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First off, I want to say I purposefully didn't put this under Grief and Mourning. If a mod wants to move it, thats fine... as it is related... but I'm not actually in grief or mourning or need help in that regards.
Anyway, I can't understand why someone wouldn't want a funeral. I respect my aunts wishes, but a funeral isn't for the dead, but for the living. Her mother has been so distraught and even said she was angry with my aunt, hopefully with time that will pass.
This is more of a rant then anything, while I really do respect my aunts wishes for what she wants and we can all choose how we end and are remembered, but I don't agree with her, I think not allowing the family closure was a really selfish decision. I can understand if the family had financial problems or some family disputes, but there are none. Her passing was expected as she had been fighting cancer and she fairly well planned out her final days, even though it came sooner then expected.
My aunts sister is still planning a get together to remember her, but it's a very casual affair at her house, which is fine. But, technically my aunt even requested not to have that. I guess, my point is, besides a rant, is that I hope people will rethink not having a funeral. I think its a way to make us understand that life really is over. It doesn't feel like she is gone at all... Anyway, rant over... Maybe someone can offer a different perspective and make me change my mind or at least help me understand why someone would make a choice like this.
My mom insisted that she not have one. We had a memorial service anyway. She was paranoid about it being in the paper and having her crazy ex husband come after the family for money. Which didn't happen until over a year after she had gone...
So I expect that we will be haunted for not following last requests. But funerals are for the living. Our service was small and nice. I don't regret doing it.
OP, I could not disagree more. Always follow the wishes of the deceased person.
And I strongly disagree that wanting no funeral is selfish.
I respectfully disagree.
Funerals can serve many purposes but most often, they are an opportunity for those who knew and loved the deceased to get together and remember, cry, laugh, give comfort, get comfort, check in on those left behind and offer support. If you deprive the people who loved you of the opportunity to do these things AND say goodbye, that is incredibly selfish. I understand not wanting a big to do or a lot of money being spent, but to decree that NO ONE is allowed to come and remember? That seems controlling and ill advised.
The deceased is just that. Deceased. The living are those who need to cope and carry on. Why insist they can't come together to start that difficult process?
I seek not to be sarcastic but if the funeral services are to be paid for totally by the deceased it should be their choice alone shouldn't it? Rich or poor, isn't it much easier to say that it is selfish on the part of the living to demand a funeral service? That is, of course, unless they have offered to pay for the services themselves.
Some people request no funeral because of the financial aspect of how expensive funerals can be. Some choose to have a memorial service instead with just close friends and family present. I know a family that had one at a restaurant recently. Just to talk about their memories of their loved one who passed. There had been no money for a funeral or burial or any kind. But they just wanted to have something to remember her by.
Also, some people don't want to be talked about in a eulogy so they request no funeral.
I'd prefer to know reasons why a person didn't want a funeral to make a decision on what to do, after their death.
Spend the funeral money on the person while they’re alive. Who cares what they do with my body when I’M dead. The funeral business is another racquet anyway.
Spend the funeral money on the person while they’re alive. Who cares what they do with my body when I’M dead. The funeral business is another racquet anyway.
Yes, it's a racquet...spent almost 30K on my mom's funeral and burial. Although she left plenty of money for an expensive funeral and burial. But I feel we were taken advantage of in some ways. Even cremation can be costly. The funeral home contacted me months later to try and sell me a pre-payment plan for a funeral service in case anyone in my family died again soon. The sales pitch was not very tactful.
Some people request no funeral because of the financial aspect of how expensive funerals can be. Some choose to have a memorial service instead with just close friends and family present. I know a family that had one at a restaurant recently. Just to talk about their memories of their loved one who passed. There had been no money for a funeral or burial or any kind. But they just wanted to have something to remember her by.
Also, some people don't want to be talked about in a eulogy so they request no funeral.
I'd prefer to know reasons why a person didn't want a funeral to make a decision on what to do, after their death.
We didn't have a "funeral" funeral, but did a memorial service for my mom. I think there are all kinds of ways to honor memories with other loved ones. And loved ones should be able to do that without fear of recrimination from beyond the grave...
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