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The goal of a good parent is to raise independent, self reliant, productive adults. OP move as soon as you can and don't look back. Be there for your parents when they get older but live your life now.
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
4,641 posts, read 11,964,039 times
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Why do you care? Is this impacting you in some way?
My 3 adult kids still live at home (19-23). They've all worked since they were 14 and go to school. They also pay all of their own expenses (car, insurance, phones) and contribute to household expenses. We have a cleaning chart and everybody does their share. I admit to doing most of the cooking, but I love to cook. They do clean up after me in the kitchen. We take turns doing laundry, etc. This is a total win-win for us.
My expenses are lowered, we are all able to save money (they have very healthy savings and investment accounts) and we genuinely get along and like each other. Girls are not allowed to sleep over. They do have girlfriends, but I don't know anything about their love life. Thank goodness. They have their own lives.
Overall, I'd say we've shifted into adult relationships and I like it. Despite my kids living with me, they seem to be far more independent than some of my friends' kids. They are definitely more financially savvy.
Even the OP as the younger sibling having to live with these people? I don't see how this is any less anyone's business than every single other thing posted in this forum.
Why do you care? Is this impacting you in some way?
My 3 adult kids still live at home (19-23). They've all worked since they were 14 and go to school. They also pay all of their own expenses (car, insurance, phones) and contribute to household expenses. We have a cleaning chart and everybody does their share. I admit to doing most of the cooking, but I love to cook. They do clean up after me in the kitchen. We take turns doing laundry, etc. This is a total win-win for us.
My expenses are lowered, we are all able to save money (they have very healthy savings and investment accounts) and we genuinely get along and like each other. Girls are not allowed to sleep over. They do have girlfriends, but I don't know anything about their love life. Thank goodness. They have their own lives.
He has to live with them all, so I'd say it impacts him. I don't think your kids at 19-23 can be compared to the OP's siblings.
He doesn't have to live at home. He's 20. It's his parents house and if they are okay with it, it's not his concern.
I imagine the OP might be wondering about his(?) own life in the upcoming years, and wondering if his future might be influenced by what his older siblings have done...or not done. Like if somehow it's destiny, or the result of some family dynamics he hasn't seen yet.
When I moved out permanently after college my dad flipped out, 100000% unexpectedly, and it worried me for a while. Had I given in, my life would have been much, much sadder than it is today.
From what you have described this is not a good environment for you and based upon the information you provided us your other siblings are not making efforts to be responsible accountable adults.
Move out as soon as you have the ability to / or work to gain that ability as soon as possible through education or employment. There are varying reasons and setups for adult children to live with parents.
I lived at home as adult with family through my 20s, but it was understood and required that you worked and contributed to the household (pay rent - about equal to the local area and do various household chores as needed). It occasionally cramped social life but when you are going to school and working multiple jobs, you make it work. The adult children in the household all had different schedules, (at one point there were four adult children in the house. I worked my way through undergrad and grad school, kept saving money then moved out when I got a job out of state.
What you described is not a good long term place for you to be and sounds like poor parenting. As others have mentioned, the primary objective of parents should be to enable their children to provide and be able to care for themselves as they become adults.
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