Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I would go if I cared about the relatives left behind, but otherwise, no. Let’s say the bad son of a dear couple died. I would go to the calling hours to pay my respects, but skip the funeral.
So I was talking on the current events forum, in the thread about the "obituary" that has gone viral. Someone mentioned that even if the person was your enemy, you go to the funeral and "pay your respects" and/or keep all negative comments to yourself.
I have had two experiences with this and I guess I had no manners.
When in grad school my roommates sister came to stay with us for a while until she "got herself" together. well she ended up stealing my bank checks (lol this was in the early 80's, no online transactions) stealing a boat load of money (it was my tuition for the term) out of my checking account. took a long time for me to get it back and my roommate felt guilty for a while ( she knew her sister was an alcoholic bum) and we never really got back to the same relationship.
when she died from liver failure and other complications, while I didn't want her dead, I didn't feel the need to go to the funeral.
The second one was my father in law. evidently he was a real pill. didn't physically abuse my mother in law but lots of psychological and emotional stuff. wouldn't allow them to turn on the heat in the winter, wouldn't let anyone watch tv after 7 pm. real controlling stuff. anyway when he died we found out that he had canceled his life insurance and took out a huge loan against their house. left my mil in a huge financial hole (she was a house wife most of their life), my mother in law did not go to his funeral and believe me we tried to get her there.
So how do you handle the passing of someone who you despised has kicked the bucket??
I would never go to the funeral of someone I despised. How hypocritical. I may send sympathy card to his survivors if they were people I was close to because I would be sorry for their pain, but I certainly would not pretend the person’s death was any loss to me. I might also secretly crack open a good bottle of wine and have a personal celebration!
So I was talking on the current events forum, in the thread about the "obituary" that has gone viral. Someone mentioned that even if the person was your enemy, you go to the funeral and "pay your respects" and/or keep all negative comments to yourself.
I have had two experiences with this and I guess I had no manners.
When in grad school my roommates sister came to stay with us for a while until she "got herself" together. well she ended up stealing my bank checks (lol this was in the early 80's, no online transactions) stealing a boat load of money (it was my tuition for the term) out of my checking account. took a long time for me to get it back and my roommate felt guilty for a while ( she knew her sister was an alcoholic bum) and we never really got back to the same relationship.
when she died from liver failure and other complications, while I didn't want her dead, I didn't feel the need to go to the funeral.
The second one was my father in law. evidently he was a real pill. didn't physically abuse my mother in law but lots of psychological and emotional stuff. wouldn't allow them to turn on the heat in the winter, wouldn't let anyone watch tv after 7 pm. real controlling stuff. anyway when he died we found out that he had canceled his life insurance and took out a huge loan against their house. left my mil in a huge financial hole (she was a house wife most of their life), my mother in law did not go to his funeral and believe me we tried to get her there.
So how do you handle the passing of someone who you despised has kicked the bucket??
I went to the funeral late, after it started, stood up in the back...stayed about 5 min., signed the register and left before it was over. That's all I could handle.
If you hate someone or they were your enemy, why on earth would you attend their funeral???
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hapa1
I was wondering that as well.
I believe the person OP is taking about on the other thread felt that proper manners or etiquette means you go to a funeral, even for a person you hated. It's a respect thing, the person said.
I won't go to any kind of social event or ceremony held on behalf of someone I don't care for. Doesn't matter if it's a funeral, wedding, birthday party or whatever else and it doesn't matter what the person's relationship to me might have been in the past.
So I was talking on the current events forum, in the thread about the "obituary" that has gone viral. Someone mentioned that even if the person was your enemy, you go to the funeral and "pay your respects" and/or keep all negative comments to yourself.
I have had two experiences with this and I guess I had no manners.
When in grad school my roommates sister came to stay with us for a while until she "got herself" together. well she ended up stealing my bank checks (lol this was in the early 80's, no online transactions) stealing a boat load of money (it was my tuition for the term) out of my checking account. took a long time for me to get it back and my roommate felt guilty for a while ( she knew her sister was an alcoholic bum) and we never really got back to the same relationship.
when she died from liver failure and other complications, while I didn't want her dead, I didn't feel the need to go to the funeral.
The second one was my father in law. evidently he was a real pill. didn't physically abuse my mother in law but lots of psychological and emotional stuff. wouldn't allow them to turn on the heat in the winter, wouldn't let anyone watch tv after 7 pm. real controlling stuff. anyway when he died we found out that he had canceled his life insurance and took out a huge loan against their house. left my mil in a huge financial hole (she was a house wife most of their life), my mother in law did not go to his funeral and believe me we tried to get her there.
So how do you handle the passing of someone who you despised has kicked the bucket??
By shutting up and enjoying the quiet satisfaction.
Depends on how close you are to the ones grieving, if close you go for them and offer your support and love.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
