and thankful
I wouldn't consider it "belittling" at all....unless pointing out the truth is belittling.
It has nothing to do with being "politically correct."
It's about being tactful. There's nothing wrong with considering the feelings of someone who is on the receiving end of your words. If we didn't do that, many more of us would be incarcerated right now.
To say "I'm surprised you didn't know that!" is just a euphemism. It expresses disapproval and is a passive-aggressive way to shame someone. It's a very judgmental phrase.
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