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I'm 20 and the youngest of four. I still live at home because I'm in school, and it's the most financially feasible option. Once I graduate and start my career, I'll be looking towards moving out. However, all my siblings are over 25 and they still live at home. My youngest sister is 27, my brother is 28, and my oldest sister is 33. They're not in school. I'm the only person in my immediate family that has gone to college. My youngest sister and my brother both work and have their own vehicles, but they still live at home. My oldest sister doesn't work and she doesn't have a car, and she still lives at home.
I would just like to get an outside opinion on this. Do you guys think it's weird to still live at home at those ages? Why or why not?
Why doesn't your 33 year old sister work? Disabled? Lazy?
Some adult kids stay at home to save money to buy a house....is this what your other siblings are doing...this saving plan should take 1 to 3 years for a down payment on a starter home in most cases.
Oldest sister will be the spinster that lives there forever, talks about "helping" her parents out by living in their home for free, and expects to someday inherit the house all to herself.
The others can go either way.
Get out of dodge for sure when you get a job, and have a nice successful, independent life.
oldest sister will be the spinster that lives there forever, talks about "helping" her parents out by living in their home for free, and expects to someday inherit the house all to herself.
The others can go either way.
Get out of dodge for sure when you get a job, and have a nice successful, independent life.
Why doesn't your 33 year old sister work? Disabled? Lazy?
Some adult kids stay at home to save money to buy a house....is this what your other siblings are doing...this saving plan should take 1 to 3 years for a down payment on a starter home in most cases.
If not, do they pay rent to your parents??
What are their reasons for living at home?
Yes, I do feel bad for my oldest sister. Unfortunately she just has no motivation to do anything. She didn't finish high school. She never even got her GED. My other siblings aren't saving money to buy a place of their own. At least not that I know of. They never talk about it. My youngest sister and my brother do pay their portion of rent. I don't think my oldest sister does.
For their reasons for still living at home. My oldest sister simply just has no motivation to leave the nest and live her own life. She's too dependent on my mother. She's not my father's child. My youngest sister just had a baby. It's her first child. Maybe she still lives at home to get help raising her child, but I believe she could still get a place of her own if she really wanted to. My brother doesn't really have a social life. The only people he sees and speaks with pretty much are me, my two sisters, and our parents. I think what's preventing him from moving out on his own is that he doesn't want to be alone. He doesn't have much of a social life, so I don't think he wants to be alone 24/7.
I'm 20 and the youngest of four. I still live at home because I'm in school, and it's the most financially feasible option. Once I graduate and start my career, I'll be looking towards moving out. However, all my siblings are over 25 and they still live at home. My youngest sister is 27, my brother is 28, and my oldest sister is 33. They're not in school. I'm the only person in my immediate family that has gone to college. My youngest sister and my brother both work and have their own vehicles, but they still live at home. My oldest sister doesn't work and she doesn't have a car, and she still lives at home.
I would just like to get an outside opinion on this. Do you guys think it's weird to still live at home at those ages? Why or why not?
The first thing that I would say is that 'independence' is overrated. When you're 38 years old, nobody is going to care whether you lived in your own apartment or with your parents when you were 27. I mean, yea its worth "Look at me, I'm supporting myself. I'm cooler than somebody who doesn't" but that ain't too much.
That said, living on your own (or with roommates) supports a certain lifestyle that I was able to live in my 20s to mid 30s. Namely, drinking a lot, coming home all hours, sleeping in, having control over the TV, and being able to have sex (or watch porn at loud levels) in the comfort of my own home.
Those are all things that would be impossible to inconvenient if I lived with my parents.
Now, if you don't do any of those things, then living with your parents is essentially the same.
You just described a dysfunctional co-dependent family and your defending them is also typical because it is what you saw growing up. This dependence can go along alright for a while with young adults but it will get really weird as the parents and siblings age. You may be pulled into some major drama at some point as the only one who is different should you forge your own independent path.
Please consider that perhaps your lazy older sister does not deserve sympathy or pity for slacking and mooching off your parents. They are all responsible, certainly your parents are soft for allowing it.
Yes, I do feel bad for my oldest sister. Unfortunately she just has no motivation to do anything. She didn't finish high school. She never even got her GED. My other siblings aren't saving money to buy a place of their own. At least not that I know of. They never talk about it. My youngest sister and my brother do pay their portion of rent. I don't think my oldest sister does.
For their reasons for still living at home. My oldest sister simply just has no motivation to leave the nest and live her own life. She's too dependent on my mother. She's not my father's child. My youngest sister just had a baby. It's her first child. Maybe she still lives at home to get help raising her child, but I believe she could still get a place of her own if she really wanted to. My brother doesn't really have a social life. The only people he sees and speaks with pretty much are me, my two sisters, and our parents. I think what's preventing him from moving out on his own is that he doesn't want to be alone. He doesn't have much of a social life, so I don't think he wants to be alone 24/7.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane
You just described a dysfunctional co-dependent family and your defending them is also typical because it is what you saw growing up. This dependence can go along alright for a while with young adults but it will get really weird as the parents and siblings age. You may be pulled into some major drama at some point as the only one who is different should you forge your own independent path.
Please consider that perhaps your lazy older sister does not deserve sympathy or pity for slacking and mooching off your parents. They are all responsible, certainly your parents are soft for allowing it.
I agree with tamajane.
There is a huge difference between adults living at home to pay off their student loans and/or save for the down payment of house or adults who live at home to help care for elderly or disabled parents and what you are describing.
I personally know two siblings that are in their early 70s that still live in the bedrooms that they had as children (their parents died years ago). While they did have jobs, neither of them married, or even dated. It is pretty sad. That could happen to your siblings.
Yes, I do feel bad for my oldest sister. Unfortunately she just has no motivation to do anything. She didn't finish high school. She never even got her GED. My other siblings aren't saving money to buy a place of their own. At least not that I know of. They never talk about it. My youngest sister and my brother do pay their portion of rent. I don't think my oldest sister does.
For their reasons for still living at home. My oldest sister simply just has no motivation to leave the nest and live her own life. She's too dependent on my mother. She's not my father's child. My youngest sister just had a baby. It's her first child. Maybe she still lives at home to get help raising her child, but I believe she could still get a place of her own if she really wanted to. My brother doesn't really have a social life. The only people he sees and speaks with pretty much are me, my two sisters, and our parents. I think what's preventing him from moving out on his own is that he doesn't want to be alone. He doesn't have much of a social life, so I don't think he wants to be alone 24/7.
Seems like a complete failure of parenting.
Good for you that you realize this kind of living arrangement isn't healthy. I am proud of you for recognizing you need to get out after school and live your own life.
Used to be, most people lived with their parents until marriage. The whole family contributed to the household. If the house was big enough, they brought their spouses to live there, too. This is still common in Europe.
Moving out before marriage is a pretty new way of life, just in the last century, and mostly in America.
Is there something wrong with either tradition? I dont' think so.
I think everyone should contribute to the household, but otherwise it makes sense not to have separate households.
On the other hand, if you have a horrible parent (yeah, I'm talking about you, mom), it's never too early to get out.
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