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If you do decide to try to help the kid... It's a noble goal, but you'd better keep a close eye on your stuff, including your credit card and identity info.
A coworker of mine went through something like the OP. He had relatives that were involved in dealing drugs and other illegal activities. One of the parents went to prison over some charge and the other was in a death spiral and there was a kid involved. He reported the other parent and fostered the child. That's not to say it was a quick process.
However, the parent came out of rehab and reclaimed the kid. Which I guess is good, if she actually cleaned up her act.
"You don't have to teach a child to lie; you have to teach a child to tell the truth."
There will always be a question mark when it comes to nature versus nurture.
I have seen great people come from terrible parents and homes. And I have seen terrible people come from great parents and homes. Free will? Choice? Nature? Nurture?
As for the OP's relative? Tough call. Tough position.
I wasn't sure where to post this, either here or under parenting, so please forgive me if I posted in error.
I have a family member who is a known criminal since childhood. FBI raided their house, deals drugs, DUI and DWI's, has told us that he wants to "deal with" someone who is a threat to his "business". He will gut the new parts from various online orders and then return the items with old, used parts in their place. (Just like the guy who stole laptop parts from different Wal-Marts https://abcnews.go.com/US/man-charge...ry?id=55953882) He's a real low-life, POS!
The sad and sick part about all of this is there's a kid involved.
Mother is a criminal and addict as well. Among her lesser crimes, she openly brags at how easy it is to pick-pocket.
The kid is turning into a criminal and admitted to me that he knows how to hack and steal credit cards. I told him that wasn't cool and it was just a matter of time before he gets discovered and prosecuted as well.
I'm disgusted with all of this and haven't wanted to keep in touch with them. Blocked them everyway I can. Can/should I report them anonymously to Children and Family Services? Or should I mind my own business and let fate sort things out?
I'm looking at it from a different view from most of the people on here. And even then it's still a tough call.
My thought is, how likely could a member of this family - even the kid - badly hurt or even kill someone down the road? That could happen just from a DUI itself, let alone hurt someone in a desperate attempt to steal.
Personally, I think you'd be better off having a one-on-one with someone in the police department instead of CFS, and although jurisdictions differ on how they handle these situations, you may very well be able to do it anonymously. Those people need to be locked up but it sounds like they have managed to avoid getting caught.
I've seen several cases where the parents are arrested for different crimes and the child is released to other family members. Seeing what happens to his parents could be enough of a scare for him to think about all that he has learned. When all these people say to stay out of it, you're encouraging him to follow Mom and Dad, who don't seem to be the greatest role models right now. Somebody asked if they would go into debt hiring lawyers. They would probably try to go public defenders office but their idea of a deal isn't trying to go to trial. Just plead guilty to a lesser charge. If the FBI had been to the house once, you know they're keeping an eye on what goes on there. Mr. Dad of The Year could be looking at federal charges. Then if Mom goes to jail too, that's where family needs to step in and help the son. They'll have their hands full trying to "untrain", but it's better than sitting there on your butts seeing what kind of "education" that boy is getting.
Look, I did not report an instance of abuse I witnessed a year ago out of fear for myself and my household and for what it could do to the family in question. There was recently an incident in that home where another neighbor's child was injured. I spoke with the kid's mother and told her about what I had witnessed. She told me I shouldn't feel bad for reporting such an incident if I ever saw anything similar again because she has heard A LOT about what goes on in that household and has been concerned for some time. So yeah, the next time I see anything, I will call CPS. That home is a freakin disaster, and I now have no concerns about protecting my disabled roommate and her pets should there be any retribution - she has moved out and I can keep a closer eye on my pets than she was able to do with her own.
OP, here's the thing. This kid's life is currently basically being destroyed before he's even gotten a start on life. And you're only seeing a glimpse of what is going on.
I have friends who were raised by drug addicts and criminals. They are all deeply damaged messes. They did not spend any time in foster care, but they just don't know how to fit into normal society. Even the one who forged a strong professional career despite all the obstacles ahead of him is self-destructing rather spectacularly; another one grew into be a terrible parent himself and a perpetual lawbreaker (misdemeanors all over the place). There is no easy way out of the situation this kid is in. In my view, foster care COULD be worse, but really, will that make that much of a difference with regard to his ultimate path? If he's going to have a normal life, getting yanked out of his current household seems like his only hope unless you want to enmesh yourself in the lives of this family by being a constant presence for this kid. Once he gets a juvie record (an inevitability given what you've described if he remains in this situation), he will have ever so much more to overcome.
If this was merely a dysfunctional family, I would tell you to stay out of it. But this is a kid who is being raised to accept a way of life that will lead him nowhere good. And it's not just his future criminal record I'm worried about. People who build their life on addiction and crime let A LOT of questionable people into their life. I don't think he's in a safe environment even if his parents aren't physically abusing him.
I know that's not the popular opinion on this thread, but I'm not willing to say every foster family is evil.
I see a bunch of advice to keep out of it, so I'll post just to provide another point of view.
I would certainly step in, in some way, even if it meant reporting them. You don't mention the age of the kid, but isn't it likelier that any intervention would be better earlier rather than later? And imagine how guilty you'll feel if there's some true disaster - let's say their car speeding away from the police, where they mow down innocent people.
CPS wont help you, furthermore as overworked and as many cases those caseworkers get, you calling them to tell them a kid knows how to steal credit cards will be the least of their concern.
Is he being neglected? abused? is he malnourished? do you see bruises?
He is simply a product of his environment, his parents do criminal activities so its no surprise the children will learn from those bad habits as well.
He needs a mentor, not CPS.
Some of the best advice in the thread. And if you are concerned about criminal activities, you should call the police. Have you heard about the Washington state couple who adopted a bunch of kids and later drove them off a cliff? Murder suicide. That family had CPS called on them multiple times...
Good point and I've often thought about this. The kid has criminal in his blood via both parents. Foster care will just bring his inner thug out worse. There's more infuriating behavior to this story, just hard to sit back and take it all in.
Interesting concept - he has “criminal in his blood” I guess as his blood family member that would likewise mean you have some of that in your blood.... but... not how it works... I agree w those who said unless he’s in physical or sexual harm myob
Interesting concept - he has “criminal in his blood” I guess as his blood family member that would likewise mean you have some of that in your blood.... but... not how it works... I agree w those who said unless he’s in physical or sexual harm myob
Actually no, this family member is adopted. We have zero biological DNA. Nice try though. Like I said, there's more to this story.
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